Jerry Falwell Porn-a-Thon
This is a somewhat belated response to doctorv's Jerry Falwell Porn-A-Thon.
Title: True Friends Pay for Your Hooker
Rating: I'm calling it R just to be safe.
Summary: Ted's friends decide if Ted won't date, he should at least find a prostitute and have sex.
Author notes: I'm open to other title suggestions.
Ted tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he inched his way down the street. It was late, long past rush hour, but the driver in front of him had one foot on the brake while he stared everywhere but where he was going.
Not that Ted blamed him. He was fairly distracted as well. Scantily clad women waved at the drivers, posing provocatively and shouting invitations.
Ted did not want to be here. This wasn’t his idea. But all his friends were convinced he was pining for his lost love. He’d tried to explain that Brittany wasn’t his love, lost or found, and that he wasn’t pining, he just wasn’t interested in finding another girlfriend right now. It was no use. They were convinced that since he wasn't upset over his latest breakup, trying to find a new girlfriend, or moping that he couldn't get a date, he must be far more hurt than he let on. They constantly tried to set him up with any moderately attractive single woman they could find, telling him he was past due for a rebound relationship. When that hadn’t worked, they’d suggested this.
Ted wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve such concerned friends, but whatever it was, he was very sorry.
“If you won’t date, at least get laid,” Bea had snapped. “Pick up a hooker if you have to. I’ll even chip in.”
To Ted’s shock and embarrassment, the rest of his friends thought this was a good idea. Before he knew what had happened he had a wad of cash, a pack of condoms, and directions to the red light district. He’d barely managed to talk Max out of coming along for “moral support.” Instead, he’d been escorted here by three other cars before his interfering friends had gone their separate ways, calling out final bits of advice as they drove off.
“These are grown women capable of making their own decisions. They’re doing a job, and they don’t need you to save them, so don’t try to turn this into ‘Pretty Woman’” Bea had warned.
“Don’t pick a Brittany look-alike,” Sue had said. “You need to get over her, not find a substitute.”
“Have fun,” Max had grinned. “I recommend Krystal and Megan. They’re a little more expensive, but” he leered “that’s because they always work together.”
“I want details,” Ralph had shouted out the window as he drove away. Ted saw Sue smack him before they turned the corner.
Looking out the window, he spotted two women who had to be Krystal and Megan. They wore identical tight black dresses and had dyed their hair the same shade of red. As Ted watched, an expensive looking car pulled up next to them and they both climbed in. Ted wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved. Up ahead was a short, busty woman with dark hair. She was pretty, but Brittany had been short and dark as well (although not nearly as well endowed), and Ted was too scared of Sue to risk disobeying her orders.
Glancing at the other side of the street, his gaze fell on a tall blond man wearing a tight green shirt and even tighter black leather pants. Ted’s mouth went dry. Without even thinking about it, Ted did a U-turn and pulled up next to the blond, who opened the door and got in.
“Hey stud. See something you like?” he asked, voice low and husky.
Shiny pink lips. Cheeks slightly flushed. Big blue eyes heavily framed by thick black lashes and eyeliner. “Too much mascara,” Ted’s brain critiqued, but it was a very small voice drowned out by Ted’s more basic instincts, which saw nothing wrong except that there was still space between Ted and the other man.
The blond smiled and rested a hand on Ted‘s thigh. “Want to go somewhere a little more private?”
Ted nodded and pulled back into traffic. Tall, blond, and male. He couldn’t have found someone more unlike Brittany if he tried.
“There’s an empty parking lot up ahead,” the blond whispered, hand sliding up Ted’s leg.
Ted swallowed. “I thought we could rent a room.”
“You want me for the whole night, big guy? It’ll cost you.”
Ted smiled a little at that. “That’s okay. My friends are paying. We can splurge.”
“You’re lucky to have such generous friends. What’s your name, gorgeous?”
“Te-EED!” Ted swerved slightly as the blond’s hand cupped his crotch. “Driving! No distracting the driver! Horrible fiery death! Bad!”
The blond let go, leaning back in his seat and laughing. Ted flushed, determinedly keeping his eyes on the road and trying to ignore the shivery feeling that laugh gave him.
“This your first time, Ted?” the blond asked once he’d stopped laughing.
