My take on That Comic (XKCD)

[cabell]

Here's the thing that I feel like most people aren't considering in their discussion of the comic: the dude cannot shoulder 100% of the blame. In fact, while I agree wholeheartedly with rejections of the whole bogus "Nice Guy" bullshit--having been subject to it myself more than once--I feel like the situation that this comic describes is one

Comments

[wiredferret]

What I find fascinating is the number of people who winced and said, "Oh, god, I used to be that guy. And it made sense at that time."

[inhumandecency]

I agree that itn's not 100%, but I think it's disproportionate. The way I read it, he knew she'd be selling herself short by settling for him, but she didn't know. So his contribution to the outcome is a deliberate, years-long campaign to knowingly harm someone else for his own benefit, and hers is making a bad relationship choice.

This probably has limited applicability to real-world "nice guy" scenarios, though. NG's show varying levels of awareness, and even when they know what they're doing they probably believe that if they could get together, everything would be great. That puts the two partners on more equal footing in terms of responsibility.

[ex_hellocth126]

Yeah, I think it's more like a deliberate, years-long campaign to "win the girl" in real-world scenarios. I don't think most guys like this are sociopaths who intentionally scheme emotional subjugation.

[antarcticlust]

And I think they take advantage of people when they're emotionally vulnerable and likely to make a mistake. Yes, people have free will, but they don't always make good choices.

[cos]

I read it the opposite. He's deluded into thinking this relationship would be right for both of them, and that he just needed to wait until she realized it. She knew all along it wouldn't be right for her, but she kept looking for something better and eventually decided, oh well, might as well go for this not-quite-right relationship because it's better than what I've been finding.

[hedonistpoet]

I largely agree with this. Further, I think it is worth noting that she never DOES choose to be with him. In fact, faced with the prospect of being with him, she chooses, instead some guy who (despite the bias of the party proclaiming it) likely DOESN'T respect her. Even that is preferable to the option being offered her. The situation where she settles is HIS fantasy, not a choice she actually makes.

[siderea]

Huh. Interestingly, none of the pointers I've seen have come with much discussion, and certainly nothing about blame one way or another. And it never occurred to me to take it as saying something about blame. It simply seemed to be explaining the scenario in the sense of "...and that's why it might not look like such a hot deal from her perspective."

[brdgt]

Totally agreed - but I also think that women, more than men, are socialized to behave like that and the "nice guy" benefits from that behavior. They count on you being nice with them instead of blunt. You give them your attention because to not do so would label you a bitch.