if ever I feel sad, I will just look at this baby otter.

( Read more... )

I might go to the Hair audition. only because it's Hair. but I don't know. I guess I'm still regretting my decision to not shave my head and audition last fall. I watched their Aquarius on youtube and kind of crapped myself all over again. do y'all have a video of the production archived somewhere? I still think about how intensely visceral that ( Read more... )

today just felt really sad. the rain, the grey, hearing someone sing "I've Been Here Before," the fear stinking in the air of the free clinic... I spent my day reading at auditions with Paul Hardt, and then taking some responsibility for myself for once and getting tested for diseases. so far, I don't have HIV, so this is good. now, of course, I'm ( Read more... )

I think that my main problem is that I've decided a lot of things about myself. the day I decided not to give anything of myself to people was the day I stopped knowing how to. it's all words. I haven't actually lost my memory ( Read more... )

more important than smart artistic boys who make me feel inadequate:
I lost 5 pounds, I feel pretty good. 10-15 more to go.

I wish I wasn't so lame. I wish I had more things to talk about. I wish I'd read more books. I wish I had all those important records. I wish I had taken more classes in college. you know, ones about art and literature and thinking. not ones with jazz hands. I think for the first time in my life I feel like I'm coasting on my looks, but I want him ( Read more... )

I'm back.
I hiked a mountain.
I swam in the lake.
I sunburnt my knees, and only my knees.
I ate grapes.
I buried my toes in sand.
I played with my little cousins.
my nine-year-old cousin said "How do you have friends? You have tattoos and a nose-ringon the bus ride I listened to music you only listen to on bus rides while it gets dark. and I had ( Read more... )

first verse cut because I hated it. new title is "The Good Rape". for now. I'm working on cultivating a personality that could be open to love and happiness. it's hard, I think. I have walls all around me. I keep telling myself that there's no need. it's only pride. pride is nothing, really. anyway, I'm going to the woods this week and I'll just ( Read more... )

I actually feel pretty great... whenever I start a new diet, the first day or two is awful and I'm really cranky about not being able to eat what I want. the trick is to train your body to believe that salad is what you want. I've been eating partially raw... every other day is fruit and vegetables, and the alternate day is things like veggie ( Read more... )

today and yesterday I went to the gym. with over-exercising comes the compulsive counting of calories, the obsessive ingesting of diet pills, and the fanatical not-eating-really-whatsoever. on Saturday night I didn't go out with Billy just because I looked in the mirror for too long and decided that I look like an alien. hopefully there will be ( Read more... )