Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Third Dream Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ Forwarded to late night

[byakkoyagirl]

[Written; Near night time (Paprika isn't visible as she isn't imposing her image)]

I hope everyone has a good dream tonight.

[It ends there. She won't be answering anyone who tries responding. If anything it's only a precaution, so no one can say she didn't warn them. Even if she didn't make herself obvious - it wouldn't be much of a surprise if

Comments

*piles on more tags for you :|;;;* Is this okay? xD;

[semper_cogitans]

[Robert is not sleeping well. At all

a-okay with me :|b

[byakkoyagirl]

[...Oh dear. It isn't a sight she expects to see, when she arrives behind Robert and the corpse of one of her friends. She heard about this. Helios did report on the death and Giles even told her about it. How he died protecting...

It was only natural to see someone like this, after watching their friend die so cruelly.]

Do you blame yourself? [She asks him quietly, yet her voice is clear in an empty room like this.]

\o/

[semper_cogitans]

[His body trembles at the foreignness of a voice he only barely registers somewhere in the back of his head. Paprika, the tattered remnants of his sanity inform him through the dream's panic fog. But he doesn't ask how she got here, yet. Instead, he nods; his voice is almost a whisper.]

Yes...

[And how can he not? Indeed, Paprika might hear another voice as well, seemingly omnipresent - though really it's just inside Robert's self-hateful mind. It is, very distinctly, Helios'. And though it is mostly just a jumble of sound, it is clearly vehement.

"Your fault", the voice snaps, and Robert coils inward, swaying with the weight of the accusation and the dizziness from the stench of blood and the adrenaline-fueled terror churning in him. It may be just a dream, but when he's telling himself he should fight - and when every Terran cell of him screams that he really shouldn't, even if it might prevent just one more death like this...

He presses his hands to his face and stifles a sob.]

[byakkoyagirl]

[She does hear Helios's voice. But, she ignores it. She knows Helios wouldn't blame Robert for what happened. Helios just wasn't that sort of person. So instead she comes closer to Robert, yet does not offer him a hand. He needs to calm down first.]

Giles wouldn't want you to think that.

[semper_cogitans]

[Oh, but Helios had blamed Robert for what happened. Those vicious, biting words are the same ones Helios screamed at Robert before abandoning him for almost half a month. And it's why they're replaying now, almost as if to mock Robert. Look what happens when you try to have friends. Looks what happens when you get close to people... First you lost Vivi, and now Helios in a completely different way.]

H-He doesn't, but... [Halting; uncertain. Giles had repeatedly told Robert it wasn't his fault. That doesn't stop him from feeling like it is, because it's always his fault. He's always the one who causes the problem.]

... If... if I fight... w-will I... will I be a monster...?

[byakkoyagirl]

[She makes an absent-minded hum.]

Fight what exactly? What do you plan to fight?

[semper_cogitans]

I d-don't know. Just, at all. I shouldn't... [His voice is a soft whisper that barely carries over the low din in the area.] Violence is wrong, but... but everybody says fighting... is different... and can have ethics...

[He looks sadly down at Giles.] F-Fighting made this happen. But I caused it... b-by not fighting.

...

I-I... I do not understand. I just... cannot allow my friends to die again, for me... [Not without doing something. Not without trying.]

[byakkoyagirl]

Violence never solves violence. I'm sure you're rational enough to understand that. [She tilts her head up to look at the ceiling for a moment, before turning back to Robert.] You shouldn't try to be something you know you aren't either. You can protect people in other ways.

[semper_cogitans]

But... my friends think it is... g-good for me to learn... and I should be stronger...

[He's struggling with the notion. On the one hand, Don wants him to, and he'd do almost anything for Don. On the other hand... Paprika's words sound so very comforting. They sound like Terran rhetoric. They sound exactly like what he wants to hear, what he wants to go back to - the comforting arms of normalcy.

But Luceti has been so very far removed from that for a long time.]

... How...? How can I... protect myself? H-How can I protect others when I am... helpless?

[The dream landscape almost wavers a moment, as Robert's fragmented consciousness tries to rationalize this, but it doesn't fade. The body of Giles continues to bleed at their feet.]

I know my f-friends can fight, but... [They aren't weak like me. They're strong.] ... b-but... I am a Terran. I... I should be above that...

[byakkoyagirl]

Robert, you aren't a fighter. You're a thinker. [She taps on his forehead with a single index finger.] So use your brain to think of way to help others. Not everything can be solved with your fists. I trust you can figure something out.

[semper_cogitans]

[At this, Robert balls his fingers into loose, trembling fists.] I tried. I talked to that monster and I tried to ask and then she killed Giles right in front of me. What good did that do?!

What good do I ever do here? All I ever do is put my friends in danger and then everybody has to protect me...!

[His brain, his only asset, has so many times been stymied by this place. No data. No scientific community to collaborate with. Nobody who will listen to a reasonable, well-thought-out argument. He can't think them out of Luceti; he can't reason with the Malnosso or the Third Party; he can't do anything and it is wearing away his sanity, like a cliff face weathered by the incessant pounding of the ocean.]

[byakkoyagirl]

Robert -- Robert calm down! [She says hastily, putting her hands on his shoulders. Right now she's just focused on calming the man more than anything.]

[semper_cogitans]

[He's beyond being easily calmed; though the hands on his shoulders ground him, the world around them lurches crazily as Robert shudders, tears escaping his shut eyes. For a moment, his breath catches in his throat, before he looks up at Paprika, terrified and angry and ashamed.]

First it was D-Doctor Faye-Ling - Litchi - and Giles twice - and what if Helios, or Don w-were to... die because of me...? Because I'm useless?

Thinking never does any good in this m-miserable place... no rationality, no logic, nothing to understand, nothing to qu-quantify - how can I do anything, Paprika?! Terra never prepared me for th-this...!

[Frankly, his life has been so sheltered that it's never been prepared for much of anything...]

[byakkoyagirl]

You aren't responsible for their deaths, Robert. You never killed anyone, so knock it off. If you were useless I doubt people would care for you here. [She stops for a moment and when she speaks again her own tone is lower and much slower.] I don't think any place prepares anyone for Luceti. You shouldn't give up because of that.

[semper_cogitans]

[His demeanour softens at that, though he still trembles.] I... I do not deserve what people do for me.

[Or at least, he feels that way.

And giving up has always been so much easier. Giving up and running away. He would've ran away a long time ago if he could.]

[byakkoyagirl]

...Robert, where does all this negativity come from? You're a brilliant person. So what if you can't fight evil? I can't either, but you can't let that bring you down. [Besides, she could have done something too. To help Helios, to help Giles, to help a lot of people. ...But it's probably easier for her to get over that idea.]