It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets his wings. But what they don't tell you is, every time you hear a mousetrap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
by Jack Handey

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
by Jack Handey
-jl

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
  - HL Mencken

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.
  - Joan D. Vinge

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
  - Elbert Hubbard

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
  - Scott Adams

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward. - Jack Handey

2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
  - Grabel's Law

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
  - Professor Irwin Corey

Life goes on I suppose...