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[broknmirrorgirl]

She painted and removed and repainted her nails obsessively. No color seemed right and everything needed to be perfect. She needs to be awake soon, but can't sleep until she gets it just right. The pain of others is so much more exhausting than her own.

Comments

[bennybunny]

Isn't that always the way.

When I was younger, when I knew no way out of struggles, I sought to take on others far more.

Looking back now, perhaps I was more selfish then than I have ever been. Martyrdom is a dicey business if not well executed.

I suspect I do far more good for people now I live a little less vicariously but with more steel and determination about my actions. Talking has its place. I am getting better at listening, I hope.

Nice to see you back here more regularly.

[broknmirrorgirl]

I just haven't ever known how to deal with pain of my own, so when it comes to trying to deal with the pain of others I am less than useless. It was the night before my fiance's father's wake and I had spent two hours trying to buy every possible thing that him and his siblings could require from me. I should have been exhausted from my frantic errand running, but I still couldn't sleep. So I painted my nails over and over... as though if I could fix some tiny detail I could make them all hurt less.

I listen on the rare occasions he wants to talk, but I also know that this kind of hurt can be so personal and private and impossible to put into words.

I'm definitely glad to be back on a somewhat more regular basis.