"it was only a matter of time before every atrocity possible would be committed." -Before. this is true not only for those whose limbic systems are wrought with passion and innervated by too much DA, but all people.

no, i'm happy
i tell myself that.
but i have nightmares where i'm struggling: cutting, tearing, gouging
that deity's smug body

WE can't reconcile the abuse with the Other's fervent acceptance of what's surely a detriment.

i was displeased to notice that every other memory had the taint of the ideal him in it.
(i wonder, too, if he's plagued by object-subject associations of me that persist despite his wishes.)

later, more objective and full of rationalizing-medication, i was stricken by the images. i spend far too much time on the technical aesthetics and am unforgiving to the point of making impossible demands on my own unyielding body ( Read more... )

i am preparing for the break in the usual way.
quote:
Since so much went on, I will only name a few things. I met Tam’s friend/ex Tony, who was fucking awesome. He and I talked about music for a while, and that was nice, since I don’t get to do that too often because my band mate is a fucking flake. I will be looking forward to working with Tony ( Read more... )

despite efforts, dismal, diffuse, no indecision but rather a want of action that serves as intended purpose ( Read more... )

EDIT

all to typify self, all aghast, all uncomfortable and female. effective with the absence of all pronouns.
also functions as study guide replete with fill-in-the-blank problems.

sidenote. fearful, can't concentrate (useless intro, familiarizes, sets tone ( Read more... )

my favorite activity used to be to compare letters to me and to [others], and the proximity with which they were tasked ( Read more... )

sole memory, for reference, for grudge-harboring.

( spurring self-loathing )

i have no right to treat him with such cruel and unsolicited malice, to assume he's the fiend i see in my dreams. that it's a repeat of the old routine is undoubtable. i cannot hold him responsible for it, though, i cannot protest what i have so plainly refused ("'no,' said Prince Brat, as flatly as if he had been offered a bag of coal").