I'm thinking about buying a flower of a certain color and putting it in the handle of someone's car door. But I think a lot of things. Mostly, I just write them down here and never carry em out. It's an ongoing problem, I guess. If you've never seen Trisha stoned, then you are missing out on the funniest thing you might ever see, particularly when ( Read more... )

When my brother and I have people over at our house, expect there to be sex going on in one of the bedrooms, a joint being passed around the back porch, and the guests coercised into watching some extreme makeover show by Ms. Magnifying Glass herself. I think perhaps one of the most amazing feats of human accomplishment I've seen recently is a girl ( Read more... )

I almost got caught walking to my car at four in the morning wearing my I Love You boxers, but I'm more observative than that. Some people might think the time it takes to move your sleeping/possibly dying cousin away from your closet to get your jeans is enough to prepare for a beauty contest, but those people are just a little impatient about ( Read more... )

I don't like how my heart won't listen to my head and my tongue won't listen to my heart, and that sometimes all I can do is watch you move with your lips.

In the morning I am leaving for Longview to join my family for the usual annual holiday celebrations. I don't want to go, and there are countless reasons for that sentiment. Perhaps it will be good for me, though, to slip temporarily into that simple country environment and use it's front-porch-sitting silence to contemplate the events of my recent ( Read more... )

I don't think you could possibly understand how drunk me and Sarah get. Ask the kids who tried to play our drinking game. And don't be alarmed if we blare The Darkness as loud as we can. You could see one guy's jacket through the holes in his ears, a true gangster who hopefully made a man of himself after my pep talk with Ms. Thomas. I guess you ( Read more... )

This isn't the entry that Boston has been waiting for, but it's coming. So is the home movie, which should arrive in MA today or tomorrow. You may want to fast forward over the part where Kevin sings. We had nothing else to do. He gives a stunning performance, though, and who woulda thought he loved the camera that much. A star was born. A country ( Read more... )

There was a guy at wal-mart who scanned beyonce's cd and it started playing extremely loud. There was way too many people around for that kind of shit and he was obviously embarassed and tried frantically to get it to stop. So, I drowned it out by playing modest mouse on the sony home theater system in the electronics department. I figured that was ( Read more... )

The heater in my car smells like weed. If you don't know what WT means, then you didn't get a little high off of it. If you do know what it means, you might have called me at three in the morning for an argument. Trisha, Mindy, and I are so cool that when we go out to eat at Bejing, people we know come to sit at a different table to stare at us. ( Read more... )

If Sarah tells you that her two black eyes aren't from poking my airbag with a pitchfork, she's lying. And if you think her birthday party is this month, you're confused. And if you don't think it's possible for a tv show called cold case to run late, just ask Jo about the six extra minutes of football. Yesterday was all about riding around on pink ( Read more... )