Comments | c_rza: Life is progressing...or so it seems...or so I would hope.

c_rza

Life is progressing...or so it seems...or so I would hope.

Mar 15, 2005 15:18

Well, this is going to be slightly-well slightly isn't exa-aw fuck it, this shit is gonna be mad long. But if you have the time to sit down and read for a minute, please by all means do so. I would like in my own world to know that someone is mildly interested in me and concerned with my actual being. Other than it always being me caring for ( Read more... )

Comments 29

memeworrywort March 16 2005, 00:02:39 UTC

I took the time to read your entry. I can't help but relate to your lonely situation. It seems that I'm in college with a bunch of kids who don't know how to treat a person. Well, at least I'm in college ( ... )

c_rza March 16 2005, 01:29:58 UTC

Hey whatsup man, it's mad nice to hear from you and see that you read my entry. And yeah, it's a bitch when you gotta pay your own bills. That's why I've opted to give my mom half for the shit here so I don't hear her fucking mouth. As for Jasmine and Erica...ha who knows...it's funny cuz Jas's birthday is approaching and I already called her to see what she was doing for her birthday and thinking about what to get her. And Giselle is such a stupid whore. I hope she gets an STD and when she has a baby and meets her baby's father, I hope he beats her and her baby grows up to be an asshole that beats her. Well now that I got that off of my chest. And you can always call man and we'll set something up considering Jas's dad is cutting me down to 3 days of work now...I'll be having a little bit more time on my hands. Llama me.

ambermourning March 16 2005, 03:33:14 UTC

Oh Chris, there is so much to say and such a small comment box to say it in, but let's take this step by step. We've been friends for about four years now, so I'm going to just come out and say everything that needs to be said, honestly ( ... )

Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 05:28:48 UTC

First and foremost, since we're being "honest ( ... )

Re: Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 05:31:37 UTC

And yeah I could be happy with my cupcake, but the point I was coming across there, was basically-when you don't have your family to turn to, one can only look towards their friends. That's what I was getting across. That's why for the most part I will love Eddie-That's my brother, that's my boy, he did to me what I did to him back in junior year. He took me in when I had no other choice so I didn't have to feel too alone around the Christmas season. And "Why Do it?" Well, in case you haven't noticed, Erica, I tend to try to give all of myself to a person, and I'll tend to want to go out of my way for that person, because a lot of the time, I feel under appreciated for what I do, so I go looking as to what else I can do to make someone happy. Seeing other people's happiness makes me unusually happy. Cuz it lets me know I did something good. I look worthy enough to be in that person's life and let them know that they can always ask me for something, give me a call if they're feeling down, look towards seeing me the next time we ( ... )

Re: Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 05:32:14 UTC

God, there are so many things I can use as an example. I give myself to that person cuz I want to be wanted, I straight up need to feel like I'm needed. That's why I'm like that with everyone cuz I don't have little if at all any family that I can turn to. Which is why me and my mom hardly talk, which is why my dad sees me as a way to get out of paying for my child support. Which is why I don't have anyone else but my friends. And when this happens, what do I have? And really my big problem is that I care too much. I give myself too freely and when I'm let down I fucking feel it. And I give my mom half of the rent and bills because I don't want to owe her anything when I die. I don't want her to use anything against me when the time comes and she blames me like she did in high school for wasting all the time she did on me up til then. Still to this day-should an arguement arise-she'll bring up how she wasted 17 years on me to send me to a school and how she struggled to support me. I do it so I don't have to know she has any ( ... )

Thread 7

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Re: what's up c_rza March 16 2005, 03:42:25 UTC

If things couldn't get worse...when I tried setting up my iTunes library it wiped out everything...but good looking out. I still appreciate it.

