Fanfic: Symphonies of Blinding Light | Part II
For harlequinkradam
Title: Symphonies of Blinding Light (lyric taken from the Linkin Park song “The Catalyst”)
Word Count: 24,500-ish
Type: Angst/Romance
Rated: R
**
Three Months Later
Lucy spied him in the shadows. They had talked regularly the last few weeks, with him holing up in the studio and not venturing out socially at all. Lucy had insisted he lay low, and he took her advice. Instead of heading out, he had get-togethers at home with his closest friends. Kris still hadn’t hired a new publicist.
“Why are you lurking like you don’t want to be seen?” she nudged Kris’s shoulder and handed him a bottle of water.
“Cuz I don’t want to be seen,” he mumbled. He lifted the water, “Thanks.”
They watched as Adam talked to a sound guy and checked the microphone.
“He’s your new project huh?” Kris asked no trace of bitterness in his voice.
Lucy shrugged, “Met him through a friend of a friend. I had some time…He’s good, no?”
“He’s amazing. I didn’t know he sang.”
Lucy glanced up at him, “Huh.”
Kris stopped in the middle of lifting the water bottle up to his lips, “What does that mean?”
“Nothing, nothing. I gotta go,” she kissed him on the cheek. “See you Sunday, yeah?”
Kris nodded. He missed something. Again. Sighing deeply, he settled into the door jam and watched Adam up on the small stage.
“Sorry about that folks,” Adam said with a small smile. “Some technical difficulties. But I think we’re all good now.”
Cheers and applause filled the small club.
“Last song of the night. This one kind of sums up my life right now, well, at least the title does,” he laughed.
His drummer clicked the sticks, five, six, seven, eight and Adam launched into a jazzy, acoustic version of “Crazy.”
Lucy was one of the first people to greet him as he got off the stage after one of the loudest ovations he had ever received. Adam was giddy with excitement. He grabbed Lucy and twirled her around, making her almost kick the people surrounding them.
“Come on, come on,” she said grabbing his hand. “Got people for you to meet.”
Adam followed her lead into the large storage room that also doubled as his dressing room.
“Adam, this is Michael Batton from LA Weekly,” she said making introductions. “Michael, Adam Lambert.”
The men shook hands and Adam indicated for him to sit. Lucy sat on the arm of the couch, “So Adam, Michael is doing a small piece on the club here, and since you’re now pretty much a part of the regular rotation, he wants to talk to you about the vibe, how you feel and all that.”
Adam nodded, “Sure thing.” He smiled.
“You’re an amazing singer Adam,” Michael noted as he placed a tape recorder on the table in front of them.
“Aww, thank you. Still trying to find my way, but I love it.”
“How is it you got the gig?”
“Well, Ruben, the owner of Luna, comes into the music shop I work at during the day, Westside Music. I guess he heard me singing while I was re-arranging some stuff. Next thing I know, he asked if I would be interested in performing on Wednesdays. And, it kind of rolled from there.”
Michael nodded, “Crazy crowd out there.”
Adam beamed, “I know. It’s nuts!”
“So eventually you got moved to regular rotation on Fridays and Saturdays. How did that move happen?”
Adam looked at Lucy and at her nod, he explained, “Uh, well, I kind of got. Um, well, kind of a funny thing…” he trailed off, not knowing how to answer despite the canned responses Lucy and he had worked on.
“Come on Michael, you know the story, let’s get a move on. Ruben will be here in a few minutes.”
Michael nodded and laughed, “Got it. Okay, so Adam…”
**
Two Months Earlier
A few days after the tabloids hit, Cassidy demanded Adam swing by his store.
“I told you I’m fine,” Adam falling into the couch.
“Whatever,” Cassidy dismissed. “I didn’t tell you to get your ass over here because of all that.”
“Then why am I here?”
Cassidy checked his watch, “You’ll meet her again in a few minutes.”
“Her?” he asked and raised an eyebrow. “Again?”
“It’s not what you think,” he replied laughing. “She’s a friend and I think she’ll be able to help you out. You met her a long, long time ago, so I don’t know if you’ll remember her. But this will be good.”
“Help me out with what? I don’t need help.”
Cassidy loomed over Adam, hands bracing the back of the couch. “Trust me.”
Adam vaguely remembered meeting Lucy before at one of Cassidy’s parties. She was a no-nonsense, no-bullshit kind of gal. Petite, but definitely a force to be reckoned with. Plus, she had killer shoes. What wasn’t there to like?
After the meeting with Lucy at Cassidy’s office, Adam left having a new friend and a publicist to help him wade through the tabloids. Despite the fact that Hollywood’s rising starlet had been busted for drugs and a teen singing sensation was brought-up DUI charges, something about the Kris Allen charity debacle was keeping them going. Lucy told Adam to keep doing what he was doing-ignoring them. He gave her the shortened version of what happened that night.
“I don’t know, he seemed distracted, not all there,” he tried to explain.
“And you didn’t speak with anyone about it?”
“Other than Cassidy and a couple other friends?” he shook his head. “No, not really. I know they wouldn’t have said anything. Plus, I mean, what was there to talk about? It was a dinner. It wasn’t like he was obligated to entertain me or anything you know?”
Lucy sighed, “He could have been nice about it and less of a dickwad.”
Adam laughed, “It’s okay. It was just weird. I felt kind of bad to be honest. It was like the worst blind date ever.” Adam blushed, then continued. “Uh, he kind of disappeared after that though, right? Haven’t really seen him out and about and TMZ can’t get anything from him. I mean, they’re asking me if I know what’s going on with him for fuck’s sake.”
She shrugged, “Eh, don’t worry about it. He’s fine. Now you, this is what I think…”
They chatted all afternoon, comparing everything from designers to make-up to books and movies. But that wasn’t the best part. The best part? She had a shit-load of media contacts and she was bringing them in little by little to hear him sing. Oh, and her doing this as a favor? Didn’t hurt one bit.
Adam’s life got busier by a few more degrees after the tabloids hit. They were following him around, but he kept ignoring them. What else could he say? Westside Music had more customers and Monte was busier than ever with new students lined up for guitar lessons. Ruben was beaming like a mad man because Luna Park was filled to capacity every night it was open.
**
Adam was on his way to the get-together at Lucy’s house. The LA Weekly piece would be coming out in two weeks. Life was good.
The small street in Santa Monica was filled with a mix of children playing in the park across the street and people working on their lawns. As Adam strolled up the sidewalk, he heard the music and laughter as he approached the house. Lucy said to come directly into the backyard and sure enough, lights and streamers and random balloons and other party accessories assaulted him.
Two barbeques were set up and blowing out plumes of smoke and the smell of food. Benches, chairs and blankets were strewn haphazardly wherever there was room. A table was the makeshift bar, filled with as much alcohol as there was in Luna Park.
“Adam!” Lucy squealed. “You made it!”
“I did! But you didn’t tell me it’s a … uh, is it your birthday?”
Lucy made a face and pulled him into the backyard, “Oh fuck no. It’s my annual whatever, whenever party. Bring your leftover party crap, whatever food and alcohol you want and boom, instant party.”
“I like it!” he replied enthusiastically.
“Come on. I’ll introduce you to everyone, but most of them are a little drunk already, so don’t be offended if they don’t remember you later.”
**
Kris sat in the car and debated with himself whether to go in or not. He was already late. Sitting here a few more minutes to decide wasn’t going to change that fact.
His phone beeped with a text message alert, making him jump. He pulled it away from the charger.
Where the fuck r u? You’re late asshole. Show up or pay l8r
He threw his head back against the car seat. Well, that answered that question. He killed the engine and reached over to grab the two bottles of wine he bought on the way.
Instead of going directly to the backyard, Kris went to the front door and opened. He’d rather deal with the crowd slowly and painlessly instead of having the surge of people on him at once. He was walking through the hallway towards the kitchen and backyard. His phone buzzed again, so he shifted the bottles to under one arm to grab the phone from his back pocket and swiftly ran into a body coming around the corner.
“Oh shit! Sorry, sorry,” the voice said, hands out to steady Kris.
“No, it’s okay, I should have…” Kris voice trailed off as he saw who he had just into.
Adam and Kris stared at each other, eyes wide, suddenly at a loss for words.
Adam released his grip on Kris as if touched by a hot brand, “Uh, hi. Sorry. I was just…” he quickly ran back into the kitchen. Kris watched as he fumbled with the screen door to go back outside.
“Kris, you goddamnnogoodmotherfucker,” Lucy yelled from the hallway. “You’re late and already scaring off my guests.”
Kris thrust the wine bottles at her. “Here. I-, I, uh, I need to go.”
Lucy seized the bottles and Kris and marched him into the kitchen, “Like hell you’re going anyway. You were late and now that you’re here, you’re going to eat, mingle and pretend you’re having fun. I don’t give a shit if you’re not.”
Wine bottled gripped in each fist, she used them to push Kris’s back and move him forward. After setting the bottles down on the counter, she clutched his elbow and whispered furiously, “Smile and make nice.”
Kris couldn’t help but chuckle. He captured her free hand and placed a chaste kiss to her knuckles, “You are just insane.”
She leaned her head onto his shoulder, “I love you too sweetie.”
She led them outside as the sun was setting. Lights that were strung up around the yard clicked on creating a sparkly retreat, everything from Christmas greens and reds to red peppers and pumpkin faces lit up the backyard. Someone went around to light the tiki torches, flames bursting high before settling into dim supplements to the string lights.
He tensed up as he saw where she was leading him.
She squeezed his arms tighter, “Don’t you say a word. You will be nice.”
“Hey guys,” Lucy said with fake enthusiasm. “This is my good friend Kris. He’s fragile right now so be nice. I’m going to get us a drink, okay?” She left him standing with a group of strangers, well, everyone but Adam.
Kris put one hand in the pocket of his jean and the other reached behind him to rub at the back of his neck nervously, “Uh, hi.” They all replied in kind with courteous “how are yous” and “nice to meet yous.” He looked back to see where Lucy was with his drink. He really, really wanted a drink.
“Did you want me to get you a drink or something?”
Kris turned to the voice. It was Adam.
“Ah, yeah, no, it’s okay. Lucy’ll be here in a minute.” Adam nodded and turned back to his conversation.
Kris stood awkwardly until Cassidy came up to him, “Hey Kris.”
Kris smiled, “Hi. Cassidy right?” Cringing inwardly when he saw Cassidy’s face slightly shocked at the fact he remembered.
“Yeah, good to see you again man.”
“Good to see you too. Are you here with Adam?”
Cassidy nodded, “Uh, yeah. And, I got to know Lucy after she started working with Adam…” He looked away uncomfortably.
Kris shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. I needed the tough love, and I’m glad Lucy’s working with Adam. She’ll be able to help him out a lot. He’s amazing.”
“Uh, listen,” Kris started to say.
“Hey look, two of my favorite boys chatting it up,” Lucy interrupted. “So much pretty, yet so much gay. Story of my life. Here,” she said, shoving a water bottle in Kris’s hand.
“Lucy,” Kris squirmed.
“What?” she said brushing off his censorious tone. “So, who’s singing tonight? Sun is down, the pit is about to be lit.”
Cassidy yanked Adam from his conversation. “I think Adam and Kris should.”
“Kris and I should what?” Adam asked.
“Great idea!” Lucy squealed. She grabbed both men by the arms and dragged them to the chairs being set up next to the fire pit. “Think about what you’ll be singing. Kris I’ll go grab your guitar from the house.”
“But…” Kris tried to protest.
“Be nice boys!” she waved and rushed back through the yard.
“So,” Adam said.
“Well,” Kris said at the same time.
They laughed nervously at each other.
“This is a little awkward huh?” Adam asked.
“You’d think I’d be used to this by now with Lucy,” Kris replied. He cleared his throat and looked over at Adam, “Um, listen, that night…”
Adam started shaking his head, “No, don’t worry about it.”
“Please let me finish?” he insisted. “I was a complete dick that night. I, I had some bad news and I…I’ve been having some personal issues that I’ve been dealing with. I’m generally not such an asshole, but that night was…even for me it was.”
Adam smiled tightly, “It’s okay. I understand.”
Kris shook his head, “No, it’s not okay. I want to make it up to you?”
Adam crooked his head and looked apologetic, “I’m kind of busy lately…”
“Okay boys. Have you picked out a song? What are you going to do to entertain me…er, us?” Lucy asked jumping in the middle of them.
Kris grabbed the guitar, “Uh, how about the Gnarls Barkley song? You know that, right?”
Adam nodded slowly, obviously stunned Kris would know that he knew and sang that. “Sure…” he said dragging out the word.
“Great, let’s start from there and see where the mood takes us then.”
**
“It’s not working Lucy,” Cassidy said sleepily, head on her lap.
“It will, trust me,” she replied and started to comb her fingers through his hair. “Besides, did you not see them together? They’re perfect for each other. So different, yet so similar. There’s magic there.”
Cassidy snorted, “Magic only you can see apparently.”
She smacked his stomach, “Shush. I’m just pushing them along.”
“Is that why you stopped working with Kris and started helping Adam? Or was it guilt?”
She paused and idly scratched his head, “A little of both I guess. Kris needed a wake-up call, and Adam…he’s just too talented and too adorable to just be stuck playing in these clubs for the rest of his life.”
“And if you happen to put your two pet projects together…”
“And magic happens?” she burst out laughing. “Then I will be the biggest, baddest, most awesomest fairy godmother you will have the pleasure of knowing.”
Cassidy turned on his side, “You kill me.”
“Fuckers better invite me to their wedding.”
**
“How did you know about Crazy and that I’d be able to do it acoustically?” Adam asked as they walked around picking up empty bottles in the yard.
