SHOW #40 // THE NEWS AT SIX

[dimensioneye]

[ Have you ever wanted to be an anchorman? Or have the ability to tell it exactly like it is? Well good, because Brofist TV is now the Bro Reports News Station, and all of you are now reporters, both in the studio and LIVE ON THE SCENES of exciting news. Everyone will get a news bulletin and be told to read it. Whatever yours is, it will actually

Comments

[that_is_the]

[Question calmly sits down at the table and neatly taps his small pile of papers against the desk before quickly glancing over it and staring at the camera.]

Breaking Story: The Girl Scouts of the United States of America, a youth organization well-known for selling cookies across the country was recently revealed to be a covert operation by various private enterprises to train girls form employment in underpaying jobs in the sales sector while simultaneously selling unhealthy material in baked sweet form for the purposes of a large-scale mind control operation to get those who eat them to think they're actually good and therefore buy more cookies.

Film at 11.

[lesyays]

I always knew those girls were suspicious. I'm certainly glad we don't have anything like that in Japan.

[that_is_the]

[Question slams his fist on the table.]

Or so you THINK! Have you ever heard of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts?! 145 Nations have branches! Including Japan!

Their reach is global! Their power is unquestioned!

You may feel safe and secure but they are actively working to undermine the very freedom of human kind!

You could be next! They will FIND YOU eventually!

NO ONE IS SAFE!

[lesyays]

Well, my goodness, Tom!

I guess we should be extra careful from now on! ♥

[ can you tell that chizuru's news sheet only says "look pretty and act concerned"? she moonlights as an anchorwoman on Naked News. ]

[fourleafpioneer]

THIS IS YOTSUBA!!! I've got some breaking news!!!

[She points back at what had originally been Snuggles kicking around her toys in a game of 'Holy crap it's Godzilla!', and is now Giant Snuggles kicking over Booster Gold's trailer.]

A giant dinosaur is attacking the Brofist League! HOW EVER WILL WE ALL SURVIVE?!

I'm here on the street asking people about how this dinosaur attack will affect their plans for the weekend!

[gold_hero]

... my house...again...

[fourleafpioneer]

SIR!!!

[Shoves a microphone in his face.]

HOW WILL THIS MONSTROUS RAMPAGE AFFECT YOUR HOLIDAY WEEKEND?!

[gold_hero]

... I don't have a place to sleep now.

[shieldheart]

[ Aigis reads her lines with absolutely no shortage of both curiosity and confusion. ]

"A landshark sighting has led residents to fear that the forces within the Pacific are making their move against the world governments to obtain power.

More on this story from our journalist at the shore, speaking with a landshark representative."

[filmthat]

Breaking news, everyone! Director Radric has been sacked and replaced by a young, up-and-coming stalker journalist. The identity of this mysterious girl?

Me!

Now, Sugawa with the weather.

[tsunbaka]

[ SUDDENLY A GRUMPY BUNDLED UP BLOND OUT IN THE SNOW. ]

TODAY'S WEATHER IS FUCKING COLD AS S***. AND HERE'S A NEWS BULLETIN, F*** YOU, RUBY!

[filmthat]

This just in: Sugawa is in great need of anger management therapy.

[tsunbaka]

Hey, important flash!

Ruby is a voyeur **** who needs to shut the f*** up!

1/2 because bossman demanded it

[chainsawthat]

[There's an Urotsuki. Blinking at the camera for a few minutes before reading her lines on the paper in her hand.]

In breaking news...there has been a sudden recall for the "Mellow Maromi", or "The Make You Feel Better About How Much You Suck" dog plush from all the stores in the Wall Market due to being made on "lies and empty promises".

...Customers have not taken this well and have sparked what is called a second "Maromi Mania" wave that hasn't been seen since...I have no idea, for some reason the previous report on that is missing. Their aggressive acts against store-owners from smashing their windows to get to the plushies invariably...

2/3 actually

[paranoiamascot]

[Suddenly there's a loud noise like glass shattering behind her as suddenly waves upon waves of Maromi plushies start pouring out of the Wall Market, a large enough wave to be sweeping unsuspecting bystanders under the smothering tide of the pink dogs]

Oh god I'm drowning! Too much adorableness! Heeellllppp!!

3/3

[chainsawthat]

[...Thankfully Urotsuki is standing in a high enough spot to not get swept away, but she just watches for a moment as people get barreled over and buried in the plush dogs before returning back to the camera, blinking.]

...Ah...and now back to...someone else with their story I guess...um...

[mindovermatter]

[ pauses.

p-picks one up... ]