On Solitude, or: Something I Have Learned About Myself

[bluestocking79]

I tend to write more about the physical aspects of Project Peacock, and those aspects are important--indeed, much more important than those who reflexively sneer at or dismiss fashion and style and outward self-expression realize or would credit. But one of the things about restoring my outward self to the person I am, and choose to be, is that

Comments

[kittylefish]

*hugs* cuz even if you are feeling better today, hugs are still good. i think we all have those times, even those of us who love and crave solitude, when it seems like the entire world has disappeared and deserted us. okay, so really they are just going about their own lives, but that's how it feels. and in my own case, the times when i've felt the most needy were the times when it was hardest for me to reach out to anybody - because who wants to deal with me being needy, right?

anyhow. i have no words of wisdom that you don't already know when you are in your rational state, so i'll just send more *hugs* for the next time you are feeling that way.

[bluestocking79]

~hugs more~ Hugs are always good! There can never be too many. :-)

it seems like the entire world has disappeared and deserted us. okay, so really they are just going about their own lives, but that's how it feels.

Bingo. That's exactly how it feels, and also how it really is. And I can't speak for anybody else, but I feel horribly silly for feeling that way, when I know nobody's really deserted me--and that just makes me feel worse, knowing that it's irrational.

And yes, it's hardest to reach out when you need it the most, because you don't want to be needy. Or I don't. And yet, every now and then...

~hugs you more, because you are awesome and you Get It~

[doctorpancakes]

Heck, I appreciate my all-by-myself time a heck of a lot, and I need a heck of a lot of it, and I still know that feel.

*nods*

*hugs*

[bluestocking79]

~hugs~

It's a powerful feel, isn't it? And pretty universal, I'd think. It just always totally blindsides me, as if I almost forget it exists, until suddenly it's quiet and I'm alone in a way that I don't like to be, and: boom, there it is.

[life_downsized]

I know exactly what you're talking about here, and I consider myself an introvert. There's a moment of feeling abandoned, and then once that's there it's impossible to do anything.
I will also offer up *hugs*

[bluestocking79]

Aw, thank you! ~hugs you back~ There are never, ever too many hugs.

That is exactly the sort of moment I'm talking about yeah, and once you're there, it's sort of... paralyzing. It's a strange relief to know, though, that it's not just me being needy, and that other people understand that feeling. That in itself is therapeutic: knowing that you're not really alone.

[ideserveyou]

Hugs from me too - I am pretty much an introvert and don't have a huge number of RL friends (it is a perpetual surprise and delight to me to have lots of wonderful virtual ones from all over the world!) and although I am fortunate to have a family who are almost always 'there'... even when I'm selfishly craving peace and quiet to be creative... I know that feeling of being needy and not wanting to impose on other people's busy lives. It's hard to reach out to other people for help when you don't feel you have anything to give in return. But that is often when you most need the help. Right when your fear of rejection is too great to let you ask for it...

Hope you're feeling better today. We're here for you. And that process of finding out who you are on the inside isn't easy, but it sure as heck is worth while!

[bluestocking79]

~hugs you back~ Thank you! And a belated Happy Birthday to you, too. (Hope it was a good one!)

It has been a great relief, to be honest, to know that this isn't just me, and that introverts feel it, too, and that--well. That I'm not alone. You've hit the nail on the head, of course: it's hardest to reach out for help, just when you're most in need of reassurance and least able to withstand a rebuff. But I am VERY glad and grateful that you're here! (Isn't the internet a wonderful thing? So many wonderful friends to be made, all over the world, and we might never have met without it.)

I am feeling very much myself today, thanks. And I agree completely with you about it being worthwhile to discover who you are on the inside. I started making a serious effort to do that few years ago, and the upshot is that I have never been happier--these few spells notwithstanding--or more secure in myself. :-)

[dickgloucester]

*writes a big notice for Bluey's wall* DON'T HESITATE TO PING ME EVEN IF MY GCHAT LIGHT IS RED!

That's all. *squish*

*flashes shiny fin*

[juniperus]

Me, too.

Ping away! <3 <3 <3

[bluestocking79]

~smooches and adores~

Thank you, Juni. Duly noted! I can't tell you how much that means to me. Love you. <3 <3 <3

~squishes you~

[bluestocking79]

~squishes and adores you and admires shiny fins~

Thank you. I do love you. You know that, right? I just never want to be a bother, so... thank you for that. From the bottom of my heart. &hearts

~squishes more~