Kris and Adam stayed back to help the last of the revelers clean up. After the last of the impromptu five-song set, their audience left, then shouted “no more acoustic crap! We want to dance!” and blasted the speaker system.
Kris didn’t look at Adam. He bent down to pick up another bottle. “I saw your gig a few weeks ago,” he said softly.
Adam almost missed the words as he stared at Kris’s ass in the tight jeans. “Uh, oh, you did?”
“You’re really amazing.”
Adam blushed, “Thanks.”
“I remember you saying you had gigs, but didn’t realize you meant singing.”
“Oh, yeah. That.” Adam continued to toss bottles into his bag. “Um, how did you know and find out?”
“Lucy’s been working on a mysterious project, and it turned out to be you. So I sort of asked around.”
“Oh.”
Kris moved closer to him. “I’m serious, you know. About my offer for a dinner re-do? I really want to make it up to you somehow. Are you up for a do-over?”
Adam eyed him suspiciously, “Is Lucy making you do this? I mean, I’ve been working with the woman and she’s fantastic and energetic and has fabulous shoes, but she is scary and intimidating. But I don’t want you to feel like…”
Kris silenced his chatter by putting two fingers to his lips, “No. She didn’t say anything. It’s something I want to do.”
Adam felt the heat of those two fingers course through his body. He saw Kris’s eyes widen and lips draw apart. Kris snatched his hand back and grabbed two crushed plastic cups from the table.
They moved away from each other and worked with the others to clean up the yard. Adam hauled his filled trash bag to sit with the others. He headed straight into the kitchen without looking around for Kris. After he washed his hands, he walked over to where Lucy and Cassidy were sprawled out on the couch. He bent over and kissed them both on the cheek. “Thanks for tonight. I’m heading out.”
Cassidy mumbled his goodbye and Lucy drowsily looked up at him, “Sweetie. Thanks for coming and helping to clean up. Drive home safe, okay?”
“Goodnight guys.”
Adam pilfered through the chair in the foyer where everyone had dumped their jackets upon entering. It was spring time in California, which meant it could still be downright chilly in the evenings. There was still a mess of jackets considering most everyone had left. Finally finding his blazer, he opened the door.
And ran into Kris. Again.
“Crap. Sorry.” Adam apologized.
Kris held out his arm, “Sorry, I didn’t … oh. We have to stop running into each other like this.”
Adam smiled at the cheesy line.
“Did you need to come back in?” Adam asked, moving aside.
Kris stayed rooted at the door, “Actually, I came back to find you.”
Adam searched Kris’s eyes. The overhead lights shining brightly down on them, highlighting the golden specs in the soft brown. His dark brown hair tousled from his hands running through them all night. Kris looked determined and utterly kissable. Adam remembered the guitar-callused fingers on his lips and shuddered.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Adam said softly. He looked away from Kris and tried to move past him through the front door.
Kris let him go, and as soon as he was over the threshold, clasped his arm. Kris quickly shut the door solidly behind them. Momentum from Kris’s grasp swayed Adam’s back into the corner of the closed door. Kris edged up into his body, closing the distance between them. He moved his hand from Adam’s upper arm to his waist, hand firmly holding on.
Kris’s lips came crashing onto his, body heat pressing through clothes, hand gripped tight against his neck. As electricity shimmered between them, Adam dropped his jacket and instead of bringing him closer, pushed him away.
Breathing hard, he glared at Kris, “What the hell? Are you drunk?”
Kris laughed bitterly, “No, sober for 42 days and…” he checked his watch, “3 hours and 22 minutes.”
“What the fuck?”
Kris shrugged, “Felt like it.”
“Ugh,” Adam groaned and started to walk away. “You know, I used to like you. I was a big fan…one of your biggest.”
Kris caught up with him in the driveway, “Wait. What do you mean ‘used to’ and ‘was’?”
“Go away, Kris Allen,” Adam waved him off. “Just go away.”
Kris watched as Adam headed left, away from him.
**
“You kissed him? Are you insane?” Lucy shouted. “You kissed Adam? My Adam Lambert? On my doorstep?”
Kris moved the phone away from his ear. He cringed as she continued to yell. He sighed, why did I open my fat mouth and tell her?
“Put the phone back to your ear Kris Allen, I’m not done yelling.”
Kris smirked, “I’m going to hang up on you if you continue. I already know it was dumb, but he was there and I just felt” he paused, “I don’t know. I just felt something as we were singing together. I thought maybe he did too.”
Kris fell back into his couch, socked feet up on the back of it. He held the phone tight, “I. Well, shit. I don’t know.”
“Hello? Lucy?” He pulled back the phone to see if they were still connected. The seconds were still ticking and the call was still in progress.
“Yeah, I’m here,” she answered quietly.
“What?”
“You’ve finally done it Kris.”
“Done what?” he asked obviously confused.
“You’ve got me speechless.”
Kris burst out with laughter. He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the couch. He wiped away his tear and didn’t even realize she had hung up on him.
**
Kris hid out in the back shadowed corner that he had come to think of as his. Bottle of water in hand, he continued to stand and watch Adam perform. Lucy caught him a few times and muttered “crazy stalker” as she walked by. Now, she just ignored him.
As soon as Adam’s set was done, he slipped out of the club and drove home. He went immediately to his studio and started writing lyrics and plucking chords to potential melodies. He had sudden bursts of inspiration, songs that he wanted to hear with Adam’s voice. He wasn’t sure if they were necessarily his style, but knew that it would suit him one way or another.
He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. Damn. Nearly 3:00AM already. He needed to get some sleep. He turned off the lights and closed the door when he heard the knocking. Hard knocks followed by the continuous ringing of the doorbell and more knocking.
“Jesus, I’m coming. I’m coming!” he shouted.
He flipped on the patio light and opened the door. He stood in shock as Adam almost fell over him in the process of pounding on the door again. Reacting quickly, Kris grabbed his arms to keep him from falling and hauled his heavy body inside.
Kris half-dragged him over to the couch and scrunched his nose. The smell of alcohol wafted from Adam in a giant wave like hot sun on asphalt during the summer.
“What the…oof… what…Christ you’re heavy…are you doing here? Shit…oomph…are you okay?” Kris asked heaving Adam’s alcohol-induced-dead-weighted body completely onto the couch. “How did you know where I live?” he lastly asked, out of breath.
“You’re stalking meeee,” he slurred. “Hiding out in the corner then you’re not there. Then disappearing. Wanted to see if it was really you or some creeper.” He laughed loudly and nearly pulled Kris down onto him.
He looked as Adam’s booted feet hung off the arms of the couch. Shit. He pulled on them, yanking them off. The mismatched socks made him smile a little. He rounded back to where Adam’s head lay crooked on a cushion. He leaned over and poked his shoulder, “Hello?”
In response, he got a light snore and a turning of the body deeper into the couch. Kris rolled his eyes, “Fine. Be that way.” He took the plaid fleece from a sitting chair and placed it carefully over the prone body. He checked the locks on doors again and turned down the lights. He headed upstairs, but stopped. He went to the linen closet, grabbed another blanket and pillow and went back to the living room. He settled into his old recliner in the corner and went to sleep listening to the even breathing of the other man.
**
Adam woke with a start. He didn’t know what it was that woke him, but he didn’t move. Just looked up trying to recognize what he could by not budging. The ceiling, the room. He turned his head slowly, eyeing the furniture, the window that was streaming in a ray of sun that was hitting his face, the blanket.
He moved his head again and a bludgeoning pain commandeered the space behind his eyes and eyebrows, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck,” he groaned.
Suddenly a body was next to him, “You okay? Hangover hitting you huh?” A slight chuckle. Adam squinted, a fuzzy, shadowy face loomed over him. The shadowed person had a slight Southern accent, kind of like, “Oh shit.” He sat up and tried to scramble back, but the arm of the couch was holding him prisoner. Any pain his body was feeling disappeared as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on him.
Kris held his hands up, “Hey…it’s okay. It’s only me. I’m going to hand you this glass of water and a couple Tylenol, yeah?” He carefully reached over to the glass sitting on the coffee table. He kept his eyes on Adam, not breaking eye contact. He knew Adam was freaked out, no point in making it worse. He handed the water and the pills to Adam.
After seeing Adam gulp the water down and swallow the pills, Kris slowly got up from the couch. Adam’s piercing blue eyes still wide and freaked out. “I’m going to put a towel and a change of clothes in the bathroom okay? You can shower, change, freshen up, whatever. It’ll make you feel better, yeah? Don’t move, okay? When I get back, I’ll show you where to go.”
He backed out of the living room. After turning the corner, he ran up the stairs, taking steps two at a time. He fished out extra toiletries and a towel. He dug through his dresser looking for the largest clothes he had lying around. He hurried down and placed them all on the counter. After taking a couple deep breaths, he calmly walked back into the living room. Adam was still sitting up but huddled with the blanket pulled up to his chin.
“Hey,” Kris said softly. “The bathroom is around the corner here,” he pointed down the hall. “Second door on the left. Go ahead and, well, you know. I’m going to the kitchen and will get coffee and some food ready okay?” He turned to head out again and stopped. “Um, you’re a little bigger than me, so I don’t know if the clothes I laid out will fit, so I’m apologizing in advance for that.”
He continued to the kitchen, not waiting or expecting a response from Adam. As he predicted, he heard “Oh, fuck me. What’d I do?”
Adam groaned and sunk into the couch after Kris left the room. He scoped out the room again, hoping to find an easy exit. And, naturally, he failed because his head was pounding and he couldn’t focus. He sniffed. A strange smell filling his nostrils. He pushed the blanket off and he realized the weird smell was coming from him.
Sighing, he got up gingerly and made his way to the bathroom. He avoided looking into the mirror as he stripped out of his clothes. He left them in a muddled pool by the sink and let the scalding hot water wash the alcohol and other smells off him. He tried to think of an excuse to give Kris, but none came. So instead he focused on clearing his head and cleaning up.
He walked out of the bathroom feeling marginally better. He found a trash liner under the sink and stuffed his clothes in them. The t-shirt was tight across his chest and arms, the sweat rode low on his hips and were a few inches short, but they were clean. He was clean and didn’t have to smell himself anymore. Drops of water from his hair spotted the shirt, creating dark blue dots that would make Georges Seurat green with envy.
He followed the smell of coffee and bacon until he found the brightly lit kitchen. Kris stood at the large granite island putting together a couple of plates. He looked up as Adam shuffled in.
“You feeling any better?” he asked, concern showing on his face.
Adam looked everywhere except at Kris. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Uh, yeah. A lot, thanks.”
“Coffee?”
“Ohmygawdyes.”
Kris chuckled, “Thought so. Black with a little bit of sugar, right?”
Adam stopped in his tracks, “Uh, yeah. How’d you…”
“I’m not that big of a douchebag. I did pay attention during the dinner.”
“Oh, yeah. That.”
“Here,” he said, handing off the mug to Adam. “And, there’s some fruit there,” he pointed to the bowl of fresh cut melons and berries, “Or if you want something greasier to help with the post-drinking vapors, there’s toast and some bacon.”
“Um, ‘post drinking vapors?’” Adam replied, arching a brow.
Kris laughed, “Don’t know exactly what to call it, so,” he shrugged. “My mama calls it that a lot, and it kind of fits. You’re not exactly hung-over, but you still feel like shit. Just need to get the vapors out of your system, you know?”
Adam pulled out a bar stool, “I suppose.” He grabbed an empty plate and put a little bit of everything on it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kris sit on the bar stool opposite him and fill his plate. They ate in relative silence, forks clinking on plates the only noise.
“Thanks for this…and everything.”
“No problem.”
“No, really,” Adam stated softly. He reached over and grabbed Kris’s hand. “I don’t know what I was thinking or doing or…”
Kris put his fork down and turned his hand, making them palm to palm. He slid his hand up Adam’s wrist, fingers sliding up, then down lightly. He felt Adam shiver and felt the goose bumps pebbles under his fingers. Adam has his face cast down, a slight blush creeping up his neck. He grabbed tighter when Adam tried to pull his hand away.
“It’s okay. Really.”
Adam looked across island and was confused with what he saw. Kris’s face open and smiling slightly, almost nervous. They stared at each other for what felt like hours, silently communicating a new attraction, a new understanding, a new something.
**
“Come on,” Kris said. “Let’s finish the coffee outside.”
“I think it might be too bright for me.”
Kris laughed, guiding him through the door “There’s shade. You won’t melt.”
Adam hitched a breath as Kris’s hand caught the strip of skin on his back between the waistband of the sweats and the bottom of the t-shirt. Kris’s calloused fingers moved along the exposed skin, making him warm. The heat he felt had nothing to do with the morning sun as he scrambled to find a seat opposite from Kris that had the most shade covering.
Kris smirked. He knew what Adam was doing. He also felt the tingle in his fingers. His heart nearly thumped out of his chest when Adam walked into the kitchen in the morning. Now it was a matter of convincing Adam to give him another chance.
“So, how’d you find me?” he asked, lifting his legs on the chair across from him.
“Uh, Lucy gave me your address a couple weeks ago.”
Kris nodded, “Of course she did. But how’d you find it. You weren’t exactly fit to drive.”
Silence. Kris looked over. Adam was studying his coffee intently.
“Adam?”
“Yeah, so last night,” he sighed. He fell back against the patio chair and grimaced as he hit his head on iron back. “Shit.” He held up his hand, “It’s okay, just konked it a bit. Just clumsy.”
Kris had been nearly out of his seat, but settled back in. “Last night, you were saying…”
“You’ve been coming in and hiding out in the corners, watching me.” It wasn’t a question. He continued. “It was flattering at first. Then when you didn’t come over and hang out or say anything and just disappeared, it kind of got creepy. I was thinking that you were busy, I know you’re working on a new album, but after noticing, I just got a little freaked out.”
