I am so miserable. I don't even know what to do with myself...it's gone on too long. I can't seem to get happy. I'm alienating (have alienated) my friends and family. I miss Mamou more than anything and I think about him every moment of the day. I feel sick and tired all the time. I don't enjoy things anymore. I can't stand this much longer ( Read more... )

My heart feels like it's suffocating. Every so often I just cry and cry and cry and pray to God to make a miracle happen that will bring Mamou and I together again. It's all I want in the entire world. And I know that's crazy and shows a huge lack of perspective but it's just true at this point. I miss him so much. He doesn't even know anything ( Read more... )

Everything passes away - suffering, pain, blood, hunger and pestilence. The sword will pass away too, but the stars will still remain when the shadows of our presence and our deeds have vanished from the earth. There is no man who does not know that. Why, then, will we not turn our eyes toward the stars? Why?

The White Guard, Mikhail Bulgakov

Now it has hit me what Mali really did to me. Despite it being an amazing year that I would never do differently, it destroyed everything I had. Not only have I lost the closeness of my family and the hearts of my friends, but also it seems I have lost Mamou, unless some miracle occurs. As my mother cruelly and uncomprehendingly says, bringing him ( Read more... )

So Geneda (another waitress) looked at me today, gave me a sideways hug and said "I don't know if anyone has told you this yet, but I think you're a great addition to this team. You're a great worker ( Read more... )

This week is making me feel like a single mom. Like a really BAD single mom who fucks everything up and whose kids get taken away from her.

So glad I quit that job. I am much happier now. Plus my man's started calling me more often. God bless skype by the way. Even though he has to use all of his gas money + borrowing money from other people and bumming rides off them because he has no gas, he manages to do it. How sweet. This week we talked rather much actually. I can never get enough ( Read more... )

I have GOT to pull myself together. I am a wreck and I have to do something about it. I start first thing tomorrow ( Read more... )

I am so freaking dreading my new database thing job. I don't even know why. But then again, I didn't expect to love waitressing and I do, so we'll have to see ( Read more... )

I know it's been a while, but I think I need this journal now. The nights are so lonely for me when I get home from work. Everyone I used to know is busy, and my boyfriend is 5000 miles away and asleep, not thinking of anything or me. I have never needed someone to talk to so badly and had no one, so my solution is to talk to myself, with the ( Read more... )