Literally 3 days ago I thought life was going great...

And everything in my entire life just came crumbling down. So much of my bravery has been slashed... I've reverted so much...

Everything I've worked for for the past few years..... All of my hopes for the future.... They're really gone..

I've cried nonstop for 2 days now. I haven't slept... I just ( Read more... )

Not even death, for that will end the suffering.

I deserve to suffer for all of eternity... I just wish I knew what I did that was so bad to deserve it....

Please God have mercy upon me and end my suffering.

I can't do it anymore.....

I agree reached out for help in every direction I can find and I am slapped with a branding iron every time....

I was in the ER in June and "nothing is wrong" even though my whole body is twitching constantly and my eyes won't focus anymore...

Drs say it's anxiety...

...it's ( Read more... )

Well I got the medical marijuana but it was all false hope.

When I take it, I get chest pains, I start shaking, and get really cold.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck. I can't even get high anymore. FUCKKK.

so in desperation I'm trying Zoloft again.

It hasn't done anything.

I've been sick for a few weeks with a cold, but that cold has turned into corona. It's a ( Read more... )

I was drunk and I hate the way I think

I'm going to try and get into an assisted living situation..,

Or play all my favorite games before killing myself.

I'm done with this garbage existence.

I can't take humanity anymore. I can't.

I can't get a shower or get out of bed and my damn psychiatrist tells me WELL IF U CANT GET A SHOWER THEN GET A SHOWER. and I am done with modern medicine. It ( Read more... )

Ive been ok since nov 14th... and today im not.

Its been ages since i talked to anyone irl and i dont know what im doing with my life. I just sit everry day and do nothing. I dont want to die, i am just nothing.

I hope that i can find some place to volunteer at, ive gained so much weight.... ;_;

I got so much done today, like 3 phone calls, new twitch emotes, redid security in 2 servers, streamed 2 whole games, finished smrpg battle, got the risk gun in destiny 2, played 7 days to die, and out all my twitch vids on YouTube!

Got my referall in to u of I for ADHD testing. Excitement.

People around me said I seem better since starting latudaa.

I also have a new friend group. Coincidence? Or medicine working?

I don't seem to feel much different but here we are.

I'm excited to get my damn ass life back >< it's been such a rough like, 5 years.

I still can't enjoy things but it's a start.

I hate existential criseses I hate it I hate it I hate humanity I hate everything

I can't stand literally anything idk what to do.