As I said in the old place, I am done there. I hope I don't get bitched out much more this weekend. But hey, knock yourselves out. Just don't ask me to open any more veins.
I'm sorry I leaped to conclusions about Roger. It was hard not to get upset when it wasn't clear. And I say that because I want you guys to work out, not because I enjoy taking sides
( ... )
To answer your QUESTION, at the moment I am bleeding all over the fucking floor, so no, I don't really feel helped, mostly I feel barraged from all sides.
LadyJane says sometimes I overreact to shit; maybe this is one of those times.
And maybe if and when my wounds heel, I might feel differently.
Yes, I do believe Jane is right and you are overreacting. Even if Justin has insecurities about you having a friend, he's a very loving person and I don't believe that you can never have a friendship. Michael was a friendship made when you were younger and so you made mistakes with him, well, so what, that doesn't doom you to never managing things better.
Your entire relationship with Justin is an act of hope. It shouldn't work but it does, so I don't think you should write off having friends of your own and him dealing with it.
Also, I thought that while he is busy with the boys and so on, his message did seem to say that he wanted to maybe make up.
I'm sorry you feel shitty. I hope you make up and spend the night in happier activities.
Well, hello. I usually just read your emails and stay out of the journals all together. I'm not here to bitch, since I basically agree with you, and am rather surprised at the way you've been taken to task
( ... )
Well, thank you for the first laugh of today. Of several days. Because I guess Ted IS a friend in a way (okay, in several ways, especially the last couple years) but there is not the least shred of sexual desire there. So your advice makes a certain kind of sense.
I think you are the first person "on my side." Feels like it anyway. Except I am not even feeling on my OWN side. My head is, in fact, fucking spinning, and without chemical enhancements. Not even nicotine.
Funny you mention Michael, because I just discussed THAT with LadyJane. I think this might be the crux of Justin's desire for me not to have friends. Because of the difficulties always present between them. I think Justin not ONLY doesn't trust me not to get sexually involved with other guys, I am thinking he doesn't want me emotionally involved either, like at all.
Michael is the ONLY person (before and after Justin) who has ever grabbed me at all, in the heart region. (Well, Gus of course, and also Debbie and Vic and Lindsay, but that's different.)
I apologize for misjudging you and what happened. With your reputation as the legendary cocksman, I jumped to the conclusion that you fucked the guy (I posted my previous comments before your explanation went up). I think we all made assumptions based on your reputation, not on what actually happened, before you had a chance to explain. I'm sorry.
By the way, was the meeting you skipped to stay home today with Roger? I know, I'm too suspicious curious for my own good.
The ONLY kind of friend I could have (not that I need or want friends, because I don't, but if I did) that would not worry Justin, would be a woman. I have, or had, that with Lindsay, but that was not always purely platonic.
While Lindsay means a lot to me, and not only because of Gus, that kind of friendship is not something I want to repeat with another woman.
Besides, it's not completely outside the realms of possibility that I would want to fuck a woman, if I liked her. Highly unlikely. Very highly unlikely. But although it was mostly an experiment with Linds (for both of us) in college, I have to admit that it was not ENTIRELY revolting.
Or so I recall.
Now, let's hope Justin does not read this, or he will forbid me to be friends with women too. And where does that leave me? Guess I could adopt a dog or cat. Can you really imagine me holdng a cat on my lap?
No, no, the kind of friend you need is a successful, extremely intelligent man with a ruthless streak and a great sense of humor, who happens to be overweight and bald. You'll have plenty of intellectual stimulation and Justin won't be worried.
Do not fuck a woman. If you don't like Justin in jealous mode, imagine your voyeurs here all in jealous mode instead. Save yourself!
Okay I shouldn't post because I just got to the cottage and I have had a couple of Coronas but I can't stand it. Brian, you are a complete sweetie but like Jane said you are being a bit of a drama queen here. Everyone, EVERYONE, is entitled to friends and Justin did not say you shouldn't have friends. He was concerned because of the sexual joking and flirting not the friendship.
Listen Brian, my husband plays tennis in a mixed league and the female players frequently flirt with him. Well I don't spend my time worrying about it or agonizing. Why? He comes home and tells ME about it. In fact some have flirted with him in front of me but you know I really don't care because he comes home with ME.
Remember Justin LOVES YOU, so as long as you are honest, I am sure he will understand. Brian, you are the most exasperating sexy man. This bitch just wants you and Justin to be happy. I saw that Justin posted. Go join him in the hammock. You need the time with him.
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LadyJane says sometimes I overreact to shit; maybe this is one of those times.
And maybe if and when my wounds heel, I might feel differently.
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HEAL
HEAL
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Yes, I do believe Jane is right and you are overreacting. Even if Justin has insecurities about you having a friend, he's a very loving person and I don't believe that you can never have a friendship. Michael was a friendship made when you were younger and so you made mistakes with him, well, so what, that doesn't doom you to never managing things better.
Your entire relationship with Justin is an act of hope. It shouldn't work but it does, so I don't think you should write off having friends of your own and him dealing with it.
Also, I thought that while he is busy with the boys and so on, his message did seem to say that he wanted to maybe make up.
I'm sorry you feel shitty. I hope you make up and spend the night in happier activities.
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Ditto.
Flirting with Michael, or rather letting Michael think you were flirting with him, was a long-time thing
Oh, man (woman, whatever!), holy parallel observation!
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I think you are the first person "on my side." Feels like it anyway. Except I am not even feeling on my OWN side. My head is, in fact, fucking spinning, and without chemical enhancements. Not even nicotine.
Funny you mention Michael, because I just discussed THAT with LadyJane. I think this might be the crux of Justin's desire for me not to have friends. Because of the difficulties always present between them. I think Justin not ONLY doesn't trust me not to get sexually involved with other guys, I am thinking he doesn't want me emotionally involved either, like at all.
Michael is the ONLY person (before and after Justin) who has ever grabbed me at all, in the heart region. (Well, Gus of course, and also Debbie and Vic and Lindsay, but that's different.)
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By the way, was the meeting you skipped to stay home today with Roger? I know, I'm too suspicious curious for my own good.
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Being here to present a united front to Justin's mommy trumped fiduciary issues.
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And, much as I hate to point this out, all the greats know to go out while still on top.
So to speak.
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While Lindsay means a lot to me, and not only because of Gus, that kind of friendship is not something I want to repeat with another woman.
Besides, it's not completely outside the realms of possibility that I would want to fuck a woman, if I liked her. Highly unlikely. Very highly unlikely. But although it was mostly an experiment with Linds (for both of us) in college, I have to admit that it was not ENTIRELY revolting.
Or so I recall.
Now, let's hope Justin does not read this, or he will forbid me to be friends with women too. And where does that leave me? Guess I could adopt a dog or cat. Can you really imagine me holdng a cat on my lap?
Me either.
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Do not fuck a woman. If you don't like Justin in jealous mode, imagine your voyeurs here all in jealous mode instead. Save yourself!
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Listen Brian, my husband plays tennis in a mixed league and the female players frequently flirt with him. Well I don't spend my time worrying about it or agonizing. Why? He comes home and tells ME about it. In fact some have flirted with him in front of me but you know I really don't care because he comes home with ME.
Remember Justin LOVES YOU, so as long as you are honest, I am sure he will understand. Brian, you are the most exasperating sexy man. This bitch just wants you and Justin to be happy. I saw that Justin posted. Go join him in the hammock. You need the time with him.
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I'll volunteer.
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