I work so damn hard to be a good person, but I realize now that because I am only human, an empath, I have too many cracks in my facade.
And how can you try to be good when everyone keeps looking for the bad? My own family is constantly looking for the bad, wanting to see the bad. It makes me wonder if I should just be bad.

This may be weird, but I cut because I'm afraid of what I'm capable of. I live life trying to be a good person, trying to do all the right things, though I always get in the way of myself. But I don't feel like a good person. And deep down, there's this rage that scares even myself. And if I ever let it loose, would I ever be able to cage it again ( Read more... )

Just trying to survive without another slash to the wrist. Its been so long and I've been trying so hard not to backslide but seeing my own blood is like a drug as insane as that may be ( Read more... )

It's been a really long time, and boy have I really fucked things up. I'm in my senior year and I still have no idea what direction my life is going. I'm constantly flip-flopping. Wanting multiple things. Cuz really, I just want to be happy. I want a decent job, to get married, and to have a family. That's all. But when it comes to figuring out ( Read more... )

I've lost the want to eat. The want to be touched by my boyfriend. I just feel hurt. By him. I know he's hiding things from me. And that if I knew, it would break my heart.

I don't protest anymore...I just take whatever you give me, and shut up. Who cares what I have to say?

So, I may have to lose the one good thing in my life. Turns out, my boyfriend may have to go back home, and, because of past experience, he doesn't want to try to pretend that a long distance relationship might work out ( Read more... )

I'm gonna scream.

Classes are not going well. First my teachers say there'll be three tests and a final, now its just two, and the final is always hard as hell in circuits....meaning, if I dont ace this test, I fail the class. FUCK! I don't wanna lose my scholarship.

I cut deeper than I've ever cut before. If he finds out, its over.

I cut deeply for the first time in a long time...all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut and disturbed the peace between me and my boyfriend all over something my psychiatrist said.