i honestly thought that my life could not possibly get worse. i crashed my car today... $3000.00 dollars worth of crashed my car today. i fucking hate my life. i am convinced that i am in hell.

today at work all of my friends told me that i should feel a lot better now that my ex wife has signed the divorce papers... then why is it that i have never felt worse... shit.

i uhh... have become relatively sure that i will be alone for a very long time if not the rest of my life... see i came to this reallization after noticing that in times of high stress i resort to instinct which is treat people like shit so that they leave me alone... thus meaning that i will never get another date... i will never fall in love ( Read more... )

umm... i know that things are getting better... i know that i am glad that i am alive even though i should be dead. though a lot of things still hurt really bad. it may sound really stupid but i celebrated and mourned today... i celebrated that today i have made it one month only being half a human and have not yet managed to kill myself ( ( Read more... )

tonight was interesting... im frpretty drunk so probably not so interesting to everyone eslse but just to me... actually the only real funny part about the whole night was that i was described as an eloquent speaker by a fag and a hot chick... that was really strange. i thin kthat they were really drunk too... must have been cause im just a ( Read more... )

yep its still there... the warm fuzzy maintains... today i spent the whole day hangin out with a new friend... its wierd cause i dont normally make friends and now i have... its sorta strange. either who now its time to do valentines day as history intended... throw rocks a people (st. valentine was stoned to death, i think, it doesnt matter ( Read more... )

something happened last night and i think i am gonna be ok... everything seems a lot clearer today and i am happier. this feeling may pass but i am under the impression right now that i just needed to hear something and i heard it last night in my sleep and it gave me a real warm fuzzy that lasted all day... i feel the glue of my sanity starting ( Read more... )

i hit a wall today... i reallized something about myself... i've been here before. i know this stress. this is the level of stress where your entire life spirals downward because of one particular event that you see yourself never recovering from. this event eats at you day in and day out until you kill yourself, unless someone stops you. ( Read more... )

today i had a really dumb conversation with my cousin. its amazing how things start. he wanted to go to jack in the box at 2 in the morning. all i could think about waiting in the drive through line was how many times i did this with my wife... i dont know how much longer i can handle things like this. nothing has ever been harder for me. now ( Read more... )

its amazing how a song that you have hated for so long can suddenly have so many things in common with your life. i heard this song on the radio the other day and my heart beat so fast and i cried so hard that i had to pull over and let it out. music has always been a large part of my life but never had this much of an effect on me. i just wish ( Read more... )