Comments | calliopealive: spill your heart, i'll pick it up.

calliopealive

spill your heart, i'll pick it up.

May 24, 2007 15:35

TELL ME SOMETHING HEARTBREAKING, TELL ME SOMETHING TRUE, TELL ME SOMETHING STIFILING, TELL ME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE.

JUST TELL ME ANYTHING. ANONYMOUS ONLY.

(i did this a year ago today in my previous journal and i'm feeling nostalgic)

Comments 62

anonymous May 24 2007, 20:48:01 UTC

He told me he was sliding across the continent into my arms.

He got here and changed his mind, but stayed anyway.

I can't help but feel I wasn't enough.

I would have believed in him forever. I would have carried him over the things he feared, if only.

calliopealive May 24 2007, 20:54:42 UTC

i'm sorry. i hate how sometimes love isn't enough. or how you can seemingly fall out of love with someone without any explanation. it's awful on both ends; receiving and delivering. a heart is never an easy thing to return.

anonymous May 24 2007, 21:09:09 UTC

i'm the kind with love that will fill bottles and jars and rooms and buildings. i keep sending this love in every direction, hoping that eventually it'll be enough and not too much. that it'll be just right and in the right key and on the right wavelength. i keep hoping that if i just keep sending then i won't feel so driven to love everyone with every ounce of me ( ... )

calliopealive May 24 2007, 21:29:07 UTC

this is beautiful. and a laugh that is unlike any that i've ever heard: those are always the best kind, aren't they? and yes, it is true you can fall in love with pieces of everyone. the real key is finding that person that you are completley head over heels in love with everything; good, bad, ugly, unseen from anyone else. that itself is a rare find, like stones that minors spend years upon years looking for. sometimes it's far away from you, as far away as you can imagine. other times it's been right under your nose all along and you never even realized it before.

no guidelines can be refreshing, but also leaves a lot of space, a lot of lack that you can either embrace or push away. it all depends on which direction the wind is blowing, in a sense.

anonymous May 24 2007, 21:33:24 UTC

i love him and the way that he loves all the bad parts of me. i love all of his bad parts too. it always reminds me of the time that my close girl friend told me "maturity is simply knowing the appropriate time to be immature." and he's the kind with wonky out of synch parts that only come up at the most appropiate of times. he just goes out of his way to be my protector, my shield, my strength when i just don't have it. and i love his brokeness, his quietness, his loudness. i love inches of him that have yet to be explored.

and i've known it since before i knew him. he's just that one person, that no matter what the relationship, i'll never be able to shake him. i've been dreaming about him since before i knew he really existed.

calliopealive May 24 2007, 21:36:02 UTC

i love inches of him that have yet to be explored is beautiful.

and this: i've been dreaming about him since before i knew he really existed, this i can relate to more than you might know. before i was romantically involved with the man i'm with now, i had dreams of him and i together, where i grab his shaking hands and it feels like twilight (the only word i can imagine to describe it, exactly what i thought in my dreams) and rubbed them lightly. he told me never to let go, and i promised i never would. a few months later we embrace for the first time, and it's just like i dreamed. it feels the same way, just as electric.

Thread 8

anonymous May 24 2007, 21:12:05 UTC

It is beyond me. It has never been of my fleeting nature. But, I just want to be married. I just want to wake up every morning and make someone coffee. And to have someone I can fight with and love regardless. I want someone that has seen my broken pieces and knows how to avoid the shards of glass. I want to hold someone when they are aching. I want to have someone that I don't have to put back together, but wants me to help them. I want someone to push and to push me. I want someone who lets me push back. I want someone to lay outside beneath the stars with to trace their hands and to map out new constellations on their back. I want someone to see the skies across the world with (because even though it's the same, we all know that it's different.) I want to be a mother. I want to tell bedtime stories. I want my back to ache from doing dishes and cleaning house, but it to be in a satisfactory way, because I know that's the way HE likes it. It's so foolish, but I'm so tired of running. I feel so old from all the demons ( ... )

calliopealive May 24 2007, 21:33:09 UTC

this is so incredibly beautiful, it gave me chills to read. and this part: I want someone to lay outside beneath the stars with to trace their hands and to map out new constellations on their back, that part i can relate to the most. constellations of birthmarks, freckles, the way their skin bends or shines in the sunlight, all of it ( ... )

anonymous May 24 2007, 21:34:36 UTC

i think it is so mysterious, because it is obviously so unlike me.
i'm a nomad, a gypsy, a wanderer..

not the stay-at-home-mom type.

calliopealive May 24 2007, 21:37:01 UTC

i have a feeling even if/when you do get married, you won't be the typical stay-at-home mom. you seem to have so much more layers.

Thread 5

anonymous May 25 2007, 03:04:02 UTC

i have the greatest fear to step into the real world and accept a job that i don't even know if i'll like. of course, i want to grow up, but i'm just not ready for the real-life job yet. i still don't feel called to do any one thing in this world.

calliopealive May 25 2007, 13:25:46 UTC

i think i can relate. i bounce from job to job, trying to find some way to incorporate living off of my photographs & writing & traveling vices, but thus far in life i haven't found much that can support me off of that. it's probably because i haven't been to college and it seems these days you have to go to some sort of schooling after high school in order to get set in the job you really want. but i can't fathom being in debt that much (it bothers me tremendously when i owe people money) and maybe in some hidden way i'm afraid. but i've worked so many random jobs, still working them actually, and they may not be what you want them to be at first, but you learn from them and now i'm interested in becoming a jack-of-all-trades sort of person. a little bit of everything until i get what i want. keep looking. take a job but know that you don't have to stay with it. make the job work for you rather than you working for it and remember there are always other options ( ... )

anonymous May 25 2007, 03:24:06 UTC

Last night I had a dream that he died; we were all at his funeral. They were playing bagpipes as they carried in the coffin; he always said he wanted bagpipes played at his funeral. He's not Scottish. Then I woke up and I bawled my eyes out for a very long time. The thought of Death plagues me.

calliopealive May 25 2007, 13:27:32 UTC

supposedley death in dreams is supposed to mean a new beginning. but i know what you mean, i've had dreams like that, where everything seems so real. you wake up thinking it's actually happened, it's like you've been through this horrible tragedy and when you realize it didn't actually happen you start thinking about how you'll have to go through it someday. death intimidates me too, the fact that we know hardly anything about it and it's properties scares the hell out of me.