I don't know what to say, but I wanted to say something. Maybe it could change your life. Mine is already changed. Forgiveness was never my strong suit, and nether is trust. The people I have in my life I am enjoying more. I can't seem to touch how lost I was. Can't seem to relate. Everything is different, but I'm me, and that is beautiful.

Well, I have not been here for forever. It's nice breath of fresh air ( Read more... )

"One can't love man without hating most of the creatures who pretend to bear his name."

Wow, I will never figure this little game out. He doesn't want her, idiot, so she wants me by default. Yes, that is right, I have become the fallback plan. I could just write it off as me being paranoid, that is if she hadn't told me that herself. I don't know if I like this. I couldn't have him, sooo uh, you'll do. Maybe, it's just my ego. I want ( Read more... )

I don't think I have ever said goodbye to someone so many times before. It's stopped being dramatic and started being predictable. I don't know what to do. She doesn't love me, not that I blame her, I gave her a year and a half of hell. But now, I love her, with out question. So, I am alone but full, I am afraid I am going to spill. I confided in ( Read more... )

I thought I would care more, but I don't... she is gone. Out of my life, the weight of the world has been lifted. All I needed was an excuse. Maybe I didn't love her, maybe I was lieing to myself, how could I? Who knows maybe I did, ah whatever, shit happens. I know what she is now, at least the place that she fills in my life, a past, a regretful ( Read more... )

I want to say goodbye to her, but I also don't want to talk to her. I hate her, but I know I don't. Why? I hate women that fuck at the drop of a hat, maybe just her, because I did care. Now I wont let myself care. I assume that this will be the way she will act for the rest of her life, and I don't want to be a part of it. I don't want to be a part ( Read more... )

I thought about dieing today. Not the idea of dieing but the actual act, how easy it was. It was off a bridge in pasadena, I could feel the cold wind, smell the air, feel my eyes tearing up. I felt like I was soaring, like I would never touch the ground again... then I was gone ( Read more... )

I've abandoned livejournal. But I knew I would come back eventually, so here I am. Things are better and worse. I grow tired of being the asshole, but she says I am only the asshole with her. Not because I think she will understand, she wont. I think that I would be like this with anyone that I spend this much time with, and is so completely ( Read more... )

1. Go into your LJ's archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

It kills me, because in a way it reminds me that I have no freedom.