I MUST BE BAD TO FEEL A NEED TO JUST DOCUMENT HOW FUCKING SHIT I AM ( Read more... )

TO sum up my last18 months into a media friendly soundbite would be somewhat impossible -or- rather it would make for quite an interesting read- Think i`ll write a book -nah! i`ll just talk and let some other fucker dictate it !

SAME OLD SAME OLD ! DIFFEREANT PLACE . EVEN JOIND YCF 3 - I FEEL SO DIRTY *SHAKES HEAD*

YESTERDAY AT HIS BEDSIDE AFTER BEING TOOK OUT OF CCU INTO WARDS Q I AND DAD HAD OUR FIRST WHAT I`D CALL >>REAL<< CONVERSATION IN OUR LIVES -MAKING PLANS FOR HIS EASIER TO MANOUVRE +65 FUTURE ( Read more... )

DADS HAD A HEART ATTACK _BIG ONE - AND I CAN`T BELIEVE I COULDN`T EVEN FIND ENOUGH EFFORT TO GO AND FUCKIN` VISIT HIM ! SO LUCKY LEE IS BETWEEN HOMES ON THE VERY DAY IT HAPPENED .....ODD!..........I ALSO WATCHED THE ORIGINAL RING AND WAS GOING TO BUY THE FOURD DISC BOXSET OF THE TRILOGY THAT VERY DAY............I`VE ALSO BEEN WATCHING THE 1ST ( Read more... )

*MAJOR UPDATE ( Read more... )

if i go tonite its semi purposefull _been 50/60ml all week met **** and bought 500ml and i just took must be 150 meth ontop of the 60 uhg ! FFS dunno things are feelin` so so fuckin` hard atm ( Read more... )

Iam becoming more tense /anxious paranoid /ill to eat have posotive state of mind hence become further recloosed more apathetic the less i can go out the more unstructered my life becomes the apathy causes further medication along with general depression so HE *doesen`t get the roughhousingand long spirited amounts of excercise and outlett off ( Read more... )

when i`ve got the only choice of feeling this intense fucking pain or sleeping my life away you can`t but help count out your fuckin` meds in the :su: box again and again and again and just wish SO SO WISH i had the courage to take it all -BUT BY THE VERY FUCKIN` NATURE OF THAT KIND OF MEDICATION I`D FEEL SO LUISCIOUSLY AT EASE AND NOT WANT TO DIE ( Read more... )

SEEMS things are and/or they can really only get worse and i can only presume TO MYSELF that it was a very recless abuse /missuse of medication bit i was slaughtered on saturday afternoon and if memory serves me correctly as i was so so coked up and with a 6 pints of snake bite and a pint of baileys then john and rachael came back for a smoke and ( Read more... )