OH lj... how i've forgotten your existence. mandy reminded me of you... but i dont feel like talking so i'll update later. (when mandy reminds me you exist again) haha

maybe.

okay so i started reading mandy's lj and i was gonna comment and all that good stuff but i couldnt because i started crying. like out of no where. i feel like i'm at my breaking point and that nothing is going right for me at this point in time. i put all of this pressure on myself i know so i dont feel like its really fair of me to bitch or ( Read more... )

i don't want to talk to anyone right now. i'm back to my seculsion habits for the time being. i need a little space to get my feelings back in order that's all. don't be offended ( Read more... )

sooooo off to another MJMA/Junior Gold qualifier. I'm nervous. i havent bowled in a long while. hopefully i dont embarrass myself toooo badly. =\ it's in sturgess which is like 3 hours away? i'm gonna do my homework and some reading down there... get some shit done. i'm not even sure why i'm updating. whatev. last night sucked btw. me=slightly emo ( Read more... )

i suck.

i'm getting sick. my throat hurts super bad and my whole body aches. this better go away soon. i can't miss any school/work/band. my voice is disappearing too. =(

my throat hurts. and i yelled at my band ppl tonight after practice and i feel bad. i hope they dont think i'm a bitch or a hypocrite. =(    i just dont like repeating myself.

I don't want another boyfriend.

I still love Paul.

I can't force myself to like you.

Why do I attract boys who get creepily attached so fast?

I miss my grandma like crazy. 
She'd know what to say to make me feel better and she'd know what to do.

I want to go bowl. 
Basically I just want marching season to be over with so bowling can start and I can ( Read more... )

I"m procrastinating again.

The "think piece" isn't hard it's just I want it to be good and impressive... lol so I'm going slow.

Practice tonight was kinda blah for me. My heart wasn't all there and neither was my head. That got left somewhere else... hehe

I work tomorrow. 3-10... and I know that I'm gonna look forward to walking to my car the ( Read more... )

BARF. Some people nauseate me with thier happiness. I guess that officially makes me bitter. I wonder if I was ever like that... did I ever rub mine and Paul's "relationship" in anyone's face? I sure hope not, especially now that I look back I realize that there are absolutely noooo bragging rights there ( Read more... )

did i spell course right? or is it coarse? wtf? idk. 
its also amazing what a few compliments can do! no matter how small or subtle. i like thinking that i'm appreciated. =)

sooooo today/tonight was 515689795065687901697405785010x better than yesterday/last night. i loooooooove working at target! I wish that i didnt have so much band that way i could ( Read more... )

FUCK THIS. FUCK ME. FUCK MY STUPIDITY. FUCK MY PROCRASTINATION. FUCK MY "TRUSTING HEART". FUCK MY IGNORANCE. FUCK MY HEAD. FUCK BOYS. FUCK TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. FUCK EATING/DRINKING HEALTHY. FUCK REGISTRATION. FUCK SCHOOL. FUCK BAND. FUCK WORK. FUCK BOWLING. FUCK CLEANING. FUCK MY DAD. FUCK EVERYONE FOR LEAVING. FUCK BEING THE GOOD GUY. FUCK ( Read more... )