The ups are good, and the downs are bad.  Yet the ups seem to be shorter and the downs longer.  What's wrong with this picture?  How can the smallest piece of information be a catalyst for such intense emotions?  I found myself thoroughly confused today.  A few simple words brought me some clarity, but it was not what I wanted to hear.  I have a ( Read more... )

I returned home after a night of dark brown spiced rum and dilapidating cigarettes, and read your pretty words.  I feel nothing in my chest except the chill that only stone can render.  I laid myself before him.  And I thank him for not indulging.  My heart is not soft enough for another just yet.  I must forget.  Out with the old and in with the ( Read more... )

I taste it in the wind, I smell it in the sunshine.  The changes are all around me.  I want to push onward and see where these changing roads will take me.  But patience is a virtue.  New life, new existance; good things come to those who wait.  And I have been waiting for so very long.  Is it finally my turn?  Good with bad, bad with good, it ( Read more... )

I'm left tonight with your changing persona on my mind.  You are my best friend, I cannot help but think of you and the changes I feel are coming.  I do not handle change well, and this uncertainty has me uneasy, at best.  You wish for my happiness and I thank you for that.  But please know that my happiness comes from you by my side, talking with ( Read more... )

As insomnia is overtaking me, I lie awake thinking of the last year.  Another birthday in just three days.  Where did time go?  I have felt emotions I never dreamed existed, discovered things about myself I never knew were within me, experienced the selfishness of others whom I care for deeply, completely changed my appearance, made friends and ( Read more... )

Today has been amazingly wonderful.  I piddled around for a bit then got a call from my mom who wanted me to return her set of dominoes.  So, I went and was pleasantly suprised to find my neice was there for the day.  Seeing is how I had nothing better to do, her and I sat down and colored with a handful of crayons and clean white paper, while rain ( Read more... )

My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run.
And it wears me out
It wears me out

This world is filled with intricate mechanics.  Gravatational lines crossing and fucking to produce empty shells and dry veins.  Our precious bodily fliuds are condemed to rot in drains of synthetic chemicals and refuse.  And oh, that sweet lubricant that allows us to feel for only moments is tapped until it runs no more.  Moments which are ( Read more... )

I write with honesty that I have never felt so alone before.  I am hanging on to nothing but the failure that has yet to come.  Unfortunately I sometimes believe that I am special enough to soften hearts.  I need affection.  I need to be a part of someone's life, not just in it.  I need to be shown off as the prize on his arm, and see him standing ( Read more... )

I'm so confused with life.  Just when I think I've got it all figured out, I get thrown for a loop.  You confuse me so.  You make me loathe the thought of you, but I can't help but to pick up your calls.  Matt was singing a lyric earlier that made me think of you:  "Baby, you drive me crazy, but when I look into those eyes you save me."  I'm sorry ( Read more... )