(The comment has been removed)

Re: what's up c_rza March 16 2005, 20:28:39 UTC

yeah i know right...it could be worse and some shit could fucking happen. Like i almost dropped it in water the other day, I was freaking out.

speechless... well not really sedatedinsides March 16 2005, 04:21:46 UTC

Now this is really just sad to me. But everything erica said I completly agree with. So lets just have that known. In addition to that, let me just ask you one thing. Chris, where do you get off? I appreciate you apologizing to me before you talk about MY FATHER, admitting that you're about to be an asshole- and continuing, but it was just revolting. How dare you. How fucking dare you. My father has stood up for you time and time again. And who the fuck are you? You're just some obnoxious kid I'm froends with, and because as a friend you're important to me, you're impotant to my dad. Before, when he thought you wouldn't get the job, he tried to convince me to give you 50$ for him, just because you're a good kid and he felt bad. I told him you don't take handouts, just like a friend would know. But decided not to embarass you by telling you. After he stook his neck out for you to get you a job, giving you free lunch your first few weeks there, taking shit for keeping you past summer, and taking shit for keeping you on ( ... )

Re: speechless... well not really c_rza March 16 2005, 05:50:32 UTC

Like I said Jasmine, I do appreciate the fact that all your father has done for me. See, it's gonna be a pain to explain it all again after Erica. But it's like this Jasmine: I love all the effort your father has done in put through to me getting the job, and in return I bust my ass for him, doing everything he says as if he were a civilian staff sgt, but to understand what I'm saying you have to put yourself in my shoes. Do it for one minute and don't just read this and let it slip through one ear and out the other. I don't mean to insult you or your family, that's my last intention. But haven't you ever worked and whether it be a co-worker, your boss, or people in the office, have you ever thought of any of them as a jerk, bitch, asshole, etc? If you tell me you haven't your lying. But then jump outside the box, and did you ever think whos father, mother, sister, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend, or child that is ( ... )

Re: speechless... well not really c_rza March 16 2005, 06:02:10 UTC

And I know it's not your dad's job to pay for my things, but what a tenant told me really hurt. He told her that I was going away for college next year and this is a part-time thing. Since I've been working, Jasmine, I've been able to get my life on track and do something at a greater level than what I've been doing all along and thats further take care of myself. And I understand that your dad moves me into shifts so I can make money, but I also very well reimburse that by working overtime shifts when he can't find no one else, and no one else will do it. I mean I know you're going to take his side, he's your father. And Jasmine there's only so much more I know about this building than you do. Like I said from the start I appreciate all he has done, and as well I bust my ass to return that favor. But it hurts me soooo much. like it literallly hurts me soooo much to hear that he-one week tells me im gonna be working at that position for a long time, then comes a week later and tells me that he's gonna be changing things for me ( ... )

Re: speechless... well not really c_rza March 16 2005, 06:11:29 UTC

I hope you don't mean what I say Jasmine, because I don't have many friends, I don't have many people I can talk to. You know I value you as a person, as well as our friendship. So I even more so hope you don't mean that. As much as you've upset me in the past, I've never meant a harsh word to you. So what you've said fuckin hurts. but I don't know how much more you want me to explain...I only hope you can see where I'm coming from. That is the whole point of this, right? To see where I'm coming from. God, if you do know me like you say I do, You should know that I don't just outright attack anyone. And btw, I didn't aim to toast my cat jas, i did it for my mom because she loved that cat way more than I did. She wanted it done so I did it for her, Im so goddam sorry. God where do I get off? I'm so fucking sorry for being such a painful and disturbing friend for you jasmine. All I ever wanted was for shit to go right for me, as many downs i have come through. I'm so fucking sorry that I had to cut myself cuz I don't know ( ... )

Hmmmm...... velcrofree March 17 2005, 01:39:57 UTC

I think everyone here has ( ... )

Re: Hmmmm...... c_rza March 17 2005, 03:05:54 UTC

Brit...You're a saint. I really don't know what else to say to you. It seems like you are always one of the few people who more than often will always be there to listen and then offer alternative advice-not just advice. But I just want to be content with my life, and then I just came to a point where I let it out and everyone got pissed off at me about it. Like I stepped out of line and now I need to be penalized. Everyone has complained about something in their life, some more often than others. But like I said Brit, thanks for listening and being compassionate...and no, they weren't mean at all.