I once was a child who was carefree and wild.  I even once went to a place covered in a white blanket.  You walked ahead of me and there were your footprints in front of me.  I tried as hard as I could to follow in them but they were simply too large and too far.  I wanted so very much to be like you.  Now you are gone and I am grown.  I have no ( Read more... )

So tonight, wow, really just wow!~ I had fun in ways that I thought I had forgotten.  I didn't need to drink and that felt good.  The only thing is that  I have inhibitions that won't be broken or forgotten.  I miss being able to be like whatever and just going for it.  Now we have habits and they're not easily forgotten or changed.  I miss the way ( Read more... )

 New years eve is here and what can I say.... hmm... resolutions are galore but I don't have a single one that might work except for a not so rare glimmer of finding myself.  If only the world weren't say shy.  Oh and MTV has a 10 second censor delay for the words fuck and stoned!

I don't know why I even bother to try to tell myself that I don't care.  I care way more than I should and I know that and I am not stupid.  Small things used to amuse me.  Now all I can do is try to help you through.  I miss you and you know that yet you don't look deep enough.  If you looked any deeper than the surface you would see that I love ( Read more... )

So this weather sucks! I loath the winter and its cold weather. I've also been thinking lately, does anyone ever really change? Some people say that they are no longer alcoholics yet they still get the urge to drink at the smell of liquor. Others say that they no longer lie or cheat or steal yet the urges are still there. It's like when a guy ( Read more... )

You told me today that you're going to be leaving. Not too soon but too soon for my preference. I have just found you again and now you're leaving. How can I miss so much what I never really had? I feel like I am playing in a losing game. One game where there is no winner for we are both losers. I think that I miss you already. How sad is ( Read more... )

I found out recently that my cousin Brad is enlisting in the Marines. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite but I don't want him to enlist. He's the closet cousin to me. I have memories of the summer that we shared as kids. Him climbing the closet walls, me chasing him around the beach, us knocking heads with a complete stranger in the pool ( Read more... )

Wow! Forgot I still had this thing. Well it is a reunion with my journal and I as the stars. So I guess the following is a post on how life changes and the gains and losses along the way ( Read more... )

So here I am again after a really LONG time. Dunno what to say ( Read more... )

so life has been weird since last year. Got in touch with Sean and things are strained at best. Somehow it feels like I keep getting blown off but what can I say? I'm the past and that is that. Trying to move on. Only one way to go and that's forward.