Like you weren't thinking it.
Title: Reunification
Fandom: Justice League
Characters: Booster/Beetle, Ralph/Sue, Tora/Guy, Tora/Beatriz (implied), Max
Prompt: "Ends."
Word Count: 812 or 870
Rating: R?
Author's Notes: Because I have no shame and have apparently gotten into the bad crack. (Or good, depending on your definition.) I have no other excuse. Zombie JLI ahoy! (I should be asleep right now. Why aren't I?)
(Hey apathocles! Remember when I mentioned basing crack-fic on your icons? Bam! XD)
Reunification
It was a little like a class reunion. Or a family reunion. A reunion of some kind, anyway.
It was nice to catch up with everyone, see how life was treating them. ...Well, actually they all knew how life had treated them. At this point it was more accurate to say they were catching up on how death was treating them.
They were the former Justice League International. They were all deceased.
And since Ted had bought it, there had been a ban on the Dead Parrot Sketch. No, never, not even if you, it doesn't matter how fast, or how short, just no.
Ted had been disappointed, but less so after Booster joined the Zombie JLI reunions.
There were so many more practical joke options open when one had removable body parts that it wasn't even funny. Something their fellow former Leaguers tried, repeatedly and without success, to stress to them. But despite the lack of funny, Booster and Beetle kept up to their old tricks.
That their "old tricks" included frequent, athletic sex with each other was something many had suspected, some had known, and a few had somehow been completely clueless about.
Death tended to make one rethink one's priorities. And since they had died, Booster and Ted had both rethought their denials and decided it was just too much trouble to keep it up. The next time someone made a suggestive comment about them, Ted had smirked with satisfaction while Booster described, in detail, why the comment was wrong and what they actually did. It might have been passed off as a bizarre joke if Ted hadn't been groping Booster's ass the whole time.
Another thing that kept the reunions "lively" (excuse the expression) was the fact that, once Sue and Ralph were finally reunited, they decided to look into Sue giving birth to the child she had been carrying before her untimely demise. It was, everyone else agreed, extremely morbid. Ralph and Sue disagreed.
Given that they were both zombies, there was concern that the child would be a zombie, too. And post-mortem births always carried a significantly higher risk than regular births. Still, Ralph had his heart set on a little Ralphina. Or Ralph Jr. Maybe Sue Jr.
Sue had already decided that Ralph would not be naming the baby, she just hadn't bothered to tell him.
But what really got the party going was when another newly dead teammate showed up. For a while there had only been a few, then a steady rise in a surprisingly short amount of time. Now it was down to a few years between new party guests.
Today that guest was Guy Gardner.
"Took you long enough, Gardner," Beatriz remarked to the confused man, smirking.
"What the hell...?" Guy muttered, staring around the room. In his experience, when dead people started walking around that was a good indication that it would soon be time to bust a few heads.
"'Misunderstanding' my ass!" a familiar voice shouted from another room.
A delighted look crossed Bea's face and she tossed Guy an absent wave as she hurried off in the direction the voice had come from. Then Guy heard an exasperated sigh from behind him.
"Could someone find Booster and get him to distract Ted? It always goes downhill after he knocks Max's head off-kilter."
Turning slowly, a niggling memory of another time and place making him hesitant to look, Guy found himself face to slightly decomposing face with a white-haired woman. She looked momentarily startled, then smiled sweetly.
"Hello, Guy."
"Icey?" Guy whispered.
Tora Olafsdotter, once Icemaiden and later Ice, nodded. "It's good to see you again."
Slowly, Guy stepped closer and reached out to touch the woman's arm, to reassure himself that she was really standing there. "Issat really you?"
Tora caught his hand and squeezed it, chuckling quietly. "It's me."
Lurching forward to close the remaining distance between them, Guy swept the woman into a tight hug. "Missed you, babe," he murmured, burying his face in the side of her neck and breathing deeply.
She smelled a little rotten, to be honest.
But that was okay, she was still easy on the eyes. A little decomposed around the edges, but for some reason Guy didn't seem to mind that. Actually, the strangeness of being surrounded by walking, talking dead people had worn off without him realizing it.
"I missed you too, Guy," Tora replied. "But Bea's been keeping an eye on me, don't worry."
"Whadda ya mean keeping an eye on you?" Guy asked suspiciously, straightening but leaving his hands on her upper arms. When Tora just smiled sweetly again, Guy frowned. Then he leered. "Think she'd mind sharing?"
Tora reached up and touched his cheek, then leaned forward to give his lips a quick peck. "I'll talk to her."
Death tended to make one rethink one's priorities.
---------------
(EXTRA: Bonus ending! :D)
A muffled gong sounded and Tora looked up. "Oh, time for the afternoon orgy."
"Say what?" Guy asked, thinking he had misheard. A quick glance around the room revealed that all the dead people were getting naked. A few were getting busy while getting naked. "You gotta be kidding."
