uh. lost it. again. can i please stop being so damn insecure about the ppl around me. everything is surreal. and just not enough. lonely. wrong. its not even that i cant do it all. i cant do anything. one fucking day im sure.

really. really god. i dont mean to sound like i dont appreciate you or are ungrateful or that i dont understand the magnitude of you being ya know god. i dont like to question your intentions if anything that ive tried to keep true as i live this hell i like to call my life, yes i know you can make it worse, is that you have this for a reason. ( Read more... )

its really weird i havent written in here forever. one day i just woke up and thought. crap i complain a lot in here and i wear my heart on my sleeve and everyone reads it. uh yeah maybe i should shut up. so i did. but here i am again. its funny what happens in your life and you dont realize the significance until way down the road. and now it just ( Read more... )

its really weird. i never in a million years thought i would be where i am at. but i gotta stick to my guns. as hard as it is. and listen to what myself tells me i want. i am so drained. emotionally mentally everything. i hate being caught up/attached too much or too little. i cant seem to find a balance. i cant seem to get exactly what i am ( Read more... )

its been snowing for two days straight. i love it. seriously love it. i wish school wasnt like two days away so i can just play in the snow for like a week. so much as happened. completely out of the blue it doesnt make sense my brain wont take it in i cant control myself or my actions type things. and my heart cant take it all. and i have had an ( Read more... )

i am NOT okay. its not okay. i hate to go over it over and over but i am not in anyway okay with it. its not gonna happen for me. sorry i am stubborn and sorry i seem bitchy but its not going to happen. i am not willing to forgive you. cuz i cant believe that it will ever be okay. i cant believe that i will trust you again or that you arent lying ( Read more... )

yeah. lost.completely. very ungrounded which is why i am going home instead of getting my tattoo. i feel all over the place and a complete failure as a friend. and no on can fix that. i know i can be a good friend. but i feel like i havent at all. and disappointement from other ppl is the worst feeling ever. so i need home. i need my parents. and i ( Read more... )

things are starting to feel good again, on track almost. not to jinx it or anything. and i get to come home this weekend. and some good ol home is really what i need. i hope. i dont want to jinx that either. things are set and i am so afraid that its gonnna get fucked up real quick. but i am gonna be optimistic. yay. i get to see my family and ( Read more... )

i feel like a little kid. that cant take care of herself. it really fucking sucks. its like everyone can handle my life but me. and they will. and little oh poor bri who cant take anything in life at this point is gonna sit her little naive self at home and drink cuz thats apparently all i know how to do while everyone else does it for her. cuz i ( Read more... )

but it hurts too much to think about yet again. i am voting on not thinking anymore. yeah. new goal. but ill leave you with this...

what is love not?

cottage cheese.

-- guy from my psych class

if only.