Your family situation is ridiculous. There is no reason you should be supporting them, and they shouldn't expect it. I know it's hard to break out of the cycle, but just start saying no. Refuse to do little things, and then refusing to do the big things will be somewhat easier.
You're right. And, I know, logically, that I need to start saying no. I just when I have to look them in the face and say the words, I just don't have the balls to do it.
I am trying though! I have been saying no, but then they got themselves into a situation where I felt forced to help them, because they are my family. Then I feel bad because everyone tells me I enable them, and I see their point.
The only way they will ever take care of themselves is if you don't do it for them. Perhaps it was different when your brothers were younger - I can understand that, but it isn't good for ANY of you for you to keep bearing this burden. If they choose not to take care of themselves, it is just that, a choice. They are not your responsibility. As hard as that may be to consider (much less do) it really is the best thing for all concerned.
yeah, I have known this for years. It's why I moved out here, in attmept to make things healthier for all of us. Running away is the only thing I have the guts to do, and even that didn't help, they just followed me. One day, hopefully I will have the spine enough to be able to say no. I am getting there. Slowly, very slowly. But surely.
Actually, I felt bad, but when I volunteered at a shelter this summer, I thought it might be good for my mom to have to live there for a few weeks. That it might motivate her to get out there and find at least a part time job at a gas station - or something. But then I immediatley felt guilty for thinking that.
Next time this kind of situation comes up though, and it will, I am going to be a lot tougher though. I am at the point now, where it's just time.
I love your suggestion about waiting until they have a job, and then telling them they need to attempt to pay me back. I wish I had done that.
It sounds like you have some suggestions, especially maxy's, for some concrete ways to help break the cycle, but perhaps you should make time for yourself to go spend a few hours with a councilor who will focus only on helping you say no to your family. (I'm sure we could also spend years with a councilor, but that's probably not what you need right now.) most schools have some reduced cost or free session available for their students, and he/she could be really helpful at just helping you build the tools to say no sometimes.
I have thought about that in the past, taking us all to some sort of group therapy, actually. But I have never done it because that would require the one other thing I am not good at besides saying no, and that is asking for help. But, yeah, if something like this happens again, maybe its time.
Haha, actually that is my gut instinct. That is what I really, really want to do when situtations like this come up. But I have to finish school first. I am so close!
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You deserve to go on this awesome trip.
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I am trying though! I have been saying no, but then they got themselves into a situation where I felt forced to help them, because they are my family. Then I feel bad because everyone tells me I enable them, and I see their point.
I don't know. The guilt either way crushes me. =/
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Next time this kind of situation comes up though, and it will, I am going to be a lot tougher though. I am at the point now, where it's just time.
I love your suggestion about waiting until they have a job, and then telling them they need to attempt to pay me back. I wish I had done that.
Oh well. Haha. Next time.
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