10:57 BRB. Saving everyone's jobs. AGAIN. #

14:35 A MONSTER MAY NOT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA YOU GUIZ. I CAN SEE INDIVIDUAL PIXELS ON MY MONITOR #

14:41 "Rodney rented Twilight for you, Craig. Also he loves you and can't wait to snuggle up on the couch and watch it with you." Good enough? #

14:45 Or "Rodney said he can't wait to sparkle with you." ( Read more... )

11:48 That now marks the third time this week that I have walked into my boss' office and she was listening to Living La Vida Loca un-ironically. #
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14:18 You can take a cheese slice and fold it in fourths and each piece fits perfectly onto a cracker. That is how I KNOW God exists. #

14:40 Where The Wild Things Are trailer is online. It uses one of my favorite songs of all time, Arcade Fire's Wake Up. Faith in humanity restored #

14:51 Last one. This video basically sums up the awesomeness that ( Read more... )

14:06 Did you realize that a Twix wrapper is see through? (*I just gave you an excuse to buy a Twix guilt free. You're welcome.*) #

17:17 Shut up. #

17:22 that last update was meant for @armchairmatinee . You complain that I update too much and then nudge me? You sir, are a fickle pickle. #
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09:53 Wait. Lost weekend means what? It doesn't mean playing COD and Left 4 Dead for hours while watching Japanese horror movies? Never mind then. #

15:33 Unlike the rest of you, I only use twitter ironically. Or whatever. #

16:07 COPS would be so much cooler if it was filmed in front of a live studio audience. #
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09:01 Wife going on a girls trip. I'm going off the grid. Hold my calls. I'll be in a pizza induced horror movie daze for 3 days. Like a boss. #

09:47 Dreamt I wrote an SNL sketch about a cat who kills involving Tom Cruise in drag reciting lyrics to the Laverne and Shirley Theme. NOT JOKING #

14:12 Listening to a podcast where they are arguing over ( Read more... )

13:26 Had discussion about what peeps are. Craig says chicken (I understand) but what chicken has eyes on top of its head? Answer: a sea monster. #

13:53 A squadron of cashew snipers. If you could understand the thought process behind this, you would find it hilarious. #

15:23 BRB POST PEEP COMAzzzzzzz #
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10:10 I think I am allergic to my rental car. It makes me all sneezy and apathetic toward my job. #

14:16 You know whats been stuck in my head? "Making your way in the world today, takes everything you got..." and now it is stuck in yours. Sorry. #

14:49 Im sorry for my previous tweet. In return I offer a palate cleanser. One of the best mash ups I ( Read more... )

20:52 So the rodeo is a new experience. I knew there was Texas stereotypes but I never really saw them until tonight. #

20:57 Also, didnt realize that there was such a thing as chicken fried bacon? Its deep fried breaded bacon. Somewhere, favrd falls silent in envy. #
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22:34 Anybody like to shave me? (Above the neck only, you pervs.) My kingdom for a Burt Reynolds-ian 'stache but alas, upper lip will not comply. #

08:28 Whenever I do end up shaving, my stats change -3 age and -12 creepy. I am now freshly shorn. /creepy twitter updates. #

13:48 Going to my first rodeo tonight, considering wearing my "Limp Bizkit ( Read more... )