“Of course not.” Max had warned him that telling someone he’d never done this before was a good way to get fleeced.
“So you pick up male hookers all the time?”
“Every other week,” Ted lied.
“I don’t believe you. I bet this is your first time with a hooker. Might be your first time with a man too.” Seeing Ted’s blush, he laughed again. “It is! Oh, this is going to be fun.”
“What’s your name?” Ted asked, trying to change the subject.
“Whatever you want it to be.” The blond switched back to the bedroom voice he’d used earlier.
Ted frowned, glancing at the blond out of the corner of his eye. It might be stupid, but he wanted the other man to tell him his name, even if he lied. Expecting Ted to name him just made the whole thing Ted’s fantasy, with the blond a prop instead of a person.
“How about Algernon? Or Mortimer? Maybe Rupert?”
“What?”
“I think Algernon fits you best. Algy. I like it.”
The blond glared. “Michael. My name is Michael.”
Ted mock-sighed. “Fine. Michael it is.” He pulled into the lot of a cheap motel. “Wait here.”
Ted went to the office and rented a room for the night. He hesitated when it came time to sign the guestbook, but since he’d already handed over his credit card it seemed a little late to make up an alias. Clutching the key to his room, he headed back outside. Michael was leaning against the car, thumbs hooked in his pockets. “What took you?” he asked when Ted got closer. He pulled the key out of Ted’s hand, glanced at the room number, and walked across the parking lot, hips swaying. Ted swallowed and followed.
Michael unlocked the door to room 15, flipped on the light, and held the door for Ted. As Ted walked past, Michael lightly squeezed his ass. “Nice,” he murmured, crowding in close behind Ted and letting the door swing shut. He wrapped an arm around Ted’s waist and licked his neck. “Any requests?” His breath on Ted’s wet neck sent goosebumps down Ted’s spine.
Ted leaned against him. “Um.”
“You know what you want, right? After all, you do this every other week.”
“Right.” Ted twisted to look up at Michael. Not sure what else to do, he stood on tiptoe and kissed the taller man. His lips tasted like artificial strawberry flavoring. Then Michael’s tongue was in Ted’s mouth, his hands roving up and down Ted’s back, and Ted stopped thinking.
“Money up front,” Michael said.
“What? Oh.” Ted pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and thrust it at Michael. The blond took it, leafed through the bills, and stuck it in his pocket. “Don’t I get change?”
“Don’t worry, I’m worth every penny.”
Michael kissed Ted again, nibbling his lips as he unbuttoned Ted’s shirt. He lightly stroked his hand down Ted’s chest, the feel of skin on skin making Ted shiver. He pulled back a little and opened his eyes. Michael smiled and pushed Ted’s shirt off the rest of the way, then unbuttoned Ted’s pants. He pushed them down Ted’s hips, then lightly shoved Ted until Ted stumbled backwards and sat on the bed. Michael knelt on the floor and pulled off Ted’s shoes and socks, then tugged at Ted’s pants. Ted obligingly lifted his hips and a second later the pants were tossed across the room and Michael was pushing Ted’s knees apart.
Michael chuckled softly and looked up at Ted through soot dark eyelashes. “You got a Scooby snack for me in there?”
Ted blushed. He’d forgotten he was wearing his Scooby-doo boxer shorts. Michael slid his fingers up Ted’s thigh, under the edge of the boxers, his touch feather-light.
“You--You’re still dressed,” Ted stammered.
“We should do something about that,” Michael agreed. He stood, turned, and bent over, untying his boots and giving Ted a close-up view of his tight butt. Hesitantly, Ted stroked a finger down one cheek. Michael slowly straightened, kicking off his boots and peeling off his shirt, flexing a little. Ted felt hypnotized by the movement of muscles in Michael’s back and arms. He unbuttoned his pants and shimmied out of them. This took some time and a lot of shimmying. They were very tight pants. Ted didn’t mind the wait though, barely daring to breath as the golden skin became visible, centimeter by slow centimeter. Michael wasn’t wearing any underwear, and even while he was enjoying the view, Ted had to wonder how comfortable the leather could be against sensitive anatomy. Michael had to bend over again, hopping a little to peel the pants off his lower legs and yank off his socks, and Ted smiled. As gorgeous as all that bare skin was, it was still amusing to watch. Finally, Michael was naked, his legs covered with a thin sheen of sweat. He turned slowly, and Ted licked his lips as he got his first look at Michael in all his glory. He was beautiful.