Kris flinched, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you knew I was there.”
Adam raised a shoulder, “I didn’t at first. But then I noticed Lucy or Ruben talking to someone in the corner. I don’t know. It was just weird. I finally asked Jon, one of the bouncers, and he was just ‘Oh, it’s this guy Kris Allen.’ And, I just didn’t know what to think you know? Then I started noticing you hanging out in the back during my last few shows. And then, last night, I don’t know. I just was annoyed and in a bad mood. I got your address ‘cause Lucy gave it to me when I was just kind of drunk and bitching about you. And then I got more drunk and confronting you seemed like a good idea at the time.” He was fascinated by his coffee again. “And, seeing as that I couldn’t drive,” he said dryly. “Jon drove me up here and dropped me off and well, here we are.”
Kris smiled, “And here we are.” He got up. “Do you want more coffee?”
“What? Uh, no. No thanks.”
Kris padded to the kitchen and tried to think what this all meant. Did he come by because he’s interested? Was he just freaked out? Did Adam know he was interested? Should he try and see? Would he get shot down again? He didn’t know what to do. It was killing him though. He couldn’t get him out of his mind. The heat he felt at his fingertips was proof enough for him.
Before he could head back outside, Adam came through the sliding glass door.
“I think I should head home,” he said nervously. “I’m sorry about this whole thing,” he waved his hands around. “I usually don’t do this kind of thing.”
Kris shook his head, “Don’t worry about it.” A pause, “Wait, do you even have a ride home?”
“I was going to call a cab.”
“Give me 20 minutes. I’ll give you a ride.”
“Kris, it’s okay. You’ve already been too nice to me.”
Kris felt a happy chill run down his spine. It was the first time Adam had actually said his name. Said it without rancor or out of polite pleasantries. It sounded good. He wondered what it’d sound like after a round of…
“Kris?”
“Ah, sorry” he started guiltily, “Mind wandering. No. No point in getting a cab. I have a writing session so it’s no big deal. You don’t live in the Valley or anything do you?”
“Uh, no, Culver City.”
“Perfect. Cale’s home studio is in Venice, so it’ll be on the way. Twenty okay? Have more coffee or food. Be right back.” With that he took off.
Adam sat heavily on the kitchen stool and laid his head down on the cool granite countertop. Don’t think about it. It’s because of the hangover that you’re confused he told himself firmly.
**
Kris filled the drive to Adam’s house with inane chatter. He peered over whenever they got stuck at a stoplight. Other than directions, Adam had been silent, head resting on the window.
When they reached Adam’s apartment building, Kris made note to study it to make sure he would be able to find it again. He belatedly thought that he should have input the address into his GPS system, but he wanted to engage Adam in some type of conversation. It hadn’t really worked.
Adam sat in the car unmoving. Kris turned in his seat and faced him. “You’ll probably say no and it’s fine, but I’ll ask you again. I’d like a do-over on dinner and take you out and do it right. Would you be open to it?”
Kris saw the flinch, even though he knew Adam was trying to cover it. Seeing that hurt more than he thought it would. Despite everything-the tabloids, Lucy, his friends-he really wanted to see if his gut telling him to do this-to see if Adam was what he wanted-was the right thing. He wanted to see if the nights he had laid awake thinking of Adam, hearing his voice in his head on a regular basis was just a random thing.
“You’re not going to drop this are you?” Adam asked, voice quiet. “You’ll keep asking?”
Kris shook his head, “No. Just this one last time. I’m not masochistic enough to keep asking for rejection. I do have an ego you know.”
“Can I…” he sat up and cleared his throat. He still didn’t look over at Kris. “Can I think about it? I don’t…Um, I don’t have your number, but I think with my head, I don’t want to just say yes or no.”
Kris let out a deep breath slowly, “Yeah. Just let me know. Here,” he ripped a corner from his scratch pad and jotted down his cell number. “If you’re up for it…or not…just call and we’ll go from there.”
Adam looked over and smiled. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. Kris would take it. “Thanks. I need to…uh, yeah, I’ll call you.” With that he got out of the car. Kris waited until Adam disappeared into the building. He saw him look out the door and wave. He waved back and headed to Cale’s. Might as well prepare everyone to expect him to be a pain in the ass until he got the call from Adam.
**
It had only been three days, though to Kris it felt more like three months. The days were beyond slow, like trying to walk through a vat full of molasses in the summer. The phantom vibrations from his phone set him on edge. He was debating going to Adam’s show on Friday. It would probably be too much. Though for him to suddenly not go when Adam knew he had been going…
“Ugh,” he groaned. “When did I become a 16-year-old girl?” He grabbed a beer and went outside. He flung himself into the hammock and stared into the sky as the sun started to set. The view from his backyard overlooked downtown Los Angeles, and if it was a rare clear day, all the way out to Santa Monica and the Pacific Ocean. He thought by this point in his life he’d have a wife and maybe a kid or two to share this all with. The professional part of his life had come together as planned, but the personal side had become a train wreck worthy of a Michael Bay film.
As the breeze whispered over his skin, Kris started to nod off. He dropped the beer and let the coolness of the evening and the relaxed state of his body take over. Just as he was falling asleep, his back pocket buzzed and started ringing, jolting the sleep out of his system. He scrambled in the hammock and fell halfway out of it as it flipped over, tangling half his body. He was able to pull the phone out with some effort.
“Yeah?” he answered, breathing hard.
“Oh, did I interrupt something?”
“No, no…oomph, hold on,” Kris mumbled, twisting his arm and jerking the strings of the hammock. “For fuck’s…”
“Should I call back?”
“No, I’m just a little stuck on. Ergh. Two seconds, hold on, uh, please?” he asked, yanking one last time. The webbing of the hammock came loose and set his arms free. His feet were still twisted in the holes somehow, but he’d make do. Adam called. He’d suffer a little to make sure they got to talk.
“Sorry Adam, I got a little twisted up on the hammock.”
A burst of laughter came through the phone line making Kris smile like a goon. “Seriously Kris?”
Kris laughed with him, “Yeah, it’s…never mind. So hey.”
“Hey.”
“What’s…erm, how are you?” Kris could hear Adam trying to control his laughter.
“I said…oh my god, the visual. Sorry I’m still laughing,” Adam apologized, clearly not sorry for laughing.
“Yeah, good thing you’re not here in person, you’d probably be peeing your pants right now,” Kris mumbled.
Another eruption of laughs echoed in Kris’s eardrums, “Holy shit Kris,” breaths of laughter, “this is not what I expected when I called.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“Aww, sorry. It’s just…Actually, I’m not sorry. It’s fucking hysterical and you know it,” Adam chuckled.
Kris tried to lean back comfortably with his feet twisted and tangled on the bottom half of the hammock. He looked down and saw the ridiculous position he was in just to take the call, “Yeah, you’re right. So, to what do I owe the honor for this call?”
“Still laughing, but uh, I said I’d call, so I’m calling. And, I thought about, you know. I wanted to think about some stuff and well, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Um, why exactly?” he asked, obviously puzzled. “I mean, I get that the auction dinner was um…”
Kris interrupted, “Awkward? Strained? Uncomfortable? I was an asshole? I was rude?”
Adam giggled, “Well, yeah, all of the above. I get that, but I mean, it was something you had to do, not something you wanted to do, I understand that. But I mean, you shouldn’t feel like you have to make it up to me. You shouldn’t feel like…”
“First off, I want to make it up to you. I’m really not that big of a douchebag. And, even though the auction dinner was something I had to do at the time, I shouldn’t have acted that way. I was just having a rough day, got some bad news that morning and I just couldn’t focus. I know it’s no excuse, but my ex-wife called in a panic because her dad had a heart-attack. I couldn’t fly out that night, she was calling or texting every ten minutes and it just put me in a mood…”
“I’m sorry Kris. You could have just…”
Kris laughed, “Actually, no, I couldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t have been able to fly out anyway. And, it was just shitty of the ex to put me in that spot, which made my mood worse, and I just didn’t know how to deal. I’m just sorry I took it out on you.”
“Anyway,” he continued. “Secondly, I don’t feel like I have to make it up to you. It’s something I want to do…or rather, it’s something I would like to do if you would let me.”
“No, it explains a lot. You didn’t have to tell me. But thank you for that,” Adam stated softly. “But, still, I guess I’m still trying to figure out the why on your end. That’s what I’m having a problem with,” Adam groused. “I get that there’s a weird six degrees thing with us knowing some of the same people and all that. But that’s no reason for you to feel like you have to do this. There’re no hard feelings on my part, you know? Definitely not now after you explained everything. Just know it won’t be weird when we run into each other here and there.”
Kris bit the inside of his cheek and the edge of his lip. “Okay, here’s the thing,” Kris exhaled. “Hear me out, okay? Yes, I was a jerk that night and I want to make it up to you. No, I most likely wouldn’t be doing this if it was any other fan or auction winner. I might, only because I was so rude. I probably would have done it sooner than later. But honestly that’s not the only reason. The main reason is that I want to see if maybe we would be able to get along when I was being myself, not the person you read about in tabloids or see on television or hear on the radio. And if we had a good time-both of us-then I want to see if you’d go out with me again after that, like on a real date and see where things go from there…” he trailed off.
He waited a few heartbeats for a reaction. Silence.
“Hello?”
“Wow,” came the reply. “I…uh, wow.”
Kris made a face at himself. Great. Way to scare off someone. He squeezed the spot between his eyes. “You wouldn’t happen to think you’d forget I blurted all that out would you?”
That apparently broke the uncomfortable air that descended upon them. Adam laughed, “Not on your life.”
“Sooooo,” Adam said in a teasing manner. “This make-up auction dinner would actually be a vetting date to see if there’d be even more dates, huh?”
“Yeah,” Kris replied sheepishly. “And your reply to my offer would be?”
“Well, considering you kind of put it all out there and have been pretty much stalking me for weeks, which would pretty much frighten the average person...”
“I was not stalking!” Kris huffed.
Adam continued nonplussed, “But, since I’m weirdly flattered by it. Sure, why not?”
“I was just watching you…wait what?”
“I said yes.”
“Oh.”
**
They finally managed to find a day and time where they were both available. Kris had his assistant Julie make the reservations for the restaurant and car. Both he and Adam agreed not to tell anyone about it, just go and enjoy the evening. And even if Kris had a publicist, he wouldn’t tell that person either. He just wanted the benefit of having a good night out without any outside pressures.
He stood in front of the mirror debating if the outfit he finally decided on was too much or too little. Jeans, t-shirt and dark jacket, it should work. He smirked at his own image, no matter what he wore it would be too little compared to what Adam would possibly wear. He definitely had a flair for the dramatic. Not that it was a bad thing, but normally it wasn’t the style Kris went for or was attracted to. But there was something about him…
Kris’s attention snapped at the sound of his phone. The car was downstairs. Checking his appearance one last time, he grabbed the phone, his key, patted his back pocket for a wallet and left the house.
He was strangely nervous as the car made its way down Adam’s street. Nothing like the deadness he was feeling the night of the auction dinner. Anticipation was creating pterodactyl sized butterflies in his stomach. He grabbed his thigh to keep it from jittering. It’s only dinner. It’s only dinner…. he chanted to himself in his head.
When the car stopped in front of the building, he jumped out before the chauffer could open the door. He took a deep breath and headed to the lobby. The elevator doors opened with a nasally ding and out walked Adam.
He, too, was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but unlike Kris, he had on some cool necklaces and a vest.
“Uh, I was about to head up to get you.”
Adam tried to play it cool. He smiled, “I figured it’d be easier to wait down in the lobby, but here you are.”
Kris smiled back and pointed his head to the door, “Well, here I am. Let’s go.”
Adam was overly nervous about tonight. He didn’t think anything bad would happen, but it was a date. A full-on, legitimate date. With Kris Allen. The singer he had a monstrous celebrity crush on before he had even met the man in person. The man who he still had a mortifying crush on even after the awkwardness of the party and the disastrous auction date. He had spent all afternoon trying on various outfits, not knowing where they were going. He finally settled on sort of casual, but dressy enough.
He knew he should have told someone about it, but what if it turned out to be as bad as the first time they had met? Of course he had a crush and it was fairly harmless. But what if it turned into something more? What if they started dating for real? What if? And now? He was walking out of his building and into a town car with Kris Allen. He was ready to pass out.
They reached the car and the driver stood to pull the door open. Kris motioned for Adam to go in first. Adam didn’t know what to say. He had thought about various topics and questions he could bring up and ask, but now in the small confined space, his mind went completely blank. He looked nervously over at Kris, sitting next to him the picture of calm, cool and collected while he desperately kept himself from shaking from nerves. He glanced at Kris then out the window as the car went down Overland and drove passed Sony Studios on Culver.
Kris interrupted his thoughts, “I hope you don’t mind us staying in your neighborhood. There’s a ton of amazing restaurants there now and it’s close…”
Adam shook his head, “No, not at all. I haven’t been to a lot of them, but yeah, I’ve heard good things.”
“Uh, the place we’re going is Fraiche? A French/Italian place. And we can hit a bar or something afterwards, hence the car,” Kris laughed nervously. “I would have driven, but just in case, you know?”
Huh Adam thought, he’s nervous too. Armed with that bit of information, Adam let himself relax a little. He was oddly happy that Kris was just as nervous as he was. Yes, they had talked on the phone since setting up this dinner, but it had been a good three weeks before they could align their schedules. Conversations over the phone were so much easier than this.
