She told me that I need to pray to God. Actually, it was more  directly ‘you need pray God’ in her strong Korean accent. I asked her  why it was that she felt I needed to pray to God. I couldn’t help but  laugh as I asked. ‘To find a good woman.’ I told her that ‘I don’t want a  good one, I want a bad one.’ It was a conversation held in my kitchen ( Read more... )

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There are days such as today during which life feels almost liveable and enjoyable... made so by you. Sincerely. Through the darkness that I try to block you cast a blinding light and lift me beyond hope. Clinging to this through deaths calls I arrive at home after a troublesome drive upon flooded roads to read the first chapter of A Moveable Feast ( Read more... )

A week survived. A week which started with a blissful day followed by one of the most strenuous working days in recent history. Upon that day a deep sense of disconnection set in within me once more and i started to wonder where I had gone so horribly wrong with all of the human bonds in my life. However, as Wednesday rolled around and the week ( Read more... )

Dear mother, If I should die tonight, please know that there is no other way I could find happiness and that there is no other way I’d want it. Yes, people say ‘we could have helped him to recover from his illness.’ but I disagree. I think it is the people who want to hang around who are in fact ill. They want to live on and live on and struggle on ( Read more... )

Many of them walk down the street perpendicular to my house and, if I am gracious enough to have the curtains open, they are able to look through the window and see me sitting here at the computer. Some of them look at me as if curious to know what I am doing and merely walk past unaffected. Some of them look at me with an air of tragedy, the sense ( Read more... )

A few nights ago we danced, we exchanged glances, we knew and we know that there is something between us... an undeniable bond that should not and cannot go ignored. And yet you are married. But it is the twenty first century and you realise too late that the marriage means nothing... the sacrifice you have made is a waste. What do you think he ( Read more... )

An oppressive heat consumes the land at the end of September and, I must confess, we celebrate it somewhat as we have had very little summer warmth this year. For me it is one of those days of great emptiness of the heart... a day upon which the memories of the past infest the mind and heart and begin to devour their way back through to the skin ( Read more... )

I miss the times we drove. We drove blind and hopeless through the night. Once we drove to France and stopped before we reached the English channel to drink beer. We drank more beer whilst crossing the channel and then drove, drunk, through an ignorant France. From the moment we arrived in that filth-ridden, beaten, crumbling, corrupt place we were ( Read more... )

Life is a perpetual struggle; an endless process of chasing things that either can’t be found or, if they are found, bring us even more suffering and torment. For me, I try to no longer chase anything or dream of anything. I live for this moment and this moment only. This weekend I read a ‘tweet’ that put most things into perspective and ( Read more... )