“Now you’re the one overdressed.”
“Huh?” He really wasn’t a very good conversationalist tonight, but didn’t think anyone could blame him.
Michael didn’t answer, just pushed Ted over so he was lying on the bed climbed on top, his knees on either side of Ted’s waist and his hands by Ted’s shoulders. He kissed his way down Ted’s chest, then slowly, so very slowly, pulled off Ted’s boxers with his teeth. Ted dug his fingers into the comforter and tried to remember how to breath.
Once the boxers were out of the way, Michael started kissing his way back up, starting with Ted’s ankle. Ted shifted on the bed and spread his legs wider, whimpering a little when Michael nibbled a sensitive spot by his knee, his hips jerking. As Michael licked a long, slow stripe up the inside of Ted’s thigh, Ted decided his friends had had a good idea after all.
*****
Ted woke up with a cold leg and numb arm. Double beds were not intended to fit two adult men. Michael had stolen more than his fair share of the covers, leaving Ted’s leg exposed, and he was lying on one of Ted’s arms. Ted pushed at Michael, pulling his arm free. Michael made an incomprehensible noise and curled up on his side. The covers were all untucked, probably Michael’s doing. He was too tall for the bed.
Ted sat up, rubbing feeling back into his hand and wincing as the pins and needles feeling started. Once his hand felt normal again, he stood and headed for the small bathroom.
A quick shower and he was feeling much more awake and ready for some breakfast. Michael was sitting up in bed when Ted emerged from the bathroom. He leered a little when he saw Ted. “Morning.”
“Good morning.” Ted walked over and gave him a long, slow kiss. Michael hummed appreciatively and tugged Ted down so he was half in Michael’s lap.
Ted smiled and combed his fingers through the blond hair. “Where’d you get the leather pants?”
“I’ve had ‘em for years.”
Ted frowned. “And I never saw them before why?”
Booster rolled his eyes. “Right. Because you never see me in tight pants.”
“Denim and shiny future material, yes. But not leather.”
Booster kissed him on the nose. “Didn’t know you liked leather. Besides, they’re a pain to get on and off, and they’re hot.”
“Worth it though.”
Booster smiled. “Were you surprised?”
Ted nodded. “I knew you were planning something when you agreed with the others that I should get a hooker, but I figured you were just going to wait for them to leave so we could sneak off together and spend their money. This was unexpected. And fun.”
“Oh yeah. You played the nervous first timer wonderfully.”
“You weren’t so bad yourself.” Ted kissed him again, then stood and started picking up his clothes from where they’d been thrown the night before. “C’mon, get cleaned up and dressed. I want food.”
“Can you get my duffle out of the car? I’ve got some non-hooker clothes in there.”
Ted pouted as he pulled on his pants. “No leather?”
“Maybe later. If you’re good.”
Ted finished dressing and went to the car while Booster showered. While he waited, he looked through the duffle bag, hoping Booster had packed toothpaste, but there was only a change of clothes. Checking the pockets, he found Booster’s watch and rings.
He heard the water switch off and walked over to the bathroom, rapping on the door. “You almost done in there?”
“No.” Booster sounded annoyed, and Ted opened the door. Booster was wearing a towel and scowling at his reflection in a cleared spot on the fogged up mirror.
“What’s wrong?”
Booster turned and indicated his face. “It won’t come off!”
Booster’s eyes were still dark, the make-up smudged and faded some, but still very much there. Ted grabbed a washcloth, soaked it under the faucet, and scrubbed at Booster’s face. “What kind of make-up did you use?”
“Whatever was in Bea’s purse.”
Ted tossed the washcloth in the sink, realizing it was a hopeless cause. “You used Bea’s? What was wrong with Sue’s?”
“I borrowed her lip gloss, because Bea‘s was too dark, but I looked in Bea‘s purse first,” Booster answered. “Why does it matter?”
“Because Sue uses regular make-up, and Bea uses stuff that’s tougher than the armor on the Batmobile. It can survive an inferno, you really think it’ll wash off with a little hot water?”
“So what will take it off?”
Ted shrugged. “Hydrochloric acid? Belt sander?”
