Go With The Flow (Or Make Your Own) Part 2 for ravenflight21
Part One
"I had a strange dream last night," Arthur suddenly told Merlin one morning, still in bed when Merlin brought breakfast. "And I'm not sure what to make of it."
"Oh?" Merlin asked, feeling his heart give a little jump, joyful that Arthur felt he could confide in him once again.
"I heard Morgana. She told me she was sorry she couldn't speak to me. But she'll be okay," Arthur said slowly, frowning lightly in thought as he tried to recall the dream as best he could. "I haven't seen her for a while."
"I'm sure she'll be fine," Merlin tried to reassure him, feeling the pain that came with missing her himself. "She can look after herself. And she'll make friends with the right people when she needs to, I'm sure."
Arthur just nodded and went very quiet. Merlin didn't hear him speak of it again.
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A week after the Samhain festival was cause for yet another celebration. The throne room had been prepared and polished throughout the night so that everything from the darkest corners of the floor to the very highest point of the ceiling gleamed. Red banners with the golden Pendragon crest upon them hung from the walls and the windows had been cleaned to allow sunlight to stream through even brighter than ever. The floors had been polished until it reflected those who walked upon it and every single chip and scratch and smudge had been wiped from the king's throne.
It was this throne which Arthur knelt before while he recited the oaths which he had taken such great care to learn. His head was bowed solemnly and the long red cape, made brand new for the occasion, was arranged perfectly on the floor behind him.
He gave those oaths for taking over his father's kingdom in front of a packed room. The throne room was large but on that occasion there was barely space to move. Crowded inside were the knights of Camelot, lords and ladies of the court, guards around the edge of the room and the kings and representatives of Camelot's allies. Dotted amongst them were a few leaders from various other tribes and smaller kingdoms who had come to the ceremony as a gesture of good will and peace, hoping that perhaps later they would be able to make a deal with Arthur and form a beneficial truce.
The courtyard outside was crowded with people and even more waited at the edge of the lower town to hear that they once more had a king. And amongst the crowd in the throne room, Merlin stood beside Gwen and clapped along with everybody else when Arthur was given permission to rise with the crown upon his head. King Arthur turned to face his court and Merlin felt his chest swell with pride and a smile of joy stretch across his face. Arthur's eyes went about the room, observing everybody on attendance and giving a few nods of recognition. He looked tired to Merlin, having barely slept the night before, but was smiling and looked happier than he had done ever since before Uther had been struck down with sickness, which seemed so long ago now.
Then Arthur's eyes met Merlin's and lingered for a moment. Merlin felt his stomach go soft and his legs went weak, only just able to keep him upright. The smile on Arthur's face was still there but suddenly softer and there was something deep in his blue eyes.
Their gaze with each other suddenly broke when there was a loud cheer sounding from outside and Arthur's attention was snatched away by it. He looked puzzled at first, then realised that the sound was coming from the courtyard. So a smile burst onto his face and he laughed.
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As was expected, by the time evening began to fall on the day of Arthur's coronation there was a feast in full swing in the celebration hall. While Merlin was in attendance, he barely got to spend any time at Arthur's side as the new king's attention was being taken by so many others. So by the time bellies had been stuffed and ale was flowing freely, Merlin was staying on the other side of the room with Gwen. She too was not serving and was a guest of Arthur's instead, though she, like Merlin, felt very much like a fish out of water surrounded by all those of the court. Usually she would have Lady Morgana to attend to. But not anymore.
So Merlin could see that she was glad of his company as they stood together, slightly apart from the rest of the celebrations, watching as Arthur moved from guest to guest, exchanging smiles and handshakes.
"You never know now," Merlin said, elbowing Gwen lightly to get her attention as Arthur went amongst his knights. "Your Lancelot will come back now that he can be a knight."
"He's not my Lancelot!" Gwen quickly insisted, looking down as a blush coloured her cheeks.
"He would say he is," Merlin nodded. "And you know he would."
"He might not even want to come back," Gwen said with a soft sigh, looking back up at Merlin.
"Of course he will!" Merlin nearly snorted with what he considered to be the absurdity of such a statement. "Everything he has ever wanted and worked towards throughout his life is here. And, on top of all that, so are you."
"Merlin." Gwen sounded as though she was trying to speak in warning, but the blush on her cheeks and the shine to her eyes betrayed that. All the same, and with a smile, Merlin let the subject drop and looked up just as Arthur's eyes were on him. Once again he found his breath stolen and a lump form in his throat as his heart hammered in his chest and warmth spread in his gut.
By the time Arthur looked away half a second later, Merlin's head was spinning and it hurt yet he wanted more.
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As night fell the ale, mead and wine continued to flow, though Merlin was careful to make his one single tankard last as long as he could. Mostly thanks to Gaius keeping an eye on him and just one look from the old physician being enough to keep Merlin in check.
