So, it'stime to accept that, at this point in my fatness, no matter what I wear or how I wear it...

I will look like a manatee in a raincoat.

In other news: Petroglyphs tomorrow, tattoo on Tuesday, and my iguana is in excellent health.

I am so so so very tired of fake sluts. You know those girls, where on their LiveJournal or MySpace they're always blahblahing about all the guys who they have fucked, or who want to fuck them, or whatever, and you know they're just totally full of crap and desperate for attention. I have, like, 4 on my friends list, not that I'm naming any names, ( Read more... )

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So, poetry is gay. And slam poetry is super extra mega gay.

If you need proof of this, I received (I believe) 22.4 points out of a possible 30 for saying "Choad" over and over again for about a minute and a half.
22.4. Out of 30. For saying choad. And people take this shit seriously. I hope they all get AIDS. Except for that one guy I have sex ( Read more... )

Dear Baby Jesus,
I know you hate the Cubs. It's a well-established fact, and I have come to accept that as a Cubs fan I will be ridiculed for the rest of my life. However, if you don't let the Bears win tomorrow,and allow at least one of my Chicago teams stop making a jack-ass out of me (mention the White Sox and I'll brain you), I will kill you. ( Read more... )

Send me a personals e-mail...the first contact I've EVER had with you ... that reads like this:

"Liked yer profile. - Mine ain't good though. I have a BA in FLM studies so I like to watch movies. I'm very honest and caring. Unfortunately I'm a little alergic 2 smoke. Could u cut back or not do it around me if we hit it off?"
Thank God I'm not ( Read more... )

So much has happened since I last updated, and because my vagina controls time and space, simultaneously so little has happened, I'll just say this:
I hate everyone. I'm very angry. I'm very hopeful. I have no goals or ambitions. I wish I was dead. I wish you were dead more. I wish I was a penguin. No, wait, I don't. I'm scared. I'm confused. I ( Read more... )

BACKSTORY TIME!

About...oh...3 weeks ago? My dad's dad got sent to the hospital, and they were all "His brain and spine are deteriorating, he'll be a vegetable soon"...okay, flash forward to now, and my butrtfucking crazy grandma is all "No, let's bring him home and let him drive".

Uhhhh.
It did spawn a lovely Christmas carol parody by my ( Read more... )

So, I did the math, because I am very intellimahgent, and I figure the more I drink between now and New Year's, the better the odds are that I'll grow at least one ball and finally off myself. Who wants to front the cash for the first bottle? Anyone?

12 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me --
I always have to smoke right after I paint my ( Read more... )

daman26518: i shudder to think otherwise ( Read more... )