(Untitled)

[bootler]

[Note: all credit for "Fuel" goes to James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich of Metallica. Please don't sue me.]

“Gimme fuel / gimme fire / gimme that which I desire / oo-ah!“Woo!!” Teri cheered along with the rest of the bar as her best friend, Timothy “Moth” Peterson, started the first song of the evening. Their bi-monthly karaoke night had become a

Comments

[mermaidbia]

WHOA. I'm scared of Teri now, seriously...
Which, I suppose, proves how well-written this was. Nicely done!

[bootler]

Thank you! I was worried that Teri's shift might be a bit abrupt, but on the other hand I suppose that was kind of the point...

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[pipisafoat]

I loved it. A character so three-dimensional that her own friends can't see it all. Good luck!

[bootler]

Thank you!

[cedarwolfsinger]

SCARY! Oh, very scary. Did I mention scary? Good luck!

[bootler]

Excellent!! Thanks very much :)

Editor!

[triplescorpio]

Hi, I'm contributing on the editing front. I really liked this piece. You evoked the mood well, and Teri's possessive feeling for Monk comes across even early on. You did well with the characterization. My only comment comes from Teri's sudden transformation. I found it a little TOO surprising, I think perhaps there should have been some type of foreshadowing earlier in the story. Although I can also see that that takes away some of the surprise of the encounter. Perhaps what would be better is some more development of the relationship between Teri and Monk that points out more of her possessive feelings. Really, though, you did a great job on evoking mood and emotion and holding interest.

Editing... :)

[intermezzo_poet]

Wow... some very interesting social dynamics, here. I find Teri's obsession/overprotectiveness of her "best friend" fascinating. You managed to bring conflict and resolution into such a short piece, something that is not easy to do, all the while driving the story forward with the backdrop of karaoke night and Metallica lyrics. Lovely