The hour was late, possibly during the early morning and Gwen had already retired back to bed. Merlin offered to accompany her, but Gwen shook her head with a smile and told him that there was no need. She was going back into town with a group of girls from the kitchen. They always went back home together, with the matron amongst them making sure they always got to their doors safely.
Gaius went soon after her, but before he did he told Merlin to keep an eye on Arthur, who was starting to look tired and not always able to keep full balance properly, lightly swaying at times. Not long after that, Merlin decided that Arthur had probably had enough. He seemed to have spoken to all those who wanted his attention and had drifted off to the side of the room to observe the merriness of his new court. Throughout the night the room had steadily emptied but a good few remained, drinking, talking and a few able to dance a little over the floor, although the musicians had stopped a while ago.
Arthur was leaning against the wall and Merlin was suddenly overcome with the feeling that Arthur may be face-down on the floor if it weren't for that. The shadows under the new king's eyes were now rather large and his gaze didn't seem to be focused on anything in particular. Merlin approached him and, once he was by Arthur's side, spoke quietly to him.
"Do you wish to retire for the night, sire?"
"Hmm?" Arthur glanced over to Merlin and his vision seemed to focus on him a little. A half-hearted lop-sided smile appeared on Arthur's face for a moment but then dropped again. "Oh. Well, I get the feeling I should stay and see the whole thing through." Arthur looked out at the celebration hall again and his chest heaved in a sigh. "Although," he continued. "I am King of Camelot now. If I wish to retire, I suppose I'm within my right to."
"Come on then," Merlin said, taking hold of Arthur's arm and tugging lightly. "No need to make a show of it. You just need to slip away. They'll probably notice that you're gone soon and leave themselves."
"Very well," Arthur said, his voice heavy through both tiredness and, Merlin realised, drinking a lot throughout the evening. Merlin could feel his own head buzzing, having never been able to really handle his drink, but Arthur was beginning to look more and more like he would pass out at any moment.
So Merlin led him quietly away, through the servant's entrance so as not to draw any attention to them. He expected Arthur to complain about that but, oddly, he didn't. Then as soon as the door closed behind them and Merlin started to head towards Arthur's chambers, Arthur wormed his arm out of Merlin's grasp and slung it over his shoulders. He leaned his weight into Merlin and groaned.
"Urgh, feels like the whole castle is spinning."
"It's because you drank too much," Merlin said as he tried to pull Arthur's arm in order to hoist him into a better position for stumbling along the dark hallways.
"It was my party," Arthur informed him. "I'm allowed."
Merlin sighed but let the subject drop. Somehow between the pair of them they managed to get to Arthur's chambers and then Arthur nearly slumped off Merlin's shoulders to a pile on the floor when Merlin had to shift him and open the door. Once they were inside and the door had been kicked closed, Merlin dumped Arthur rather unceremoniously onto his bed. Arthur grunted as he landed, then rolled over, reached and managed to hook his fingers in Merlin's jacket.
"Hey," he grumbled. "Have a little more respect for your king."
"You might be king now," Merlin said, folding his arms. "But you're still a prat."
Arthur snorted in what sounded like amusement at that and his eyes closed. "You never change Merlin," he mumbled. "I like that."
"Neither do you," Merlin sighed. "Now is that all?"
"No," Arthur muttered, tugging a little on Merlin's jacket. His eyes opened a little and his vision seemed bleary. "Stay with me, Merlin."
"What for?" Merlin felt a lump form in his throat and something knot tightly in his stomach.
"Because," Arthur shut his eyes and grimaced as though suddenly in pain. "This stupid room is still spinning and the bed is rocking back and forth. I think I feel sea sick. And you're the only steady thing right now. So you need to stay."
Arthur tugged lightly at him but Merlin stood his ground. He looked down at Arthur, still in his new robes, his boots still on his feet and the ceremonial sword still strapped to his polished belt. They served as a nice distraction as Merlin managed to twist out of Arthur's light grip to pull off his boots and belt. Then he managed to sit Arthur up enough to slip away his cloak and jacket. He left the shirt and trousers and draped what he had taken over the nearest chair.
When he turned around, Merlin found that Arthur was watching him through the dark. He was tired and his eyes were only half open. He looked absolutely exhausted and unhappy. Even lonely.
"Merlin," he mumbled, practically groaned, and reached out his arm again.
And Merlin relented, toeing off his boots and dropping his jacket over them before he went back to Arthur and crawled onto the bed next to him. As soon as he lay down, Arthur rolled over to fling one arm over Merlin's chest and rest his head in the crook of his shoulder.
Arthur seemed to fall asleep right away but Merlin remained awake for a long while, staring into the darkness and feeling Arthur's warm breath on his neck. He tries to convince himself that he didn't want this; Arthur practically saying he needed him and the warmth of his body. He tried to tell himself that his head didn't need to spin whenever he felt Arthur breathing against his neck and his chest shouldn't go soft when Arthur's fingers clutched lightly over his shoulders and that something warm did not start to twist in the very pit of his stomach when Arthur shifted and slipped one leg between Merlin's thighs.