“Oh, I’ve heard of it!” Adam exclaimed. “Wanted to go, so this is great!”
Kris laughed, “Good. Good. Oh, here we are. Ready?”
Adam nodded, “Yeah.”
The hostess led them to a quiet corner in the back, nodding discreetly. Adam tried not to let the curious stares from the diners get him even more nervous. He saw slivers of recognition in their eyes, but it wasn’t overall bad.
Once they sat for dinner, the nerves disappeared. They spoke like it was a normal night, as if tonight wasn’t a big deal. Laughing, joking.
Kris was saying…“Yeah, it was a little weird, these so-called fans so following me around from city to city, mostly to talk to me about my ex-wife, you know?”
Adam shook his head, “I can’t even imagine.”
“I didn’t even realize she had fans like that. I mean, I knew she conversed with some people over Twitter and some forums and communities and all that, but after the divorce,” Kris shrugged. “I mean, it was bizarre.”
“Were they threatening or anything?” Adam asked.
Kris shook his head, “For the most part no, fairly harmless. But I still can’t get over the fact that they would travel around after me and then want to know about something that’s pretty private. I mean, I am in touch with her, but after the last couple years of my, uh, tabloid life, you’d think they’d be over it.”
Adam laughed, “I guess it’s nice to have fans?”
Kris laughed, “Yeah, I guess.”
Kris reached over to touch Adam’s fingers, “That night, I didn’t mean to be a jackass. It’s just that…”
Adam’s fingers curled naturally over Kris’s, “You don’t have to explain.”
“I just want things out in the open. I want you to know that it wasn’t you. The ex called that afternoon and was freaking out. I couldn’t blow her off. I should have canceled or rescheduled or something, but I…my brain wasn’t functioning, I was tired. It’s not an excuse, but…I just wanted you to know. It wasn’t you or because I didn’t want to do it.”
Adam nodded, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
Adam smiled and shrugged, “I’m over it. You’re making it up to me. It’s okay.”
Kris smiled back and squeezed his fingers, “Okay.”
Kris signaled for the check. As they walked out and passed front station, Adam noticed Kris slipping something to the hostess.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“Just a little additional thank you for the table and as you can see, no paparazzi around,” Kris replied as he extended his arm out to sweep the air and point to the busy street. “Usually hostesses or waiters call the paps if there’s someone fairly recognizable in the restaurant.” He paused and looked embarrassed, “Not that I mean…”
Adam laughed, “No I understand. That’s nice of you.”
Kris shrugged, “You live, you learn. Did you want to grab a drink or…”
Adam stopped. They were approaching the car, “I-well, I have a meeting in the morning actually,” he looked to the ground and rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “It’s not that I don’t want to, and…and I would, but I usually don’t have morning meetings, and this is kind of important, and I…shit.”
“Let’s get you home and rested then,” Kris said. He put his hand up onto Adam’s shoulder and walked them to the car.
As the car headed back to Adam’s apartment, Kris turned to him. “So morning meeting huh?”
He nodded, “Yeah, something Lucy set up. I’m not really a morning person, but this might be big, so…”
Kris smiled, “Don’t worry about it. You can make it up to me another time.”
Adam huffed out a laugh, “Really now.”
Kris made a face, “Well naturally. If it’s a Lucy meeting, then you have to be ready for just about anything. And no, I’m not going to ask about it and jinx it for you. You can tell me how it went on Saturday.”
Adam raised a brow. Kris laughed in response, “That is, if you’re free and would like to go out with me again.”
Quiet filled the car as a million things went flying through Adam’s head. He wants to go out with me again? He’s so cute I want to jump him. Why is he asking me out again? Would it be weird to touch his lower lip? Does he like like me or is it just because… Kris’s hand on his thigh stopped all thoughts. He felt the squeeze of his warm hand and was jolted back. His leg tightened at the warmth that rushed through his body. He was grateful for the dark interior because he knew he was now pink.
“You with me Adam?”
Shaking his head, he nodded, “Uh, yeah. Sorry. I just kind of zoned out didn’t I?” He put his hand on top of Kris’s and traced his knuckles. He smiled to himself when he felt the minor shiver from Kris.
The car stopped and Adam looked out. His apartment building. The driver came around to open the door. Kris stepped out first and said something and the driver nodded.
“I’ll walk you up.”
Adam blushed again, “You don’t have…”
Kris grabbed Adam’s hand, “I know I don’t have to, I want to. Come on.”
They walked into the lobby and stood there, looking at each other and everywhere else but each other.
“You never…” “I had fun…”
“Sorry, you first,” Kris laughed.
“I…oh fuck it,” he trailed off. He closed the space between them, cupped Kris’s face and kissed him. A closed-mouth kiss to just feel the bottom lip he had tried not to stare at all night. His lips feathered along Kris’s, feeling the softness. Kris reached out and yanked Adam closer by pulling on is belt loops. The kiss deepened as they walked until Kris’s back hit the elevator door.
Adam ran his hands through Kris’s hair and brought his head in tighter, harder, the want and need to have him closer running rampant through his body. Their heads moved, lips clashed as the sweet first kiss got decimated into an unbridled and wild mating of mouths, tongues and breath.
The ding of the elevator shocked them into jumping apart. Breathing hard, they separated to the opposite ends of the walls.
“I’ll see you Saturday then,” Kris breathed.
Adam got into the elevator. He looked at Kris, hair disheveled from his hands, lips glossy from saliva and red from their kiss.
As the doors closed, he replied numbly, “Saturday.”
**
They didn’t talk the rest of the week. All Adam knew was that he would have to cancel Saturday. He thought he had the night off, but Ruben had been booking him more since the LA Weekly story came out weeks ago. The club was packed and Ruben was happy.
He was even instrumental in the meeting with the independent record label. Between Lucy, Ruben and Monte, he felt like he was in good hands.
He picked up the phone and started to type in his text. He erased everything and stared at his cell phone. No, he should call him in person. When he got voicemail, he rushed through his message, hoping Kris would understand.
“Kris, hi, it’s Adam. Um, about Saturday. I thought I had the night off this week, but Ruben booked me at the last minute, and I hate to do this, but I have to cancel. Do you think we can do it another time? Lucy says that you’ve been in the studio a lot lately, and I don’t want to mess up your schedule if you’re busy and everything…”
The phone beeped signaling another call... “Oh, hey it’s you, uh, ignore this voicemail then I guess?”
He switched lines, “Uh, hi. I was just leaving you a voicemail.”
Kris’s laughter filled the line, “Don’t worry about it. Just missed your call by a second, so I figured I’d call you back. What’s up?”
“So, I hate to do this, but I have to cancel Saturday. But, it’s not like we had anything really planned, right?”
“True,” he replied, dragging out the word.
Adam rushed, pretty much repeating what he said on the voicemail, “Well, I just got a call from Ruben, and he booked me for Saturday night, and I really want to perform, but then I want to see you too, but since it was kind of open, I was hoping we could rain-check it?”
“Hmmm,” was the only response.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m thinking up a plan,” Kris retorted.
“Okay, how’s this?” he paused and Adam heard Kris muffle the phone and tell the people he was with to give him a few minutes. “Sorry, in the studio. Okay, so how about this. Are you singing at the same time on Saturday?”
“Yeah.”
“Then how about we have an early dinner, and we’ll go to the club together. Then afterwards we can hang out, grab a drink or whatever.”
“You don’t have to…”
“Adam,” Kris sighed. “I know I don’t have to, I want to. I’ll come pick you up. And, I’ll even sit there through your sets and not lurk in the shadows.”
Adam laughed, “You’re going to be seen in public stalking me?”
“Hell, why not,” Kris shrugged. “Plus, I think it’ll be fun.”
“Are you sure?”
Adam heard commotion in the background again, “Yes I’m sure. Hey, I gotta go. I’ll pick you up at five okay?”
“Okay. I’ll see you on Saturday then.”
“Yes you will,” Kris replied, voice laced with promise.
Adam collapsed on his bed. “Fuck me.”
**
Adam paced nervously in his apartment. Monte glanced at him and went back to strumming his guitar. When Adam passed and knocked into his foot, he snapped, “Would you stop fucking pacing around? You’re wearing a path into the shitty carpet and you’re driving me insane.”
Adam flounced onto the couch next to him, “I’m nervous, okay?”
Monte put the guitar down carefully, “Why? You’re going to kick ass with the new songs tomorrow night. Rehearsal was great, I think we’ll be tight by tomorrow. The meeting with the label went well. Things are coming together.”
“No, not that,” Adam said waving his hand. “Not that. Just this thing with Kris.”
Monte sat up and his eyes bulged, “What thing with Kris. Who Kris? Kris Allen? That Kris?”
Adam threw his arm across his eyes, “Yes. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Wait, what? What could be going on?” Monte eyed Adam and crossed his arms. “Spill.”
Adam sighed, “Long version or short version?”
“Any version. I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me!”
“I didn’t mean to, it was just weird, you know?” Adam said, uncertainty making his voice waver. “It happened so fast.”
“Tell the story,” Monte growled. “From the beginning. After the whole tabloid mess and after Lucy dumped his ass.”
Adam curled into the opposite corner of the couch and didn’t look at Monte. He closed his eyes and thought back, “Well, it turns out after that tabloid mess and the Lucy thing, he started coming to my gigs. I guess he stood in the back and then slipped out as soon as I was done. I never saw him. But, then at Lucy’s party…”
“That weekend I was out of town right, that whatever you want to celebrate thing?” Monte interrupted.
“Yeah. So, I ran into him there, which I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised about, since they’re still friends and all. We sang together that night. It was pretty amazing,” he said with awe. “I sang with fucking Kris Allen, you know?”
Adam felt Monte nod and continued, “But then I don’t know. Something happened. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was strange. Not in a bad way, just…I don’t know. There was something.”
“A connection?” Monte prompted.
Adam sat up excitedly, “Yes! A connection! Some sort of understanding or bond or some shit that appeared out of nowhere!”
“Mmm-hmmmm” was the only reply came back.
“What?” Adam huffed.
Monte waved his hand, “Nothing. Go on.”
Adam flopped back onto the arm of the couch, “Well. We had this moment, and we got separated with people leaving and cleaning up. Then, as I was leaving, Kris was there, right? I’m not really sure what happened, but he kissed me.”
He peeked over at Monte, who sat unmoving and stone-faced. Not waiting for a reaction, Adam continued, “It was, I don’t even know. I was confused. Then, um, a few weeks later, I find out that he’s been coming to the club and watching me sing. I never saw him, but after that I made it a point to look for him to see if it was true. I saw finally saw him, just lurking in the shadows. It was weird and flattering and I don’t know. But that night, I sorta was drinking and venting to Lucy who then, in her usual way just gave me his address and told me to go ask him in person about it. And, naturally, I got even drunker that night and went to his house and yeah. And next thing I know, I went out to dinner with him on Sunday and we kissed again and…we’regoingoutagaintomorrowandhe’llbeattheshow.” He finished quickly.
Monte finally moved. He stood up and took over the pacing. He scrubbed his face and sat back down. “Okay. Really Adam?”
Adam looked down at his fingers and shrugged.
“What are you doing?”
“Not sure,” he said. He leaned his head back into the corner of the couch. “I like him Monte. It’s easy being with him and talking and just…” he trailed off. He threw his hands up. “I know he’s famous and all that, but it just doesn’t feel like it. He seems like a normal guy.”
“You’re not gonna like this, but someone has to say it,” Monte said gruffly. Adam closed his eyes and braced himself for the worst. “He’s been fucking around since his divorce. He gets famous and all of a sudden he’s running around with men and women, wreaking havoc everywhere. I think he’s confused as to what he is and who he is. Why are you letting yourself be caught up in this game? Because he’s obviously still fucking around with whoever he can and getting a kick out of it…No, let me finish. I think the fact that your celebrity crush is flirting with you is clouding your judgment. He’s totally your type, but add to that you’ve had a crush on him for, like, forever. I think you’re letting him use you.”
Adam’s eyes flashed with anger. He shot off the couch, “No. He’s not.” He walked in front of Monte and stood over him. Irritation flooded his body and face, “It’s not like that. He wouldn’t do that.”
Monte stood and faced him, “He could and he would. I’m just telling you to go in with both eyes open and to be careful.”
Frustrated Adam tore himself away and started pacing again, “What are you doing to me? This is why I didn’t want to say anything! Now I’m going to have all these questions in the back of my head and be nervous and annoyed and not myself. It feels right, dammit! I like him-a lot. And he likes me. It…he…Fuck. He’s a good guy.”
Monte grabbed his arm as he passed. He gripped it harder when Adam tried to yank out of his grasp, “Listen. I love you. You mean the world to Lisa and me. I just want you to be careful, that’s all. I’m just telling you to watch out, just a little. Give your heart a little protection is all. I don’t want to see you heartbroken again. I don’t think you can handle a giant heartbreak again.”
Adam stiffened, “I won’t break. It’s different this time.” He shrugged out of Monte’s grasp. “He’s different Monte. I feel different. Despite the bad start, it’s going well.”
Monte huffed, “Yeah, we’ll see.” He leaned over to grab his guitar. “You’re too good for him you know.” He carefully placed the guitar in its case, back to Adam. “He doesn’t deserve you and your kindness.”
“He’s a good man, Monte. He’s been nothing but sweet and caring. He’s acted shitty before, but it’s done. He does deserve me. And I deserve him.”
Monte stood and strapped the guitar case over his shoulder. He walked to Adam and cupped his face, “You are too good for him. He needs to know that and if, if this is what you’re saying and he feels the same connection, he needs to learn to appreciate it.” He kissed Adam on the cheek. “See you tomorrow night.”
“I’m not too good for him. I think we’re the best of too good for each other.”