Booster groaned. “I can’t go out looking like this!”
“You went out looking like that last night.“ Booster glared, and Ted clapped him on the shoulder. “I have sunglasses in the car. Anyone asks, we’ll tell them you’re hung over. After breakfast we can stop at the store and buy some industrial-strength make-up remover.”
Booster kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks. You’re the best.”
The two men went back into the main room and Booster dressed while Ted fidgeted.
“Aren’t you ready yet?” he asked as Booster hunted through his duffel.
“Almost. I just can’t find something.”
“Oh? What?”
Booster didn’t answer, turning the duffel inside out, shaking it, and patting it almost desperately.
“Booster.” No response. “Booster!”
Booster looked up, and Ted walked over, pulling out the gold ring he’d taken earlier. He gently grasped Booster’s left hand and slid the ring on his finger. “With this ring I thee wed,” he whispered, and kissed the back of Booster’s hand.
Booster sighed. “That was mean. I thought I’d lost it.” Ted offered him a second ring, a little smaller but otherwise identical, and Booster took it and solemnly put it on Ted’s finger before kissing Ted fiercely. “Mine.”
“You’re such a romantic. You know, if we just told the others we’d eloped last month, they’d stop trying to find me a new girlfriend.”
“I’ve got fifty bucks and a backrub riding on Ralph figuring it out first. If you tell, you forfeit.”
“That’s the only way you’ll win,” Ted replied. “Sue’s almost as good a detective as Ralph, and she’s better at reading people. Plus, she‘s known how I feel about you for years.”
The two men walked out the door, still arguing over which of their teammates was more likely to figure it out first. Ted went to return the room key while Booster got in the car to look for the promised sunglasses.
“Where do you want to eat?” Ted asked once he got back, climbing into the driver’s seat and starting the car.
Booster shrugged, finally finding the sunglasses. “You pick.”
“Okay, but you’re buying. I gave you all my money last night.”
“Hey, I earned that money!”
“What’s yours is mine, remember?”
Booster sighed dramatically and nodded. He reached over to capture Ted’s hand. Ted smiled and squeezed his hand.
Life was good.
The End
Inspirational Jerry Falwell quote: Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.
Title: True Friends Pay for Your Hooker
Rating: I'm calling it R just to be safe.
Summary: Ted's friends decide if Ted won't date, he should at least find a prostitute and have sex.
Author notes: I'm open to other title suggestions.
Ted tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he inched his way down the street. It was late, long past rush hour, but the driver in front of him had one foot on the brake while he stared everywhere but where he was going.
Not that Ted blamed him. He was fairly distracted as well. Scantily clad women waved at the drivers, posing provocatively and shouting invitations.
Ted did not want to be here. This wasn’t his idea. But all his friends were convinced he was pining for his lost love. He’d tried to explain that Brittany wasn’t his love, lost or found, and that he wasn’t pining, he just wasn’t interested in finding another girlfriend right now. It was no use. They were convinced that since he wasn't upset over his latest breakup, trying to find a new girlfriend, or moping that he couldn't get a date, he must be far more hurt than he let on. They constantly tried to set him up with any moderately attractive single woman they could find, telling him he was past due for a rebound relationship. When that hadn’t worked, they’d suggested this.
Ted wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve such concerned friends, but whatever it was, he was very sorry.
“If you won’t date, at least get laid,” Bea had snapped. “Pick up a hooker if you have to. I’ll even chip in.”
To Ted’s shock and embarrassment, the rest of his friends thought this was a good idea. Before he knew what had happened he had a wad of cash, a pack of condoms, and directions to the red light district. He’d barely managed to talk Max out of coming along for “moral support.” Instead, he’d been escorted here by three other cars before his interfering friends had gone their separate ways, calling out final bits of advice as they drove off.
“These are grown women capable of making their own decisions. They’re doing a job, and they don’t need you to save them, so don’t try to turn this into ‘Pretty Woman’” Bea had warned.
“Don’t pick a Brittany look-alike,” Sue had said. “You need to get over her, not find a substitute.”
“Have fun,” Max had grinned. “I recommend Krystal and Megan. They’re a little more expensive, but” he leered “that’s because they always work together.”
