I love how he pretends that I don’t know him better than he knows himself, like I cant read ever action that he has and be able to tell what he is thinking, what he is doing and what he plans to do long before he does. I think sometimes he forgets than in this story I have been on both sides, and I am not an idiot. This has become a hard position ( Read more... )

I have not had insomnia for as long time. I had almost forgotten what it felt like. Sure enough, at the first sign of any kind of turmoil my body decided it doesn’t need to sleep anymore. It is a restless feeling, like I drank to much caffeine or something. My body is tired, but no matter how long I lay in bed my brain will not shut off. There are ( Read more... )

In this moment we begin our descent. No longer traveling forward with hope in our hearts but standing still and waiting for the moment to pass. Every relationship has this pinnacle moment, the split second in time that leads to an end of everything that has, until this point, been so promising. I can see them all. Lined up like film stills in my ( Read more... )

I’m sorry that nothing is ever enough for you. I’m sorry that you can have all you ever wanted and still not be able to find beauty in this world. I am sorry that I cant love you enough, or that I love you to much, you see it is hard to really know, you change your mind so often. I am glad I came here for you so I can watch you be unhappy and feel ( Read more... )

so this week has been crazy. For a few weeks now i have been feeling like i was getting sick, i thought maybe it was just a cold or something. So, we decided just to be safe i had better take a pregnancy test just to make sure thats not what was going on befor i pumped my body full of meds, and sure enough, we are having a baby ( Read more... )

sometimes when i read my old myspace blogs is scares me how fast my life can completely change. One second i am happy and doing great, and the very next blog i am miserable and have yet again skipped states to escape. This is another one of those times ( Read more... )

i moved back to iowa yesterday. there was no warring, i didnt know i was going to do it, i just did it. out of the blue, poof, i was here. the group here jumped in the car and came to get me befor i really bothered to think about what i was doing, and now it is done, i am here, and that is how it has to stay ( Read more... )

i have a lot on my mind tonight. I have had a lot on my mind for many nights actually, but tonight, well technicaly thismorning i can write about a little bit of it ( Read more... )

Is it so wrong to fear the world outside this door. the world that can consume you from within like an atom bomb and leave you crumpled and crying in the hallway of your existance beaten and alone? is it so wrong to want to pull the covers over my head and pretend that nothing exists on the other side, nothing moving, nothing living, dying, ( Read more... )