i don't know how to have all these emotions at the same time. conflicting contradicting doesn't make sense in my head or in my heart. but my eyes... my eyes... they know what to do... they always do. and my heart is in my throat and i can't hear myself think... and i never get past anything. and i never get past anything at all... and if i'm so ( Read more... )

my dad is moving out again. he says that he is sick of the criticism all the time. he can't do anything without getting actual criticism, or even just "the face" or "the tone." i have to remember that my dad is not perfect. i know he isn't and god knows i criticize when it is warranted. but he is such an amazing person, and for as long as i can ( Read more... )

... and I am none too happy about it... All I want to do right now is write in it, and it's nowhere to be found. I am stressing about some stuff and I just want to get out and I cannot find my journal. Although, I am not sure whether i'm more disgruntled about that or the fact that I have all this shit in there and I don't know where it is... ( Read more... )

sara gave me a bag of cds that she was going to throw away. I decided to make them into art. i love it.

Okay, for years, all I have wanted was someone to like me. Someone stable. Someone who is not a loser. I have wanted to not be alone anymore ( Read more... )

well. we keep getting these gigs and losing them. we lost tully's after a little under a year, first and 110, which i know wasn't really my gig after only a couple of months, and then sisson, which i thought was going okay, after i don't know, 4 months or something ( Read more... )

I caused more problems with my stepmother. I didn't call her on Mothers' Day. She's not my mother. She's never done anything to make me feel like she considered me a daughter. And she's not even nice to my dad. I'm still pissed at her because of the whole drama with the house and holding some shit over my dad's head, to the point where my dad ( Read more... )

...the last time I was this happy with my life ( Read more... )

...that losers see me and think "wow, she's attainable." I am a teacher. I am a pretend rockstar. I am down to earth. I am relatively self sufficient. I am relatively attractive ( Read more... )

I am worried about my dad. I am worried because his wife sucks. They are likely going to split up. Mainly because she is a douche. There are things that he could do differently, most involving foresight of possible consequences that he doesn't always have... but really. My dad is awesome, and his wife sucks ( Read more... )