**
PART III
Title: Symphonies of Blinding Light (lyric taken from the Linkin Park song “The Catalyst”)
Word Count: 24,500-ish
Type: Angst/Romance
Rated: R
**
Three Months Later
Lucy spied him in the shadows. They had talked regularly the last few weeks, with him holing up in the studio and not venturing out socially at all. Lucy had insisted he lay low, and he took her advice. Instead of heading out, he had get-togethers at home with his closest friends. Kris still hadn’t hired a new publicist.
“Why are you lurking like you don’t want to be seen?” she nudged Kris’s shoulder and handed him a bottle of water.
“Cuz I don’t want to be seen,” he mumbled. He lifted the water, “Thanks.”
They watched as Adam talked to a sound guy and checked the microphone.
“He’s your new project huh?” Kris asked no trace of bitterness in his voice.
Lucy shrugged, “Met him through a friend of a friend. I had some time…He’s good, no?”
“He’s amazing. I didn’t know he sang.”
Lucy glanced up at him, “Huh.”
Kris stopped in the middle of lifting the water bottle up to his lips, “What does that mean?”
“Nothing, nothing. I gotta go,” she kissed him on the cheek. “See you Sunday, yeah?”
Kris nodded. He missed something. Again. Sighing deeply, he settled into the door jam and watched Adam up on the small stage.
“Sorry about that folks,” Adam said with a small smile. “Some technical difficulties. But I think we’re all good now.”
Cheers and applause filled the small club.
“Last song of the night. This one kind of sums up my life right now, well, at least the title does,” he laughed.
His drummer clicked the sticks, five, six, seven, eight and Adam launched into a jazzy, acoustic version of “Crazy.”
Lucy was one of the first people to greet him as he got off the stage after one of the loudest ovations he had ever received. Adam was giddy with excitement. He grabbed Lucy and twirled her around, making her almost kick the people surrounding them.
“Come on, come on,” she said grabbing his hand. “Got people for you to meet.”
Adam followed her lead into the large storage room that also doubled as his dressing room.
“Adam, this is Michael Batton from LA Weekly,” she said making introductions. “Michael, Adam Lambert.”
The men shook hands and Adam indicated for him to sit. Lucy sat on the arm of the couch, “So Adam, Michael is doing a small piece on the club here, and since you’re now pretty much a part of the regular rotation, he wants to talk to you about the vibe, how you feel and all that.”
Adam nodded, “Sure thing.” He smiled.
“You’re an amazing singer Adam,” Michael noted as he placed a tape recorder on the table in front of them.
“Aww, thank you. Still trying to find my way, but I love it.”
“How is it you got the gig?”
“Well, Ruben, the owner of Luna, comes into the music shop I work at during the day, Westside Music. I guess he heard me singing while I was re-arranging some stuff. Next thing I know, he asked if I would be interested in performing on Wednesdays. And, it kind of rolled from there.”
Michael nodded, “Crazy crowd out there.”
Adam beamed, “I know. It’s nuts!”
“So eventually you got moved to regular rotation on Fridays and Saturdays. How did that move happen?”
Adam looked at Lucy and at her nod, he explained, “Uh, well, I kind of got. Um, well, kind of a funny thing…” he trailed off, not knowing how to answer despite the canned responses Lucy and he had worked on.
“Come on Michael, you know the story, let’s get a move on. Ruben will be here in a few minutes.”
Michael nodded and laughed, “Got it. Okay, so Adam…”
**
Two Months Earlier
A few days after the tabloids hit, Cassidy demanded Adam swing by his store.
“I told you I’m fine,” Adam falling into the couch.
“Whatever,” Cassidy dismissed. “I didn’t tell you to get your ass over here because of all that.”
“Then why am I here?”
Cassidy checked his watch, “You’ll meet her again in a few minutes.”
“Her?” he asked and raised an eyebrow. “Again?”
“It’s not what you think,” he replied laughing. “She’s a friend and I think she’ll be able to help you out. You met her a long, long time ago, so I don’t know if you’ll remember her. But this will be good.”
“Help me out with what? I don’t need help.”
Cassidy loomed over Adam, hands bracing the back of the couch. “Trust me.”
Adam vaguely remembered meeting Lucy before at one of Cassidy’s parties. She was a no-nonsense, no-bullshit kind of gal. Petite, but definitely a force to be reckoned with. Plus, she had killer shoes. What wasn’t there to like?
After the meeting with Lucy at Cassidy’s office, Adam left having a new friend and a publicist to help him wade through the tabloids. Despite the fact that Hollywood’s rising starlet had been busted for drugs and a teen singing sensation was brought-up DUI charges, something about the Kris Allen charity debacle was keeping them going. Lucy told Adam to keep doing what he was doing-ignoring them. He gave her the shortened version of what happened that night.
“I don’t know, he seemed distracted, not all there,” he tried to explain.
“And you didn’t speak with anyone about it?”
“Other than Cassidy and a couple other friends?” he shook his head. “No, not really. I know they wouldn’t have said anything. Plus, I mean, what was there to talk about? It was a dinner. It wasn’t like he was obligated to entertain me or anything you know?”
Lucy sighed, “He could have been nice about it and less of a dickwad.”
Adam laughed, “It’s okay. It was just weird. I felt kind of bad to be honest. It was like the worst blind date ever.” Adam blushed, then continued. “Uh, he kind of disappeared after that though, right? Haven’t really seen him out and about and TMZ can’t get anything from him. I mean, they’re asking me if I know what’s going on with him for fuck’s sake.”
She shrugged, “Eh, don’t worry about it. He’s fine. Now you, this is what I think…”
They chatted all afternoon, comparing everything from designers to make-up to books and movies. But that wasn’t the best part. The best part? She had a shit-load of media contacts and she was bringing them in little by little to hear him sing. Oh, and her doing this as a favor? Didn’t hurt one bit.
Adam’s life got busier by a few more degrees after the tabloids hit. They were following him around, but he kept ignoring them. What else could he say? Westside Music had more customers and Monte was busier than ever with new students lined up for guitar lessons. Ruben was beaming like a mad man because Luna Park was filled to capacity every night it was open.
**
Adam was on his way to the get-together at Lucy’s house. The LA Weekly piece would be coming out in two weeks. Life was good.
The small street in Santa Monica was filled with a mix of children playing in the park across the street and people working on their lawns. As Adam strolled up the sidewalk, he heard the music and laughter as he approached the house. Lucy said to come directly into the backyard and sure enough, lights and streamers and random balloons and other party accessories assaulted him.
Two barbeques were set up and blowing out plumes of smoke and the smell of food. Benches, chairs and blankets were strewn haphazardly wherever there was room. A table was the makeshift bar, filled with as much alcohol as there was in Luna Park.
“Adam!” Lucy squealed. “You made it!”
“I did! But you didn’t tell me it’s a … uh, is it your birthday?”
Lucy made a face and pulled him into the backyard, “Oh fuck no. It’s my annual whatever, whenever party. Bring your leftover party crap, whatever food and alcohol you want and boom, instant party.”
“I like it!” he replied enthusiastically.
“Come on. I’ll introduce you to everyone, but most of them are a little drunk already, so don’t be offended if they don’t remember you later.”
**
Kris sat in the car and debated with himself whether to go in or not. He was already late. Sitting here a few more minutes to decide wasn’t going to change that fact.
His phone beeped with a text message alert, making him jump. He pulled it away from the charger.
Where the fuck r u? You’re late asshole. Show up or pay l8r
He threw his head back against the car seat. Well, that answered that question. He killed the engine and reached over to grab the two bottles of wine he bought on the way.
Instead of going directly to the backyard, Kris went to the front door and opened. He’d rather deal with the crowd slowly and painlessly instead of having the surge of people on him at once. He was walking through the hallway towards the kitchen and backyard. His phone buzzed again, so he shifted the bottles to under one arm to grab the phone from his back pocket and swiftly ran into a body coming around the corner.
“Oh shit! Sorry, sorry,” the voice said, hands out to steady Kris.
“No, it’s okay, I should have…” Kris voice trailed off as he saw who he had just into.
Adam and Kris stared at each other, eyes wide, suddenly at a loss for words.
Adam released his grip on Kris as if touched by a hot brand, “Uh, hi. Sorry. I was just…” he quickly ran back into the kitchen. Kris watched as he fumbled with the screen door to go back outside.
“Kris, you goddamnnogoodmotherfucker,” Lucy yelled from the hallway. “You’re late and already scaring off my guests.”
Kris thrust the wine bottles at her. “Here. I-, I, uh, I need to go.”
Lucy seized the bottles and Kris and marched him into the kitchen, “Like hell you’re going anyway. You were late and now that you’re here, you’re going to eat, mingle and pretend you’re having fun. I don’t give a shit if you’re not.”
Wine bottled gripped in each fist, she used them to push Kris’s back and move him forward. After setting the bottles down on the counter, she clutched his elbow and whispered furiously, “Smile and make nice.”
Kris couldn’t help but chuckle. He captured her free hand and placed a chaste kiss to her knuckles, “You are just insane.”
She leaned her head onto his shoulder, “I love you too sweetie.”
She led them outside as the sun was setting. Lights that were strung up around the yard clicked on creating a sparkly retreat, everything from Christmas greens and reds to red peppers and pumpkin faces lit up the backyard. Someone went around to light the tiki torches, flames bursting high before settling into dim supplements to the string lights.
He tensed up as he saw where she was leading him.
She squeezed his arms tighter, “Don’t you say a word. You will be nice.”
“Hey guys,” Lucy said with fake enthusiasm. “This is my good friend Kris. He’s fragile right now so be nice. I’m going to get us a drink, okay?” She left him standing with a group of strangers, well, everyone but Adam.
Kris put one hand in the pocket of his jean and the other reached behind him to rub at the back of his neck nervously, “Uh, hi.” They all replied in kind with courteous “how are yous” and “nice to meet yous.” He looked back to see where Lucy was with his drink. He really, really wanted a drink.
“Did you want me to get you a drink or something?”
Kris turned to the voice. It was Adam.
“Ah, yeah, no, it’s okay. Lucy’ll be here in a minute.” Adam nodded and turned back to his conversation.
Kris stood awkwardly until Cassidy came up to him, “Hey Kris.”
Kris smiled, “Hi. Cassidy right?” Cringing inwardly when he saw Cassidy’s face slightly shocked at the fact he remembered.
“Yeah, good to see you again man.”
“Good to see you too. Are you here with Adam?”
Cassidy nodded, “Uh, yeah. And, I got to know Lucy after she started working with Adam…” He looked away uncomfortably.
Kris shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. I needed the tough love, and I’m glad Lucy’s working with Adam. She’ll be able to help him out a lot. He’s amazing.”
“Uh, listen,” Kris started to say.
“Hey look, two of my favorite boys chatting it up,” Lucy interrupted. “So much pretty, yet so much gay. Story of my life. Here,” she said, shoving a water bottle in Kris’s hand.
“Lucy,” Kris squirmed.
“What?” she said brushing off his censorious tone. “So, who’s singing tonight? Sun is down, the pit is about to be lit.”
Cassidy yanked Adam from his conversation. “I think Adam and Kris should.”
“Kris and I should what?” Adam asked.
“Great idea!” Lucy squealed. She grabbed both men by the arms and dragged them to the chairs being set up next to the fire pit. “Think about what you’ll be singing. Kris I’ll go grab your guitar from the house.”
“But…” Kris tried to protest.
“Be nice boys!” she waved and rushed back through the yard.
“So,” Adam said.
“Well,” Kris said at the same time.
They laughed nervously at each other.
“This is a little awkward huh?” Adam asked.
“You’d think I’d be used to this by now with Lucy,” Kris replied. He cleared his throat and looked over at Adam, “Um, listen, that night…”
Adam started shaking his head, “No, don’t worry about it.”
“Please let me finish?” he insisted. “I was a complete dick that night. I, I had some bad news and I…I’ve been having some personal issues that I’ve been dealing with. I’m generally not such an asshole, but that night was…even for me it was.”
Adam smiled tightly, “It’s okay. I understand.”
Kris shook his head, “No, it’s not okay. I want to make it up to you?”
Adam crooked his head and looked apologetic, “I’m kind of busy lately…”
“Okay boys. Have you picked out a song? What are you going to do to entertain me…er, us?” Lucy asked jumping in the middle of them.
Kris grabbed the guitar, “Uh, how about the Gnarls Barkley song? You know that, right?”
Adam nodded slowly, obviously stunned Kris would know that he knew and sang that. “Sure…” he said dragging out the word.
“Great, let’s start from there and see where the mood takes us then.”
**
“It’s not working Lucy,” Cassidy said sleepily, head on her lap.
“It will, trust me,” she replied and started to comb her fingers through his hair. “Besides, did you not see them together? They’re perfect for each other. So different, yet so similar. There’s magic there.”
Cassidy snorted, “Magic only you can see apparently.”
She smacked his stomach, “Shush. I’m just pushing them along.”
“Is that why you stopped working with Kris and started helping Adam? Or was it guilt?”
She paused and idly scratched his head, “A little of both I guess. Kris needed a wake-up call, and Adam…he’s just too talented and too adorable to just be stuck playing in these clubs for the rest of his life.”
“And if you happen to put your two pet projects together…”
“And magic happens?” she burst out laughing. “Then I will be the biggest, baddest, most awesomest fairy godmother you will have the pleasure of knowing.”
Cassidy turned on his side, “You kill me.”
“Fuckers better invite me to their wedding.”
**
“How did you know about Crazy and that I’d be able to do it acoustically?” Adam asked as they walked around picking up empty bottles in the yard.
