Comments | borndeject: "emotional barrier"

borndeject

"emotional barrier"

Feb 26, 2006 16:00

like i said the doc put me on anti-depressants... his rational is that i am supposed to use them as an "emotional barrier". this got me thinking. what happens when that emotional barrier gets over whelmed. then where the fuck am i gonna be? i just really wish that i could hide under a rock and die. i am so tired of myself and my thoughts that ( Read more... )

Comments 2

dc711 February 27 2006, 07:54:14 UTC

I'm sorry. Sex with random people will never make you feel better. I don't know if it ever makes anyone feel better- it's lookikng for validation in a place where there isn't any... I'm sorry everything feels and seems so shitty. You aren't "a horrible person". Everyone goes through tough times and you're going through some really fucking difficult times right now. I hope you start feeling better soon.
As for the antidepressants... don't worry too much. They'll try to dull the pain for now... and later on you can get off of them- when you're stablized and more receptive to having emotions...
Good luck with everything.

borndeject February 27 2006, 08:47:21 UTC

i think i need to clear this up... i am receptive to having emotions... i am having lots of emotions... hate (of others as well as myself), rage, self loathing, sorrow, hate, and anger. the problem is that as you can see on that list the one crucial emotion i left out that makes us human is happiness... i found out how co dependant i really am. so when i am around people i fake being happy so that they dont think i am boring and walk away from me. i am so painfully scared to share what i am really feeling with anyone cause they are gonna think that i am a giant volcano of insanity just waiting to spew molten crazy all over everybody... i cant take that. i have lost 3 friends in the last month because they decided that i wasnt worth the effort. so how the fuck am i supposed to deal with all of this in the wake of being tramped by the person i love the most and then demolishing the only thing i have left that means a god damned thing to me? i dont know brigid... i walk in circles singing songs of sorrow to myself and crying ( ... )