I did it! I followed through on something and I do not think that this is the sign of the apocalypse in any manner ;) In late September, I have arranged to see a licensed counselor to start on the road with talk therapy and I will be maintaining my visits to my psychiatric nurse for medication management. I think this could be it - a final ( Read more... )

I wish I could wave vehemently at you and tell you that I will stick around. You know this story, right? The girl with the never ending list and notions of ideas and things to follow through on that only pokes through the veil before quickly skipping onto another idea without ever having following through on the rest of the ideas? I feel like there ( Read more... )

When I attempt my own "self-therapy session", I often try to recall a space in time or incident in which I became overly negative, especially when it began to turn itself inwards. You can rack your brain matter all day to try remembering a time like that as it all seems to be deeply masked and shoveled into some unknown netheregion. I am sure the ( Read more... )

Since the last time I wrote, all of the inbetween information seems to be hazy. I tend to believe that my mind is a constant state of fog as a defense mechanism. Tthe racing thoughts and emotions are present -- they lean towards the vicious type and I can feel it all in that moment, but after? I am not sure I can remember. Part of that is scary to ( Read more... )

Sometimes I must remind myself that psychiatry is not an exact science but that of a slightly more well-adjusted version of trial and error. Yesterday I attended my appointment - with dread - as I would have to report another instance of falling off of the wagon in regards to taking my medications. My psychiatric nurse would like to adjust my ( Read more... )

I could not help but think of simpler times; recalling the fond memories of when being a dinosaur doctor was what the three year old version of me wanted to do. I need that kind of direction in life again, that bold and even a little flashy certainty. I find myself discontent with what I am involved in, perhaps because I cry the same verses as ( Read more... )

Written at approximately 9:15 AM EST ( Read more... )

There is a part of me that I thought was long dead and buried. I bastardized the notions long before I could even begin to unleash a whirlwind of cinematic outbursts. I think on the path of good intentions comes the side detours of good ideas to follow through on. I bit my lip rather tensely and debated about a hundred times whether I should even ( Read more... )

Written at approximately 8:35 AM from the scraps of time I have mustered from work.

Things occur in such short periods of time that it makes me wonder about how fickle existance can be. I have probably spent the majority of my life in a state of contemplation or form of mental discourse. I'm tired of feeling like I am wasting away or wasting time ( Read more... )

I am attempting this new semi-philosophical endeavor of following through on ideas; one such being maintaining a locale or centralized place for the insides - the quiet things that no one knows, that being this journal. I am currently a bit sidetracked, falling behind on my the maintenance of these ideas and slowly but surely I am watching my ( Read more... )