And lo there was much zombie sex.
The end.
Fandom: Justice League
Characters: Booster/Beetle, Ralph/Sue, Tora/Guy, Tora/Beatriz (implied), Max
Prompt: "Ends."
Word Count: 812 or 870
Rating: R?
Author's Notes: Because I have no shame and have apparently gotten into the bad crack. (Or good, depending on your definition.) I have no other excuse. Zombie JLI ahoy! (I should be asleep right now. Why aren't I?)
(Hey apathocles! Remember when I mentioned basing crack-fic on your icons? Bam! XD)
Reunification
It was a little like a class reunion. Or a family reunion. A reunion of some kind, anyway.
It was nice to catch up with everyone, see how life was treating them. ...Well, actually they all knew how life had treated them. At this point it was more accurate to say they were catching up on how death was treating them.
They were the former Justice League International. They were all deceased.
And since Ted had bought it, there had been a ban on the Dead Parrot Sketch. No, never, not even if you, it doesn't matter how fast, or how short, just no.
Ted had been disappointed, but less so after Booster joined the Zombie JLI reunions.
There were so many more practical joke options open when one had removable body parts that it wasn't even funny. Something their fellow former Leaguers tried, repeatedly and without success, to stress to them. But despite the lack of funny, Booster and Beetle kept up to their old tricks.
That their "old tricks" included frequent, athletic sex with each other was something many had suspected, some had known, and a few had somehow been completely clueless about.
Death tended to make one rethink one's priorities. And since they had died, Booster and Ted had both rethought their denials and decided it was just too much trouble to keep it up. The next time someone made a suggestive comment about them, Ted had smirked with satisfaction while Booster described, in detail, why the comment was wrong and what they actually did. It might have been passed off as a bizarre joke if Ted hadn't been groping Booster's ass the whole time.
Another thing that kept the reunions "lively" (excuse the expression) was the fact that, once Sue and Ralph were finally reunited, they decided to look into Sue giving birth to the child she had been carrying before her untimely demise. It was, everyone else agreed, extremely morbid. Ralph and Sue disagreed.
Given that they were both zombies, there was concern that the child would be a zombie, too. And post-mortem births always carried a significantly higher risk than regular births. Still, Ralph had his heart set on a little Ralphina. Or Ralph Jr. Maybe Sue Jr.
Sue had already decided that Ralph would not be naming the baby, she just hadn't bothered to tell him.
But what really got the party going was when another newly dead teammate showed up. For a while there had only been a few, then a steady rise in a surprisingly short amount of time. Now it was down to a few years between new party guests.
Today that guest was Guy Gardner.
"Took you long enough, Gardner," Beatriz remarked to the confused man, smirking.
"What the hell...?" Guy muttered, staring around the room. In his experience, when dead people started walking around that was a good indication that it would soon be time to bust a few heads.
"'Misunderstanding' my ass!" a familiar voice shouted from another room.
A delighted look crossed Bea's face and she tossed Guy an absent wave as she hurried off in the direction the voice had come from. Then Guy heard an exasperated sigh from behind him.
"Could someone find Booster and get him to distract Ted? It always goes downhill after he knocks Max's head off-kilter."
Turning slowly, a niggling memory of another time and place making him hesitant to look, Guy found himself face to slightly decomposing face with a white-haired woman. She looked momentarily startled, then smiled sweetly.
"Hello, Guy."
"Icey?" Guy whispered.
Tora Olafsdotter, once Icemaiden and later Ice, nodded. "It's good to see you again."
Slowly, Guy stepped closer and reached out to touch the woman's arm, to reassure himself that she was really standing there. "Issat really you?"
Tora caught his hand and squeezed it, chuckling quietly. "It's me."
Lurching forward to close the remaining distance between them, Guy swept the woman into a tight hug. "Missed you, babe," he murmured, burying his face in the side of her neck and breathing deeply.
She smelled a little rotten, to be honest.
But that was okay, she was still easy on the eyes. A little decomposed around the edges, but for some reason Guy didn't seem to mind that. Actually, the strangeness of being surrounded by walking, talking dead people had worn off without him realizing it.
"I missed you too, Guy," Tora replied. "But Bea's been keeping an eye on me, don't worry."
"Whadda ya mean keeping an eye on you?" Guy asked suspiciously, straightening but leaving his hands on her upper arms. When Tora just smiled sweetly again, Guy frowned. Then he leered. "Think she'd mind sharing?"
Tora reached up and touched his cheek, then leaned forward to give his lips a quick peck. "I'll talk to her."
Death tended to make one rethink one's priorities.
---------------
(EXTRA: Bonus ending! :D)
A muffled gong sounded and Tora looked up. "Oh, time for the afternoon orgy."
"Say what?" Guy asked, thinking he had misheard. A quick glance around the room revealed that all the dead people were getting naked. A few were getting busy while getting naked. "You gotta be kidding."
And lo there was much zombie sex.
The end.