“I want details,” Ralph had shouted out the window as he drove away. Ted saw Sue smack him before they turned the corner.
Looking out the window, he spotted two women who had to be Krystal and Megan. They wore identical tight black dresses and had dyed their hair the same shade of red. As Ted watched, an expensive looking car pulled up next to them and they both climbed in. Ted wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved. Up ahead was a short, busty woman with dark hair. She was pretty, but Brittany had been short and dark as well (although not nearly as well endowed), and Ted was too scared of Sue to risk disobeying her orders.
Glancing at the other side of the street, his gaze fell on a tall blond man wearing a tight green shirt and even tighter black leather pants. Ted’s mouth went dry. Without even thinking about it, Ted did a U-turn and pulled up next to the blond, who opened the door and got in.
“Hey stud. See something you like?” he asked, voice low and husky.
Shiny pink lips. Cheeks slightly flushed. Big blue eyes heavily framed by thick black lashes and eyeliner. “Too much mascara,” Ted’s brain critiqued, but it was a very small voice drowned out by Ted’s more basic instincts, which saw nothing wrong except that there was still space between Ted and the other man.
The blond smiled and rested a hand on Ted‘s thigh. “Want to go somewhere a little more private?”
Ted nodded and pulled back into traffic. Tall, blond, and male. He couldn’t have found someone more unlike Brittany if he tried.
“There’s an empty parking lot up ahead,” the blond whispered, hand sliding up Ted’s leg.
Ted swallowed. “I thought we could rent a room.”
“You want me for the whole night, big guy? It’ll cost you.”
Ted smiled a little at that. “That’s okay. My friends are paying. We can splurge.”
“You’re lucky to have such generous friends. What’s your name, gorgeous?”
“Te-EED!” Ted swerved slightly as the blond’s hand cupped his crotch. “Driving! No distracting the driver! Horrible fiery death! Bad!”
The blond let go, leaning back in his seat and laughing. Ted flushed, determinedly keeping his eyes on the road and trying to ignore the shivery feeling that laugh gave him.
“This your first time, Ted?” the blond asked once he’d stopped laughing.
“Of course not.” Max had warned him that telling someone he’d never done this before was a good way to get fleeced.
“So you pick up male hookers all the time?”
“Every other week,” Ted lied.
“I don’t believe you. I bet this is your first time with a hooker. Might be your first time with a man too.” Seeing Ted’s blush, he laughed again. “It is! Oh, this is going to be fun.”
“What’s your name?” Ted asked, trying to change the subject.
“Whatever you want it to be.” The blond switched back to the bedroom voice he’d used earlier.
Ted frowned, glancing at the blond out of the corner of his eye. It might be stupid, but he wanted the other man to tell him his name, even if he lied. Expecting Ted to name him just made the whole thing Ted’s fantasy, with the blond a prop instead of a person.
“How about Algernon? Or Mortimer? Maybe Rupert?”
“What?”
“I think Algernon fits you best. Algy. I like it.”
The blond glared. “Michael. My name is Michael.”
Ted mock-sighed. “Fine. Michael it is.” He pulled into the lot of a cheap motel. “Wait here.”
Ted went to the office and rented a room for the night. He hesitated when it came time to sign the guestbook, but since he’d already handed over his credit card it seemed a little late to make up an alias. Clutching the key to his room, he headed back outside. Michael was leaning against the car, thumbs hooked in his pockets. “What took you?” he asked when Ted got closer. He pulled the key out of Ted’s hand, glanced at the room number, and walked across the parking lot, hips swaying. Ted swallowed and followed.
Michael unlocked the door to room 15, flipped on the light, and held the door for Ted. As Ted walked past, Michael lightly squeezed his ass. “Nice,” he murmured, crowding in close behind Ted and letting the door swing shut. He wrapped an arm around Ted’s waist and licked his neck. “Any requests?” His breath on Ted’s wet neck sent goosebumps down Ted’s spine.
Ted leaned against him. “Um.”
“You know what you want, right? After all, you do this every other week.”
“Right.” Ted twisted to look up at Michael. Not sure what else to do, he stood on tiptoe and kissed the taller man. His lips tasted like artificial strawberry flavoring. Then Michael’s tongue was in Ted’s mouth, his hands roving up and down Ted’s back, and Ted stopped thinking.
