It's my final day today at the beloved St. John Knits. I had a great time working here and will miss everyone. I guess I should be grateful that they laid me off and not fired me. I'm just nervous as to what lies ahead. I suppose I'll be fine, considering I have always been fine no matter what. Arnold might come over tonight. That would ( Read more... )

I've been in this place before. This familiar place of uncertainty and fear. Where you thought you had something, but didn't. Where you thought you had a good job, but won't. Where you thought you had friends, but they're too busy for you now. Where you made promises, and all you want to do is break all of them. Where staying sober was important ( Read more... )

My Final Lament

My fingertips are holding the cracks in this foundation
I'm contemplating on the negative and relapse ideation
Once fused together, now breaking bit by bit
I fear I've lost complete control of it

I want to reach for my savior and end this pain
Forget where I've come, and lose what I've gained
Apathy is taking me over and sucking ( Read more... )

 Things have been rather chaotic in my life at the present. The fact that I'm getting laid off really scares and stresses me out. I'm not certain what I'm really supposed to be feeling about all of this. I was frighteningly close to a drink last night. I haven't felt that overwhelmed and out of control in quite some time. It really scared me. If my ( Read more... )

The Tempest

Riding the waves of uncertainty and change
I cannot see the future at this range
The sky is dark, and the rain is falling
I cry out, though no one hears my calling

I am thrown about and tossed
I need to find the shore, though I am so lost
I’m all alone on this vast ocean
The waves crash as a great commotion

I’m not certain where I’m going, or ( Read more... )

    So, my suspicions were true; I am getting laid off. I'm not really certain what to think about it. It really sucks, I know that much. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about money and rent. I don't believe it's going to be an easy task to find a job with the way things are at the present. Someone said that for one job, there are thirty people ( Read more... )

    Still haven't been able to sleep. Last night I slept for maybe two to three hours. It's making me a little nuts to be honest. I'm extremely stressed/paranoid concerning work. They have been laying people off in other departments, and there are rumors going around that they are going to do the same with my department. It's kind of scary, because ( Read more... )

I haven't been sleeping so well as of recent. It makes me feel a little nutzo. I'm going to go home today after the work place and take a nizap yo. I'm trying to drink green tea to keep me awake, though I don't believe it's working. Oh bloody well. I'm dating someone new...who is kind of amazing. He is definitely a keeper. And his name is Arnold, ( Read more... )

Brown Eyes ( Read more... )

I had a pretty bad day. My mind was on a circular racetrack going light speed. I'm unsure what really was wrong with me today. I made up scenarios and worried about things that probably weren't even happening. I had conversations with people who weren't there, about issues that haven't happened. My anxiety level was through the roof, I just couldn' ( Read more... )