"hello and welcome to the mental health hotline. if you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. if you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you. if you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. if you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want; stay on the line and we'll trace your call. if you're delusional,
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