Speaking Out and Why It Matters

[boarrider]

Those of you who follow my various print forums know that I have been tracking the recent hullabaloo regarding the "Twilight" series and its portrayal of the relationship between the heorine, Bella, and the vampire. This blog post might not go quite where you think it will, but I'm going to put a cut here, for the sake of politeness...

Comments

[bearfairie]

YES. this.

I've mostly stayed away from the whole twilight thing - the books, movies, analysis and discussions b/c it's poorly written, poorly acted banal drivel and not my cuppa. But you're right, it is complex stuff. And yes on more of us needing to stand up and say we won't go for sexual violence committed by anyone, against anyone, regardless of gender or any other salient characteristic. The object of your interest says a not-playful no (or can't say no) and you go for it anyway? it's assault, plain and simple.

thank you for writing this.

[boarrider]

There's a saying in addiction treatment services: "you're only as sick as your secrets." Culturally, we're still pretty sick, when it comes to sexual violence and out refusal to deal with it.

Personally? I hate being sick.

Know what I mean, there?

[boarrider]

And that it's not only heterosexuals being abused, either.

[bojojohn]

I'm a survivor of rape/sexual assault as well. But I have to question here--what in the hell does Twilight have to do with sexual assault?!?! You keep bringing the two together and I, having read all the books and seen the movies, am having a very hard time finding the connecting thread.

Can you please clarify?

[narfi]

Although I haven't read the books or seen the movies, I thought that this was pretty good for summarizing and explaining the subtext of the series. Each book has its own page, linked at the bottom of the previous post.

[bojojohn]

that is actually hilarious!

[boarrider]

I'll admit, it may be me. From most of what I've heard, it's not actually sex that they're having. But there is a thread of obsessive control, dominance, and violence, coupled with an acceptance that the heroine should submit everything she is to the males in her life, that really makes me tense.

I worry about things like that. I worry about the "sorry I attacked you, I lost control because you smelled so good" theme, because what that really says is "it's your fault, you know, because if you didn't smell so good I wouldn't have lost control."

[boarrider]

First of all: we all think it's our fault, or something we did. IT IS NOT. It just isn't.

And then the second...the more I speak up, the more people speak up and say "hey, you know what? Me, too." It is at once the most terrifying and empowering thing. Terrifying because the numbers are so high, and empowering because once we've spoken, we are no longer victims but fellow-survivors.

[narfi]

What I am saying here is that, while we're at it, I think we should change the dialogue to include *ALL* forms of sexual violence.

Thank you! I really hate when people bring identity politics into matters like these, as if horrible act are only horrible if the victim or the perpetrator belong to certain groups.

I really think that the best way to deal with this phenomenon is for parents to be aware of the problem and address it without freaking out. Banning it in any form will only make it more glamorous. Parents of daughters who have read or are reading the books (or have watched the movies) should read them too and discuss with their daughters why they are bad.

[boarrider]

I completely agree - parents need to be involved in their children's lives, have conversations about these kinds of things, and make sure that children understand what is OK, and what is NOT.

But I wouldn't stop there. I think it's the responsiblity of adults in a given culture to share in that culture's dialogue. I'm not a parent, but I'm still responsible. Not in a "hey, kids, lookit me" kind of way, but rather in two ways: one, to help reinforce a parent's message, so that a child will think "it's not just my mom and dad, it's everybody, this must be serious." Two, because I never want this to happen to any person, and if a kid can learn from my lesson and not put him/herself into danger, so much the better.

Three, because if it does happen anyway, I want people to know there are people like me out there, that they're not alone, and that they have someone to talk to who *gets it*.