“Money up front,” Michael said.
“What? Oh.” Ted pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and thrust it at Michael. The blond took it, leafed through the bills, and stuck it in his pocket. “Don’t I get change?”
“Don’t worry, I’m worth every penny.”
Michael kissed Ted again, nibbling his lips as he unbuttoned Ted’s shirt. He lightly stroked his hand down Ted’s chest, the feel of skin on skin making Ted shiver. He pulled back a little and opened his eyes. Michael smiled and pushed Ted’s shirt off the rest of the way, then unbuttoned Ted’s pants. He pushed them down Ted’s hips, then lightly shoved Ted until Ted stumbled backwards and sat on the bed. Michael knelt on the floor and pulled off Ted’s shoes and socks, then tugged at Ted’s pants. Ted obligingly lifted his hips and a second later the pants were tossed across the room and Michael was pushing Ted’s knees apart.
Michael chuckled softly and looked up at Ted through soot dark eyelashes. “You got a Scooby snack for me in there?”
Ted blushed. He’d forgotten he was wearing his Scooby-doo boxer shorts. Michael slid his fingers up Ted’s thigh, under the edge of the boxers, his touch feather-light.
“You--You’re still dressed,” Ted stammered.
“We should do something about that,” Michael agreed. He stood, turned, and bent over, untying his boots and giving Ted a close-up view of his tight butt. Hesitantly, Ted stroked a finger down one cheek. Michael slowly straightened, kicking off his boots and peeling off his shirt, flexing a little. Ted felt hypnotized by the movement of muscles in Michael’s back and arms. He unbuttoned his pants and shimmied out of them. This took some time and a lot of shimmying. They were very tight pants. Ted didn’t mind the wait though, barely daring to breath as the golden skin became visible, centimeter by slow centimeter. Michael wasn’t wearing any underwear, and even while he was enjoying the view, Ted had to wonder how comfortable the leather could be against sensitive anatomy. Michael had to bend over again, hopping a little to peel the pants off his lower legs and yank off his socks, and Ted smiled. As gorgeous as all that bare skin was, it was still amusing to watch. Finally, Michael was naked, his legs covered with a thin sheen of sweat. He turned slowly, and Ted licked his lips as he got his first look at Michael in all his glory. He was beautiful.
“Now you’re the one overdressed.”
“Huh?” He really wasn’t a very good conversationalist tonight, but didn’t think anyone could blame him.
Michael didn’t answer, just pushed Ted over so he was lying on the bed climbed on top, his knees on either side of Ted’s waist and his hands by Ted’s shoulders. He kissed his way down Ted’s chest, then slowly, so very slowly, pulled off Ted’s boxers with his teeth. Ted dug his fingers into the comforter and tried to remember how to breath.
Once the boxers were out of the way, Michael started kissing his way back up, starting with Ted’s ankle. Ted shifted on the bed and spread his legs wider, whimpering a little when Michael nibbled a sensitive spot by his knee, his hips jerking. As Michael licked a long, slow stripe up the inside of Ted’s thigh, Ted decided his friends had had a good idea after all.
*****
Ted woke up with a cold leg and numb arm. Double beds were not intended to fit two adult men. Michael had stolen more than his fair share of the covers, leaving Ted’s leg exposed, and he was lying on one of Ted’s arms. Ted pushed at Michael, pulling his arm free. Michael made an incomprehensible noise and curled up on his side. The covers were all untucked, probably Michael’s doing. He was too tall for the bed.
Ted sat up, rubbing feeling back into his hand and wincing as the pins and needles feeling started. Once his hand felt normal again, he stood and headed for the small bathroom.
A quick shower and he was feeling much more awake and ready for some breakfast. Michael was sitting up in bed when Ted emerged from the bathroom. He leered a little when he saw Ted. “Morning.”
“Good morning.” Ted walked over and gave him a long, slow kiss. Michael hummed appreciatively and tugged Ted down so he was half in Michael’s lap.
Ted smiled and combed his fingers through the blond hair. “Where’d you get the leather pants?”
“I’ve had ‘em for years.”
Ted frowned. “And I never saw them before why?”
Booster rolled his eyes. “Right. Because you never see me in tight pants.”
“Denim and shiny future material, yes. But not leather.”
