( Does shepherd's pie come in barbecue? )

"Rhiannon” plays behind the montage of last night performances.  They can get Stevie Nicks to mentor, but we’re stuck with Nicki Minaj tonight?  I can hear Nigel’s wheels turning here: “Stevie can hold the older viewers, but we need someone current to appease the millions of tweens that watch us.”  Style over substance continues to reign on Idol.

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We open with a countdown of the thoughts that cascade through the broken synapses of what used to be Steven Tyler's mind: 125,000.  The countdown ends with his actual number of lucid thoughts: 2.  Seacrest is still in a tuxedo.  Adam Lambert's hair is here.  Last night 122 million votes were cast?  Can we get each one of those to send me a penny ( Read more... )

Carrie Underwood - age 8.  David Cook - age 10.  Audition shots of Scotty and Lauren, who are just slightly older than that.  Scotty at age 8, Lauren at 10.  Seacrest dressed as Michael Buffer.  Let the manipulation begin!

Enter the judges, who I have grown to hate this year.  Steven Tyler has killed an entire zoo to make the printed shirt he has ( Read more... )

Carrie Underwood - age 8.  David Cook - age 10.  Audition shots of Scotty and Lauren, who are just slightly older than that.  Scotty at age 8, Lauren at 10.  Seacrest dressed as Michael Buffer.  Let the manipulation begin!

Enter the judges, who I have grown to hate this year.  Steven Tyler has killed an entire zoo to make the printed shirt he has ( Read more... )

As tempting as it is to fast forward ahead to the last five minutes of the show, I'm not going to do it.  Of course, that doesn't stop Jimmy Freaking Iovine from telling us Scotty will be in the finals in the opening segment: "A guy will be in it."  Well, unless Haley has been secretly pulling a Lady Gaga on us all year, this means Scotty is in, ( Read more... )

OK, this is a strange night...I can honestly say that this is the first year since I've been writing these recaps that I couldn't care less who wins this year.  My favorites are gone, and I don't have a dog in this fight.  That said, I promised you all some objectivity and some snark, so here goes.

Opening montage with top 3 auditioning.  Shots of ( Read more... )

Seacrest wends his way through the final four on stage...Haley is trying not to crack up.  Who will stay?  Who will go ( Read more... )

Opening montage is about the home visits and accolades the top 3 receive every year.  Obviously, tonight is the MOST IMPORTANT NIGHT OF THE SEASON...until next week, that is.  Hearing Archuleta say "oh my gosh!" makes me laugh again though.

The judges enter...Randy in black and grey, Lopez in a denim dress/skirt combo that looks to have been painted ( Read more... )

Recap montage.  Judges enter - Randy is in a blue Sgt Peppers meets leisure suit meets Captain Kangaroo jacket, J Lo is dressed in a "I Dream Of Jeannie" outfit by way of ballet class, and Tyler is mostly in black, with sunglasses to hide a few of his wrinkles.  Ain't enough Botox in the world, Steven...

60 million votes?  Gotta get me one of those ( Read more... )