You guys won't believe it, but I now have 7,000 ring tones on my phone that I got from this awesome Porn Site sponsored by Macy's!!!!1!!1!!!1 ( Read more... )

Somewhere the weather got out of control. No one really noticed at first. Sure, it was December, and it was 50 degrees outside, and everyone liked it. People peeked out their windows and briefly considered taking a walk to the corner to actually buy their Grande Pumpkin Spice Fizzle Latte with extra non-fat organic creamer(sans the cinnamon ( Read more... )

It ocurred to me that the internet was keeping a personal record of me, my life, and all the embarrassing pictures it could muster. According to my birth certificate, I have aged approximately two years since my last feeble attempt at writing an essay of any worth. I think it's been two years. I HOPE it's two years, otherwise I should probably give ( Read more... )

It occurred to me, quite soon after my new roommate moved in, that things would be different in our apartment ( Read more... )

Typical morning. I wake up, I turn on the TV, I eat some Lay's Potato Chips(mm breakfast), and what's the first thing I see? Something on the Home and Garden Network. Because my roommate Kevin constantly has that channel on, hoping to gain some insight on the world of making over people's basements and second bedrooms ( Read more... )

.. and you smell like one too ( Read more... )

Excuse my grandiose title. I like to think highly of myself. And lowly of you. Mainly the latter, but the former helps too ( Read more... )

To follow a trend I've been noticing in a few of my buddies live journal, I thought I'd babble about my love life in almost orgasmically long prose ( Read more... )

Are you touched with "it"? Do you have "talent" Can you "lie"? Do you pester your "normal" friends with several thousand inane lines from your favorite movie, T.V. show, or music video? Are you currently working a dredge of a job, watching as your life slowly swirls away down the cosmic bathtub drain? Are you in the very least, kind of bored ( Read more... )

Author's Note ( Read more... )