Kris and Adam stayed back to help the last of the revelers clean up. After the last of the impromptu five-song set, their audience left, then shouted “no more acoustic crap! We want to dance!” and blasted the speaker system.
Kris didn’t look at Adam. He bent down to pick up another bottle. “I saw your gig a few weeks ago,” he said softly.
Adam almost missed the words as he stared at Kris’s ass in the tight jeans. “Uh, oh, you did?”
“You’re really amazing.”
Adam blushed, “Thanks.”
“I remember you saying you had gigs, but didn’t realize you meant singing.”
“Oh, yeah. That.” Adam continued to toss bottles into his bag. “Um, how did you know and find out?”
“Lucy’s been working on a mysterious project, and it turned out to be you. So I sort of asked around.”
“Oh.”
Kris moved closer to him. “I’m serious, you know. About my offer for a dinner re-do? I really want to make it up to you somehow. Are you up for a do-over?”
Adam eyed him suspiciously, “Is Lucy making you do this? I mean, I’ve been working with the woman and she’s fantastic and energetic and has fabulous shoes, but she is scary and intimidating. But I don’t want you to feel like…”
Kris silenced his chatter by putting two fingers to his lips, “No. She didn’t say anything. It’s something I want to do.”
Adam felt the heat of those two fingers course through his body. He saw Kris’s eyes widen and lips draw apart. Kris snatched his hand back and grabbed two crushed plastic cups from the table.
They moved away from each other and worked with the others to clean up the yard. Adam hauled his filled trash bag to sit with the others. He headed straight into the kitchen without looking around for Kris. After he washed his hands, he walked over to where Lucy and Cassidy were sprawled out on the couch. He bent over and kissed them both on the cheek. “Thanks for tonight. I’m heading out.”
Cassidy mumbled his goodbye and Lucy drowsily looked up at him, “Sweetie. Thanks for coming and helping to clean up. Drive home safe, okay?”
“Goodnight guys.”
Adam pilfered through the chair in the foyer where everyone had dumped their jackets upon entering. It was spring time in California, which meant it could still be downright chilly in the evenings. There was still a mess of jackets considering most everyone had left. Finally finding his blazer, he opened the door.
And ran into Kris. Again.
“Crap. Sorry.” Adam apologized.
Kris held out his arm, “Sorry, I didn’t … oh. We have to stop running into each other like this.”
Adam smiled at the cheesy line.
“Did you need to come back in?” Adam asked, moving aside.
Kris stayed rooted at the door, “Actually, I came back to find you.”
Adam searched Kris’s eyes. The overhead lights shining brightly down on them, highlighting the golden specs in the soft brown. His dark brown hair tousled from his hands running through them all night. Kris looked determined and utterly kissable. Adam remembered the guitar-callused fingers on his lips and shuddered.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Adam said softly. He looked away from Kris and tried to move past him through the front door.
Kris let him go, and as soon as he was over the threshold, clasped his arm. Kris quickly shut the door solidly behind them. Momentum from Kris’s grasp swayed Adam’s back into the corner of the closed door. Kris edged up into his body, closing the distance between them. He moved his hand from Adam’s upper arm to his waist, hand firmly holding on.
Kris’s lips came crashing onto his, body heat pressing through clothes, hand gripped tight against his neck. As electricity shimmered between them, Adam dropped his jacket and instead of bringing him closer, pushed him away.
Breathing hard, he glared at Kris, “What the hell? Are you drunk?”
Kris laughed bitterly, “No, sober for 42 days and…” he checked his watch, “3 hours and 22 minutes.”
“What the fuck?”
Kris shrugged, “Felt like it.”
“Ugh,” Adam groaned and started to walk away. “You know, I used to like you. I was a big fan…one of your biggest.”
Kris caught up with him in the driveway, “Wait. What do you mean ‘used to’ and ‘was’?”
“Go away, Kris Allen,” Adam waved him off. “Just go away.”
Kris watched as Adam headed left, away from him.
**
“You kissed him? Are you insane?” Lucy shouted. “You kissed Adam? My Adam Lambert? On my doorstep?”
Kris moved the phone away from his ear. He cringed as she continued to yell. He sighed, why did I open my fat mouth and tell her?
“Put the phone back to your ear Kris Allen, I’m not done yelling.”
Kris smirked, “I’m going to hang up on you if you continue. I already know it was dumb, but he was there and I just felt” he paused, “I don’t know. I just felt something as we were singing together. I thought maybe he did too.”
Kris fell back into his couch, socked feet up on the back of it. He held the phone tight, “I. Well, shit. I don’t know.”
“Hello? Lucy?” He pulled back the phone to see if they were still connected. The seconds were still ticking and the call was still in progress.
“Yeah, I’m here,” she answered quietly.
“What?”
“You’ve finally done it Kris.”
“Done what?” he asked obviously confused.
“You’ve got me speechless.”
Kris burst out with laughter. He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the couch. He wiped away his tear and didn’t even realize she had hung up on him.
**
Kris hid out in the back shadowed corner that he had come to think of as his. Bottle of water in hand, he continued to stand and watch Adam perform. Lucy caught him a few times and muttered “crazy stalker” as she walked by. Now, she just ignored him.
As soon as Adam’s set was done, he slipped out of the club and drove home. He went immediately to his studio and started writing lyrics and plucking chords to potential melodies. He had sudden bursts of inspiration, songs that he wanted to hear with Adam’s voice. He wasn’t sure if they were necessarily his style, but knew that it would suit him one way or another.
He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. Damn. Nearly 3:00AM already. He needed to get some sleep. He turned off the lights and closed the door when he heard the knocking. Hard knocks followed by the continuous ringing of the doorbell and more knocking.
“Jesus, I’m coming. I’m coming!” he shouted.
He flipped on the patio light and opened the door. He stood in shock as Adam almost fell over him in the process of pounding on the door again. Reacting quickly, Kris grabbed his arms to keep him from falling and hauled his heavy body inside.
Kris half-dragged him over to the couch and scrunched his nose. The smell of alcohol wafted from Adam in a giant wave like hot sun on asphalt during the summer.
“What the…oof… what…Christ you’re heavy…are you doing here? Shit…oomph…are you okay?” Kris asked heaving Adam’s alcohol-induced-dead-weighted body completely onto the couch. “How did you know where I live?” he lastly asked, out of breath.
“You’re stalking meeee,” he slurred. “Hiding out in the corner then you’re not there. Then disappearing. Wanted to see if it was really you or some creeper.” He laughed loudly and nearly pulled Kris down onto him.
He looked as Adam’s booted feet hung off the arms of the couch. Shit. He pulled on them, yanking them off. The mismatched socks made him smile a little. He rounded back to where Adam’s head lay crooked on a cushion. He leaned over and poked his shoulder, “Hello?”
In response, he got a light snore and a turning of the body deeper into the couch. Kris rolled his eyes, “Fine. Be that way.” He took the plaid fleece from a sitting chair and placed it carefully over the prone body. He checked the locks on doors again and turned down the lights. He headed upstairs, but stopped. He went to the linen closet, grabbed another blanket and pillow and went back to the living room. He settled into his old recliner in the corner and went to sleep listening to the even breathing of the other man.
**
Adam woke with a start. He didn’t know what it was that woke him, but he didn’t move. Just looked up trying to recognize what he could by not budging. The ceiling, the room. He turned his head slowly, eyeing the furniture, the window that was streaming in a ray of sun that was hitting his face, the blanket.
He moved his head again and a bludgeoning pain commandeered the space behind his eyes and eyebrows, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck,” he groaned.
Suddenly a body was next to him, “You okay? Hangover hitting you huh?” A slight chuckle. Adam squinted, a fuzzy, shadowy face loomed over him. The shadowed person had a slight Southern accent, kind of like, “Oh shit.” He sat up and tried to scramble back, but the arm of the couch was holding him prisoner. Any pain his body was feeling disappeared as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on him.
Kris held his hands up, “Hey…it’s okay. It’s only me. I’m going to hand you this glass of water and a couple Tylenol, yeah?” He carefully reached over to the glass sitting on the coffee table. He kept his eyes on Adam, not breaking eye contact. He knew Adam was freaked out, no point in making it worse. He handed the water and the pills to Adam.
After seeing Adam gulp the water down and swallow the pills, Kris slowly got up from the couch. Adam’s piercing blue eyes still wide and freaked out. “I’m going to put a towel and a change of clothes in the bathroom okay? You can shower, change, freshen up, whatever. It’ll make you feel better, yeah? Don’t move, okay? When I get back, I’ll show you where to go.”
He backed out of the living room. After turning the corner, he ran up the stairs, taking steps two at a time. He fished out extra toiletries and a towel. He dug through his dresser looking for the largest clothes he had lying around. He hurried down and placed them all on the counter. After taking a couple deep breaths, he calmly walked back into the living room. Adam was still sitting up but huddled with the blanket pulled up to his chin.
“Hey,” Kris said softly. “The bathroom is around the corner here,” he pointed down the hall. “Second door on the left. Go ahead and, well, you know. I’m going to the kitchen and will get coffee and some food ready okay?” He turned to head out again and stopped. “Um, you’re a little bigger than me, so I don’t know if the clothes I laid out will fit, so I’m apologizing in advance for that.”
He continued to the kitchen, not waiting or expecting a response from Adam. As he predicted, he heard “Oh, fuck me. What’d I do?”
Adam groaned and sunk into the couch after Kris left the room. He scoped out the room again, hoping to find an easy exit. And, naturally, he failed because his head was pounding and he couldn’t focus. He sniffed. A strange smell filling his nostrils. He pushed the blanket off and he realized the weird smell was coming from him.
Sighing, he got up gingerly and made his way to the bathroom. He avoided looking into the mirror as he stripped out of his clothes. He left them in a muddled pool by the sink and let the scalding hot water wash the alcohol and other smells off him. He tried to think of an excuse to give Kris, but none came. So instead he focused on clearing his head and cleaning up.
He walked out of the bathroom feeling marginally better. He found a trash liner under the sink and stuffed his clothes in them. The t-shirt was tight across his chest and arms, the sweat rode low on his hips and were a few inches short, but they were clean. He was clean and didn’t have to smell himself anymore. Drops of water from his hair spotted the shirt, creating dark blue dots that would make Georges Seurat green with envy.
He followed the smell of coffee and bacon until he found the brightly lit kitchen. Kris stood at the large granite island putting together a couple of plates. He looked up as Adam shuffled in.
“You feeling any better?” he asked, concern showing on his face.
Adam looked everywhere except at Kris. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Uh, yeah. A lot, thanks.”
“Coffee?”
“Ohmygawdyes.”
Kris chuckled, “Thought so. Black with a little bit of sugar, right?”
Adam stopped in his tracks, “Uh, yeah. How’d you…”
“I’m not that big of a douchebag. I did pay attention during the dinner.”
“Oh, yeah. That.”
“Here,” he said, handing off the mug to Adam. “And, there’s some fruit there,” he pointed to the bowl of fresh cut melons and berries, “Or if you want something greasier to help with the post-drinking vapors, there’s toast and some bacon.”
“Um, ‘post drinking vapors?’” Adam replied, arching a brow.
Kris laughed, “Don’t know exactly what to call it, so,” he shrugged. “My mama calls it that a lot, and it kind of fits. You’re not exactly hung-over, but you still feel like shit. Just need to get the vapors out of your system, you know?”
Adam pulled out a bar stool, “I suppose.” He grabbed an empty plate and put a little bit of everything on it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kris sit on the bar stool opposite him and fill his plate. They ate in relative silence, forks clinking on plates the only noise.
“Thanks for this…and everything.”
“No problem.”
“No, really,” Adam stated softly. He reached over and grabbed Kris’s hand. “I don’t know what I was thinking or doing or…”
Kris put his fork down and turned his hand, making them palm to palm. He slid his hand up Adam’s wrist, fingers sliding up, then down lightly. He felt Adam shiver and felt the goose bumps pebbles under his fingers. Adam has his face cast down, a slight blush creeping up his neck. He grabbed tighter when Adam tried to pull his hand away.
“It’s okay. Really.”
Adam looked across island and was confused with what he saw. Kris’s face open and smiling slightly, almost nervous. They stared at each other for what felt like hours, silently communicating a new attraction, a new understanding, a new something.
**
“Come on,” Kris said. “Let’s finish the coffee outside.”
“I think it might be too bright for me.”
Kris laughed, guiding him through the door “There’s shade. You won’t melt.”
Adam hitched a breath as Kris’s hand caught the strip of skin on his back between the waistband of the sweats and the bottom of the t-shirt. Kris’s calloused fingers moved along the exposed skin, making him warm. The heat he felt had nothing to do with the morning sun as he scrambled to find a seat opposite from Kris that had the most shade covering.
Kris smirked. He knew what Adam was doing. He also felt the tingle in his fingers. His heart nearly thumped out of his chest when Adam walked into the kitchen in the morning. Now it was a matter of convincing Adam to give him another chance.
“So, how’d you find me?” he asked, lifting his legs on the chair across from him.
“Uh, Lucy gave me your address a couple weeks ago.”
Kris nodded, “Of course she did. But how’d you find it. You weren’t exactly fit to drive.”
Silence. Kris looked over. Adam was studying his coffee intently.
“Adam?”
“Yeah, so last night,” he sighed. He fell back against the patio chair and grimaced as he hit his head on iron back. “Shit.” He held up his hand, “It’s okay, just konked it a bit. Just clumsy.”
Kris had been nearly out of his seat, but settled back in. “Last night, you were saying…”
“You’ve been coming in and hiding out in the corners, watching me.” It wasn’t a question. He continued. “It was flattering at first. Then when you didn’t come over and hang out or say anything and just disappeared, it kind of got creepy. I was thinking that you were busy, I know you’re working on a new album, but after noticing, I just got a little freaked out.”