Booster kissed him on the nose. “Didn’t know you liked leather. Besides, they’re a pain to get on and off, and they’re hot.”
“Worth it though.”
Booster smiled. “Were you surprised?”
Ted nodded. “I knew you were planning something when you agreed with the others that I should get a hooker, but I figured you were just going to wait for them to leave so we could sneak off together and spend their money. This was unexpected. And fun.”
“Oh yeah. You played the nervous first timer wonderfully.”
“You weren’t so bad yourself.” Ted kissed him again, then stood and started picking up his clothes from where they’d been thrown the night before. “C’mon, get cleaned up and dressed. I want food.”
“Can you get my duffle out of the car? I’ve got some non-hooker clothes in there.”
Ted pouted as he pulled on his pants. “No leather?”
“Maybe later. If you’re good.”
Ted finished dressing and went to the car while Booster showered. While he waited, he looked through the duffle bag, hoping Booster had packed toothpaste, but there was only a change of clothes. Checking the pockets, he found Booster’s watch and rings.
He heard the water switch off and walked over to the bathroom, rapping on the door. “You almost done in there?”
“No.” Booster sounded annoyed, and Ted opened the door. Booster was wearing a towel and scowling at his reflection in a cleared spot on the fogged up mirror.
“What’s wrong?”
Booster turned and indicated his face. “It won’t come off!”
Booster’s eyes were still dark, the make-up smudged and faded some, but still very much there. Ted grabbed a washcloth, soaked it under the faucet, and scrubbed at Booster’s face. “What kind of make-up did you use?”
“Whatever was in Bea’s purse.”
Ted tossed the washcloth in the sink, realizing it was a hopeless cause. “You used Bea’s? What was wrong with Sue’s?”
“I borrowed her lip gloss, because Bea‘s was too dark, but I looked in Bea‘s purse first,” Booster answered. “Why does it matter?”
“Because Sue uses regular make-up, and Bea uses stuff that’s tougher than the armor on the Batmobile. It can survive an inferno, you really think it’ll wash off with a little hot water?”
“So what will take it off?”
Ted shrugged. “Hydrochloric acid? Belt sander?”
Booster groaned. “I can’t go out looking like this!”
“You went out looking like that last night.“ Booster glared, and Ted clapped him on the shoulder. “I have sunglasses in the car. Anyone asks, we’ll tell them you’re hung over. After breakfast we can stop at the store and buy some industrial-strength make-up remover.”
Booster kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks. You’re the best.”
The two men went back into the main room and Booster dressed while Ted fidgeted.
“Aren’t you ready yet?” he asked as Booster hunted through his duffel.
“Almost. I just can’t find something.”
“Oh? What?”
Booster didn’t answer, turning the duffel inside out, shaking it, and patting it almost desperately.
“Booster.” No response. “Booster!”
Booster looked up, and Ted walked over, pulling out the gold ring he’d taken earlier. He gently grasped Booster’s left hand and slid the ring on his finger. “With this ring I thee wed,” he whispered, and kissed the back of Booster’s hand.
Booster sighed. “That was mean. I thought I’d lost it.” Ted offered him a second ring, a little smaller but otherwise identical, and Booster took it and solemnly put it on Ted’s finger before kissing Ted fiercely. “Mine.”
“You’re such a romantic. You know, if we just told the others we’d eloped last month, they’d stop trying to find me a new girlfriend.”
“I’ve got fifty bucks and a backrub riding on Ralph figuring it out first. If you tell, you forfeit.”
“That’s the only way you’ll win,” Ted replied. “Sue’s almost as good a detective as Ralph, and she’s better at reading people. Plus, she‘s known how I feel about you for years.”
The two men walked out the door, still arguing over which of their teammates was more likely to figure it out first. Ted went to return the room key while Booster got in the car to look for the promised sunglasses.
“Where do you want to eat?” Ted asked once he got back, climbing into the driver’s seat and starting the car.
Booster shrugged, finally finding the sunglasses. “You pick.”
“Okay, but you’re buying. I gave you all my money last night.”
“Hey, I earned that money!”
“What’s yours is mine, remember?”
Booster sighed dramatically and nodded. He reached over to capture Ted’s hand. Ted smiled and squeezed his hand.
Life was good.
The End
Inspirational Jerry Falwell quote: Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.