Dun da da duuuuuuuunn!

...how do I keep my laptop from overheating now? What's wrong with it again? What?

I can has late night 'spressos. But I really shouldn't can has dem.

I simply cannot focus on my work until I've solved my Hello Kitty rubik's cube.

( Edit for awwww. )

I can't believe people do this to cats.

My cell is broken because I've been throwing it mercilessly on the ground for kicks.

So if you're trying to call or text me and I don't respond, it's not because I'm a jerk, but it is instead because I am oblivious.

When I grow up, I want to be a mermaid. Life under the sea is better than anything we got up here.

Some of these are simply ridiculous.

I hate it when doctors ask, "Does it hurt when I do this?" because, invariably, the answer is yes.

Dear Neighbors,

As much as I realize how much fun it is fling doors open and shut 4876 times in a row for no reason, until you realize that 8:00 in the morning is an inappropriate time to do so, you lose your Door Having privileges.

Love,
except not really.

Help! Halloween costume ideas? Please?