Kris flinched, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you knew I was there.”
Adam raised a shoulder, “I didn’t at first. But then I noticed Lucy or Ruben talking to someone in the corner. I don’t know. It was just weird. I finally asked Jon, one of the bouncers, and he was just ‘Oh, it’s this guy Kris Allen.’ And, I just didn’t know what to think you know? Then I started noticing you hanging out in the back during my last few shows. And then, last night, I don’t know. I just was annoyed and in a bad mood. I got your address ‘cause Lucy gave it to me when I was just kind of drunk and bitching about you. And then I got more drunk and confronting you seemed like a good idea at the time.” He was fascinated by his coffee again. “And, seeing as that I couldn’t drive,” he said dryly. “Jon drove me up here and dropped me off and well, here we are.”
Kris smiled, “And here we are.” He got up. “Do you want more coffee?”
“What? Uh, no. No thanks.”
Kris padded to the kitchen and tried to think what this all meant. Did he come by because he’s interested? Was he just freaked out? Did Adam know he was interested? Should he try and see? Would he get shot down again? He didn’t know what to do. It was killing him though. He couldn’t get him out of his mind. The heat he felt at his fingertips was proof enough for him.
Before he could head back outside, Adam came through the sliding glass door.
“I think I should head home,” he said nervously. “I’m sorry about this whole thing,” he waved his hands around. “I usually don’t do this kind of thing.”
Kris shook his head, “Don’t worry about it.” A pause, “Wait, do you even have a ride home?”
“I was going to call a cab.”
“Give me 20 minutes. I’ll give you a ride.”
“Kris, it’s okay. You’ve already been too nice to me.”
Kris felt a happy chill run down his spine. It was the first time Adam had actually said his name. Said it without rancor or out of polite pleasantries. It sounded good. He wondered what it’d sound like after a round of…
“Kris?”
“Ah, sorry” he started guiltily, “Mind wandering. No. No point in getting a cab. I have a writing session so it’s no big deal. You don’t live in the Valley or anything do you?”
“Uh, no, Culver City.”
“Perfect. Cale’s home studio is in Venice, so it’ll be on the way. Twenty okay? Have more coffee or food. Be right back.” With that he took off.
Adam sat heavily on the kitchen stool and laid his head down on the cool granite countertop. Don’t think about it. It’s because of the hangover that you’re confused he told himself firmly.
**
Kris filled the drive to Adam’s house with inane chatter. He peered over whenever they got stuck at a stoplight. Other than directions, Adam had been silent, head resting on the window.
When they reached Adam’s apartment building, Kris made note to study it to make sure he would be able to find it again. He belatedly thought that he should have input the address into his GPS system, but he wanted to engage Adam in some type of conversation. It hadn’t really worked.
Adam sat in the car unmoving. Kris turned in his seat and faced him. “You’ll probably say no and it’s fine, but I’ll ask you again. I’d like a do-over on dinner and take you out and do it right. Would you be open to it?”
Kris saw the flinch, even though he knew Adam was trying to cover it. Seeing that hurt more than he thought it would. Despite everything-the tabloids, Lucy, his friends-he really wanted to see if his gut telling him to do this-to see if Adam was what he wanted-was the right thing. He wanted to see if the nights he had laid awake thinking of Adam, hearing his voice in his head on a regular basis was just a random thing.
“You’re not going to drop this are you?” Adam asked, voice quiet. “You’ll keep asking?”
Kris shook his head, “No. Just this one last time. I’m not masochistic enough to keep asking for rejection. I do have an ego you know.”
“Can I…” he sat up and cleared his throat. He still didn’t look over at Kris. “Can I think about it? I don’t…Um, I don’t have your number, but I think with my head, I don’t want to just say yes or no.”
Kris let out a deep breath slowly, “Yeah. Just let me know. Here,” he ripped a corner from his scratch pad and jotted down his cell number. “If you’re up for it…or not…just call and we’ll go from there.”
Adam looked over and smiled. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. Kris would take it. “Thanks. I need to…uh, yeah, I’ll call you.” With that he got out of the car. Kris waited until Adam disappeared into the building. He saw him look out the door and wave. He waved back and headed to Cale’s. Might as well prepare everyone to expect him to be a pain in the ass until he got the call from Adam.
**
It had only been three days, though to Kris it felt more like three months. The days were beyond slow, like trying to walk through a vat full of molasses in the summer. The phantom vibrations from his phone set him on edge. He was debating going to Adam’s show on Friday. It would probably be too much. Though for him to suddenly not go when Adam knew he had been going…
“Ugh,” he groaned. “When did I become a 16-year-old girl?” He grabbed a beer and went outside. He flung himself into the hammock and stared into the sky as the sun started to set. The view from his backyard overlooked downtown Los Angeles, and if it was a rare clear day, all the way out to Santa Monica and the Pacific Ocean. He thought by this point in his life he’d have a wife and maybe a kid or two to share this all with. The professional part of his life had come together as planned, but the personal side had become a train wreck worthy of a Michael Bay film.
As the breeze whispered over his skin, Kris started to nod off. He dropped the beer and let the coolness of the evening and the relaxed state of his body take over. Just as he was falling asleep, his back pocket buzzed and started ringing, jolting the sleep out of his system. He scrambled in the hammock and fell halfway out of it as it flipped over, tangling half his body. He was able to pull the phone out with some effort.
“Yeah?” he answered, breathing hard.
“Oh, did I interrupt something?”
“No, no…oomph, hold on,” Kris mumbled, twisting his arm and jerking the strings of the hammock. “For fuck’s…”
“Should I call back?”
“No, I’m just a little stuck on. Ergh. Two seconds, hold on, uh, please?” he asked, yanking one last time. The webbing of the hammock came loose and set his arms free. His feet were still twisted in the holes somehow, but he’d make do. Adam called. He’d suffer a little to make sure they got to talk.
“Sorry Adam, I got a little twisted up on the hammock.”
A burst of laughter came through the phone line making Kris smile like a goon. “Seriously Kris?”
Kris laughed with him, “Yeah, it’s…never mind. So hey.”
“Hey.”
“What’s…erm, how are you?” Kris could hear Adam trying to control his laughter.
“I said…oh my god, the visual. Sorry I’m still laughing,” Adam apologized, clearly not sorry for laughing.
“Yeah, good thing you’re not here in person, you’d probably be peeing your pants right now,” Kris mumbled.
Another eruption of laughs echoed in Kris’s eardrums, “Holy shit Kris,” breaths of laughter, “this is not what I expected when I called.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“Aww, sorry. It’s just…Actually, I’m not sorry. It’s fucking hysterical and you know it,” Adam chuckled.
Kris tried to lean back comfortably with his feet twisted and tangled on the bottom half of the hammock. He looked down and saw the ridiculous position he was in just to take the call, “Yeah, you’re right. So, to what do I owe the honor for this call?”
“Still laughing, but uh, I said I’d call, so I’m calling. And, I thought about, you know. I wanted to think about some stuff and well, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Um, why exactly?” he asked, obviously puzzled. “I mean, I get that the auction dinner was um…”
Kris interrupted, “Awkward? Strained? Uncomfortable? I was an asshole? I was rude?”
Adam giggled, “Well, yeah, all of the above. I get that, but I mean, it was something you had to do, not something you wanted to do, I understand that. But I mean, you shouldn’t feel like you have to make it up to me. You shouldn’t feel like…”
“First off, I want to make it up to you. I’m really not that big of a douchebag. And, even though the auction dinner was something I had to do at the time, I shouldn’t have acted that way. I was just having a rough day, got some bad news that morning and I just couldn’t focus. I know it’s no excuse, but my ex-wife called in a panic because her dad had a heart-attack. I couldn’t fly out that night, she was calling or texting every ten minutes and it just put me in a mood…”
“I’m sorry Kris. You could have just…”
Kris laughed, “Actually, no, I couldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t have been able to fly out anyway. And, it was just shitty of the ex to put me in that spot, which made my mood worse, and I just didn’t know how to deal. I’m just sorry I took it out on you.”
“Anyway,” he continued. “Secondly, I don’t feel like I have to make it up to you. It’s something I want to do…or rather, it’s something I would like to do if you would let me.”
“No, it explains a lot. You didn’t have to tell me. But thank you for that,” Adam stated softly. “But, still, I guess I’m still trying to figure out the why on your end. That’s what I’m having a problem with,” Adam groused. “I get that there’s a weird six degrees thing with us knowing some of the same people and all that. But that’s no reason for you to feel like you have to do this. There’re no hard feelings on my part, you know? Definitely not now after you explained everything. Just know it won’t be weird when we run into each other here and there.”
Kris bit the inside of his cheek and the edge of his lip. “Okay, here’s the thing,” Kris exhaled. “Hear me out, okay? Yes, I was a jerk that night and I want to make it up to you. No, I most likely wouldn’t be doing this if it was any other fan or auction winner. I might, only because I was so rude. I probably would have done it sooner than later. But honestly that’s not the only reason. The main reason is that I want to see if maybe we would be able to get along when I was being myself, not the person you read about in tabloids or see on television or hear on the radio. And if we had a good time-both of us-then I want to see if you’d go out with me again after that, like on a real date and see where things go from there…” he trailed off.
He waited a few heartbeats for a reaction. Silence.
“Hello?”
“Wow,” came the reply. “I…uh, wow.”
Kris made a face at himself. Great. Way to scare off someone. He squeezed the spot between his eyes. “You wouldn’t happen to think you’d forget I blurted all that out would you?”
That apparently broke the uncomfortable air that descended upon them. Adam laughed, “Not on your life.”
“Sooooo,” Adam said in a teasing manner. “This make-up auction dinner would actually be a vetting date to see if there’d be even more dates, huh?”
“Yeah,” Kris replied sheepishly. “And your reply to my offer would be?”
“Well, considering you kind of put it all out there and have been pretty much stalking me for weeks, which would pretty much frighten the average person...”
“I was not stalking!” Kris huffed.
Adam continued nonplussed, “But, since I’m weirdly flattered by it. Sure, why not?”
“I was just watching you…wait what?”
“I said yes.”
“Oh.”
**
They finally managed to find a day and time where they were both available. Kris had his assistant Julie make the reservations for the restaurant and car. Both he and Adam agreed not to tell anyone about it, just go and enjoy the evening. And even if Kris had a publicist, he wouldn’t tell that person either. He just wanted the benefit of having a good night out without any outside pressures.
He stood in front of the mirror debating if the outfit he finally decided on was too much or too little. Jeans, t-shirt and dark jacket, it should work. He smirked at his own image, no matter what he wore it would be too little compared to what Adam would possibly wear. He definitely had a flair for the dramatic. Not that it was a bad thing, but normally it wasn’t the style Kris went for or was attracted to. But there was something about him…
Kris’s attention snapped at the sound of his phone. The car was downstairs. Checking his appearance one last time, he grabbed the phone, his key, patted his back pocket for a wallet and left the house.
He was strangely nervous as the car made its way down Adam’s street. Nothing like the deadness he was feeling the night of the auction dinner. Anticipation was creating pterodactyl sized butterflies in his stomach. He grabbed his thigh to keep it from jittering. It’s only dinner. It’s only dinner…. he chanted to himself in his head.
When the car stopped in front of the building, he jumped out before the chauffer could open the door. He took a deep breath and headed to the lobby. The elevator doors opened with a nasally ding and out walked Adam.
He, too, was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but unlike Kris, he had on some cool necklaces and a vest.
“Uh, I was about to head up to get you.”
Adam tried to play it cool. He smiled, “I figured it’d be easier to wait down in the lobby, but here you are.”
Kris smiled back and pointed his head to the door, “Well, here I am. Let’s go.”
Adam was overly nervous about tonight. He didn’t think anything bad would happen, but it was a date. A full-on, legitimate date. With Kris Allen. The singer he had a monstrous celebrity crush on before he had even met the man in person. The man who he still had a mortifying crush on even after the awkwardness of the party and the disastrous auction date. He had spent all afternoon trying on various outfits, not knowing where they were going. He finally settled on sort of casual, but dressy enough.
He knew he should have told someone about it, but what if it turned out to be as bad as the first time they had met? Of course he had a crush and it was fairly harmless. But what if it turned into something more? What if they started dating for real? What if? And now? He was walking out of his building and into a town car with Kris Allen. He was ready to pass out.
They reached the car and the driver stood to pull the door open. Kris motioned for Adam to go in first. Adam didn’t know what to say. He had thought about various topics and questions he could bring up and ask, but now in the small confined space, his mind went completely blank. He looked nervously over at Kris, sitting next to him the picture of calm, cool and collected while he desperately kept himself from shaking from nerves. He glanced at Kris then out the window as the car went down Overland and drove passed Sony Studios on Culver.
Kris interrupted his thoughts, “I hope you don’t mind us staying in your neighborhood. There’s a ton of amazing restaurants there now and it’s close…”
Adam shook his head, “No, not at all. I haven’t been to a lot of them, but yeah, I’ve heard good things.”
“Uh, the place we’re going is Fraiche? A French/Italian place. And we can hit a bar or something afterwards, hence the car,” Kris laughed nervously. “I would have driven, but just in case, you know?”
Huh Adam thought, he’s nervous too. Armed with that bit of information, Adam let himself relax a little. He was oddly happy that Kris was just as nervous as he was. Yes, they had talked on the phone since setting up this dinner, but it had been a good three weeks before they could align their schedules. Conversations over the phone were so much easier than this.
“Oh, I’ve heard of it!” Adam exclaimed. “Wanted to go, so this is great!”
Kris laughed, “Good. Good. Oh, here we are. Ready?”
Adam nodded, “Yeah.”
The hostess led them to a quiet corner in the back, nodding discreetly. Adam tried not to let the curious stares from the diners get him even more nervous. He saw slivers of recognition in their eyes, but it wasn’t overall bad.
Once they sat for dinner, the nerves disappeared. They spoke like it was a normal night, as if tonight wasn’t a big deal. Laughing, joking.
Kris was saying…“Yeah, it was a little weird, these so-called fans so following me around from city to city, mostly to talk to me about my ex-wife, you know?”
Adam shook his head, “I can’t even imagine.”
“I didn’t even realize she had fans like that. I mean, I knew she conversed with some people over Twitter and some forums and communities and all that, but after the divorce,” Kris shrugged. “I mean, it was bizarre.”
“Were they threatening or anything?” Adam asked.
Kris shook his head, “For the most part no, fairly harmless. But I still can’t get over the fact that they would travel around after me and then want to know about something that’s pretty private. I mean, I am in touch with her, but after the last couple years of my, uh, tabloid life, you’d think they’d be over it.”
Adam laughed, “I guess it’s nice to have fans?”
Kris laughed, “Yeah, I guess.”
Kris reached over to touch Adam’s fingers, “That night, I didn’t mean to be a jackass. It’s just that…”
Adam’s fingers curled naturally over Kris’s, “You don’t have to explain.”
“I just want things out in the open. I want you to know that it wasn’t you. The ex called that afternoon and was freaking out. I couldn’t blow her off. I should have canceled or rescheduled or something, but I…my brain wasn’t functioning, I was tired. It’s not an excuse, but…I just wanted you to know. It wasn’t you or because I didn’t want to do it.”
Adam nodded, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
Adam smiled and shrugged, “I’m over it. You’re making it up to me. It’s okay.”
Kris smiled back and squeezed his fingers, “Okay.”
Kris signaled for the check. As they walked out and passed front station, Adam noticed Kris slipping something to the hostess.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“Just a little additional thank you for the table and as you can see, no paparazzi around,” Kris replied as he extended his arm out to sweep the air and point to the busy street. “Usually hostesses or waiters call the paps if there’s someone fairly recognizable in the restaurant.” He paused and looked embarrassed, “Not that I mean…”
Adam laughed, “No I understand. That’s nice of you.”
Kris shrugged, “You live, you learn. Did you want to grab a drink or…”
Adam stopped. They were approaching the car, “I-well, I have a meeting in the morning actually,” he looked to the ground and rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “It’s not that I don’t want to, and…and I would, but I usually don’t have morning meetings, and this is kind of important, and I…shit.”
“Let’s get you home and rested then,” Kris said. He put his hand up onto Adam’s shoulder and walked them to the car.
As the car headed back to Adam’s apartment, Kris turned to him. “So morning meeting huh?”
He nodded, “Yeah, something Lucy set up. I’m not really a morning person, but this might be big, so…”
Kris smiled, “Don’t worry about it. You can make it up to me another time.”
Adam huffed out a laugh, “Really now.”
Kris made a face, “Well naturally. If it’s a Lucy meeting, then you have to be ready for just about anything. And no, I’m not going to ask about it and jinx it for you. You can tell me how it went on Saturday.”
Adam raised a brow. Kris laughed in response, “That is, if you’re free and would like to go out with me again.”
Quiet filled the car as a million things went flying through Adam’s head. He wants to go out with me again? He’s so cute I want to jump him. Why is he asking me out again? Would it be weird to touch his lower lip? Does he like like me or is it just because… Kris’s hand on his thigh stopped all thoughts. He felt the squeeze of his warm hand and was jolted back. His leg tightened at the warmth that rushed through his body. He was grateful for the dark interior because he knew he was now pink.
“You with me Adam?”
Shaking his head, he nodded, “Uh, yeah. Sorry. I just kind of zoned out didn’t I?” He put his hand on top of Kris’s and traced his knuckles. He smiled to himself when he felt the minor shiver from Kris.
The car stopped and Adam looked out. His apartment building. The driver came around to open the door. Kris stepped out first and said something and the driver nodded.
“I’ll walk you up.”
Adam blushed again, “You don’t have…”
Kris grabbed Adam’s hand, “I know I don’t have to, I want to. Come on.”
They walked into the lobby and stood there, looking at each other and everywhere else but each other.
“You never…” “I had fun…”
“Sorry, you first,” Kris laughed.
“I…oh fuck it,” he trailed off. He closed the space between them, cupped Kris’s face and kissed him. A closed-mouth kiss to just feel the bottom lip he had tried not to stare at all night. His lips feathered along Kris’s, feeling the softness. Kris reached out and yanked Adam closer by pulling on is belt loops. The kiss deepened as they walked until Kris’s back hit the elevator door.
Adam ran his hands through Kris’s hair and brought his head in tighter, harder, the want and need to have him closer running rampant through his body. Their heads moved, lips clashed as the sweet first kiss got decimated into an unbridled and wild mating of mouths, tongues and breath.
The ding of the elevator shocked them into jumping apart. Breathing hard, they separated to the opposite ends of the walls.
“I’ll see you Saturday then,” Kris breathed.
Adam got into the elevator. He looked at Kris, hair disheveled from his hands, lips glossy from saliva and red from their kiss.
As the doors closed, he replied numbly, “Saturday.”
**
They didn’t talk the rest of the week. All Adam knew was that he would have to cancel Saturday. He thought he had the night off, but Ruben had been booking him more since the LA Weekly story came out weeks ago. The club was packed and Ruben was happy.
He was even instrumental in the meeting with the independent record label. Between Lucy, Ruben and Monte, he felt like he was in good hands.
He picked up the phone and started to type in his text. He erased everything and stared at his cell phone. No, he should call him in person. When he got voicemail, he rushed through his message, hoping Kris would understand.
“Kris, hi, it’s Adam. Um, about Saturday. I thought I had the night off this week, but Ruben booked me at the last minute, and I hate to do this, but I have to cancel. Do you think we can do it another time? Lucy says that you’ve been in the studio a lot lately, and I don’t want to mess up your schedule if you’re busy and everything…”
The phone beeped signaling another call... “Oh, hey it’s you, uh, ignore this voicemail then I guess?”
He switched lines, “Uh, hi. I was just leaving you a voicemail.”
Kris’s laughter filled the line, “Don’t worry about it. Just missed your call by a second, so I figured I’d call you back. What’s up?”
“So, I hate to do this, but I have to cancel Saturday. But, it’s not like we had anything really planned, right?”
“True,” he replied, dragging out the word.
Adam rushed, pretty much repeating what he said on the voicemail, “Well, I just got a call from Ruben, and he booked me for Saturday night, and I really want to perform, but then I want to see you too, but since it was kind of open, I was hoping we could rain-check it?”
“Hmmm,” was the only response.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m thinking up a plan,” Kris retorted.
“Okay, how’s this?” he paused and Adam heard Kris muffle the phone and tell the people he was with to give him a few minutes. “Sorry, in the studio. Okay, so how about this. Are you singing at the same time on Saturday?”
“Yeah.”
“Then how about we have an early dinner, and we’ll go to the club together. Then afterwards we can hang out, grab a drink or whatever.”
“You don’t have to…”
“Adam,” Kris sighed. “I know I don’t have to, I want to. I’ll come pick you up. And, I’ll even sit there through your sets and not lurk in the shadows.”
Adam laughed, “You’re going to be seen in public stalking me?”
“Hell, why not,” Kris shrugged. “Plus, I think it’ll be fun.”
“Are you sure?”
Adam heard commotion in the background again, “Yes I’m sure. Hey, I gotta go. I’ll pick you up at five okay?”
“Okay. I’ll see you on Saturday then.”
“Yes you will,” Kris replied, voice laced with promise.
Adam collapsed on his bed. “Fuck me.”
**
Adam paced nervously in his apartment. Monte glanced at him and went back to strumming his guitar. When Adam passed and knocked into his foot, he snapped, “Would you stop fucking pacing around? You’re wearing a path into the shitty carpet and you’re driving me insane.”
Adam flounced onto the couch next to him, “I’m nervous, okay?”
Monte put the guitar down carefully, “Why? You’re going to kick ass with the new songs tomorrow night. Rehearsal was great, I think we’ll be tight by tomorrow. The meeting with the label went well. Things are coming together.”
“No, not that,” Adam said waving his hand. “Not that. Just this thing with Kris.”
Monte sat up and his eyes bulged, “What thing with Kris. Who Kris? Kris Allen? That Kris?”
Adam threw his arm across his eyes, “Yes. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Wait, what? What could be going on?” Monte eyed Adam and crossed his arms. “Spill.”
Adam sighed, “Long version or short version?”
“Any version. I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me!”
“I didn’t mean to, it was just weird, you know?” Adam said, uncertainty making his voice waver. “It happened so fast.”
“Tell the story,” Monte growled. “From the beginning. After the whole tabloid mess and after Lucy dumped his ass.”
Adam curled into the opposite corner of the couch and didn’t look at Monte. He closed his eyes and thought back, “Well, it turns out after that tabloid mess and the Lucy thing, he started coming to my gigs. I guess he stood in the back and then slipped out as soon as I was done. I never saw him. But, then at Lucy’s party…”
“That weekend I was out of town right, that whatever you want to celebrate thing?” Monte interrupted.
“Yeah. So, I ran into him there, which I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised about, since they’re still friends and all. We sang together that night. It was pretty amazing,” he said with awe. “I sang with fucking Kris Allen, you know?”
Adam felt Monte nod and continued, “But then I don’t know. Something happened. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was strange. Not in a bad way, just…I don’t know. There was something.”
“A connection?” Monte prompted.
Adam sat up excitedly, “Yes! A connection! Some sort of understanding or bond or some shit that appeared out of nowhere!”
“Mmm-hmmmm” was the only reply came back.
“What?” Adam huffed.
Monte waved his hand, “Nothing. Go on.”
Adam flopped back onto the arm of the couch, “Well. We had this moment, and we got separated with people leaving and cleaning up. Then, as I was leaving, Kris was there, right? I’m not really sure what happened, but he kissed me.”
He peeked over at Monte, who sat unmoving and stone-faced. Not waiting for a reaction, Adam continued, “It was, I don’t even know. I was confused. Then, um, a few weeks later, I find out that he’s been coming to the club and watching me sing. I never saw him, but after that I made it a point to look for him to see if it was true. I saw finally saw him, just lurking in the shadows. It was weird and flattering and I don’t know. But that night, I sorta was drinking and venting to Lucy who then, in her usual way just gave me his address and told me to go ask him in person about it. And, naturally, I got even drunker that night and went to his house and yeah. And next thing I know, I went out to dinner with him on Sunday and we kissed again and…we’regoingoutagaintomorrowandhe’llbeattheshow.” He finished quickly.
Monte finally moved. He stood up and took over the pacing. He scrubbed his face and sat back down. “Okay. Really Adam?”
Adam looked down at his fingers and shrugged.
“What are you doing?”
“Not sure,” he said. He leaned his head back into the corner of the couch. “I like him Monte. It’s easy being with him and talking and just…” he trailed off. He threw his hands up. “I know he’s famous and all that, but it just doesn’t feel like it. He seems like a normal guy.”
“You’re not gonna like this, but someone has to say it,” Monte said gruffly. Adam closed his eyes and braced himself for the worst. “He’s been fucking around since his divorce. He gets famous and all of a sudden he’s running around with men and women, wreaking havoc everywhere. I think he’s confused as to what he is and who he is. Why are you letting yourself be caught up in this game? Because he’s obviously still fucking around with whoever he can and getting a kick out of it…No, let me finish. I think the fact that your celebrity crush is flirting with you is clouding your judgment. He’s totally your type, but add to that you’ve had a crush on him for, like, forever. I think you’re letting him use you.”
Adam’s eyes flashed with anger. He shot off the couch, “No. He’s not.” He walked in front of Monte and stood over him. Irritation flooded his body and face, “It’s not like that. He wouldn’t do that.”
Monte stood and faced him, “He could and he would. I’m just telling you to go in with both eyes open and to be careful.”
Frustrated Adam tore himself away and started pacing again, “What are you doing to me? This is why I didn’t want to say anything! Now I’m going to have all these questions in the back of my head and be nervous and annoyed and not myself. It feels right, dammit! I like him-a lot. And he likes me. It…he…Fuck. He’s a good guy.”
Monte grabbed his arm as he passed. He gripped it harder when Adam tried to yank out of his grasp, “Listen. I love you. You mean the world to Lisa and me. I just want you to be careful, that’s all. I’m just telling you to watch out, just a little. Give your heart a little protection is all. I don’t want to see you heartbroken again. I don’t think you can handle a giant heartbreak again.”
Adam stiffened, “I won’t break. It’s different this time.” He shrugged out of Monte’s grasp. “He’s different Monte. I feel different. Despite the bad start, it’s going well.”
Monte huffed, “Yeah, we’ll see.” He leaned over to grab his guitar. “You’re too good for him you know.” He carefully placed the guitar in its case, back to Adam. “He doesn’t deserve you and your kindness.”
“He’s a good man, Monte. He’s been nothing but sweet and caring. He’s acted shitty before, but it’s done. He does deserve me. And I deserve him.”
Monte stood and strapped the guitar case over his shoulder. He walked to Adam and cupped his face, “You are too good for him. He needs to know that and if, if this is what you’re saying and he feels the same connection, he needs to learn to appreciate it.” He kissed Adam on the cheek. “See you tomorrow night.”
“I’m not too good for him. I think we’re the best of too good for each other.”
**
PART III