He tried to convince himself otherwise. But it didn't work. So it was a long, long night in which he barely slept and Arthur once again seemed to go completely unaware of that.
-------
Merlin managed to drop off to sleep at some point during the night but when he woke up again the sky outside still looked dull. It's an early autumn morning and Merlin guessed he'd only slept for a few hours at best. He felt tired and just wanted to close his eyes and go back to sleep, preferably for another week or so.
But, no, he couldn't. Because it was at that moment when Merlin began considering just borrowing away somewhere for the winter did he feel Arthur pressed up against him. Still practically flopped over him with one leg slipped between Merlin's and one arm thrown over his chest. During the night Arthur had pressed himself against Merlin as much as was possible and so now his mouth was pushed against Merlin's neck. A shudder ran down Merlin's spine when he realised he could feel Arthur's warm breath right against his throat as well as the brush of his lips. Arthur was still fast asleep and every now and again snored gently.
At that point Merlin decided that enough was enough. Arthur may be the King of Camelot now but that apparently changed nothing. He was still an utter prat who only thought about himself most of the time instead of how those closest to him might feel. And why should he? Arthur was royalty, having whatever he wanted his whole life. Merlin was just a servant from a small farming village. Why would Arthur need to give a damn about what he was feeling?
Yeah, something right in the back of Merlin's mind said snidely, you keep telling yourself that.
When Arthur finally started to wake up, it was with a groan as he scrunched his eyes closed and tentatively flexed his muscles, stretching his arms slowly up in the air. As soon as Arthur's arm was off Merlin he slipped away, off from the bed and to his feet on the floor, immediately reaching out to grab his boots and pull them onto his feet.
"Morning," Merlin said quickly. "Do you want breakfast?"
"What?" Arthur mumbled, opening bleary eyes and then quickly shutting them again with a groan. One hand shot up to clutch at his fringe in an attempt to fight off what Merlin presumed was Arthur's second hangover that week. His voice was thick and tired. "Oh, Merlin. Right. Well, I suppose-"
"I'll get it for you then," Merlin said, turning on his heels before Arthur had time to finish his half-awake ramble. As he opened the door to Arthur's chambers, Merlin liked to think that the new king was now watching him leave with an expression of confusion and perhaps, a part of Merlin liked to think, worry.
But he didn't dare turn around to check.
-------
Merlin very swiftly came to the conclusion that if Arthur didn't give a damn about his feelings then neither should he. However, this wasn't an entirely easy decision to come to as it did involve firstly having to admit to himself that he did have some… feelings for Arthur. Feelings which involved actually wanting to sleep in Arthur's bed with him but not when he was so drunk he probably had no idea what he was doing. He wanted Arthur to want Merlin to stay with him for the night and Merlin knew he would agree without a second thought. He wanted to wake up feeling the warm press of Arthur's skin against him and gentle breathing upon his neck which didn't also come with the smell of ale. He wanted to stay by Arthur's side for as long as he was able to and more still. He wanted the feel of his lips, the touch of his hands, those looks that seemed to make his eyes deeper, as though Arthur were baring his entire self to Merlin and Merlin alone.
There were also feelings which made his stomach twist and heat pool right down between his legs and involved a lot of thoughts about fucking Arthur practically anywhere he could think of. Arthur's room, alcoves, the forest, over the table he dined on, the throne…
Those thoughts were filled with Arthur's bare flesh and the film of sweat which covered it. Fingernails dug into Merlin's back, skin pressed together and Arthur's hot mouth was at his neck and lips. In his thoughts Merlin could hear the way Arthur would moan and cry out and all the incoherent things he would gasp into Merlin's shoulder as he began to lose himself.
They weren't easy things to admit and Merlin spent a long time feeling confused, then crushed as he began to cry and then even found himself reduced to humping his battered old mattress, consumed with those thoughts of Arthur because oh god he wanted him.
But no.
When morning came, Merlin pulled himself together and left quickly, grabbing a chunk of bread from the table and hurrying away before Gaius even had a change to notice his pale face and tired swollen eyes. Merlin barely gave anybody the chance to notice things throughout the day, moving quickly, taking on task after task to keep his mind busy and his body at work. Because if that happened he wouldn't think about Arthur and if he didn't think about Arthur that meant he wouldn't think about his feelings towards Arthur.
And if he didn't think about his feelings towards Arthur then surely they would go away in time.
His plan to not let anybody notice what an absolute wreck he looked didn't quite go as he wanted. They did notice. Gwen looked very worried, the kitchen girls tried to grab him to sit him down and ask what was wrong, Leon actually stopped in his patrol to watch Merlin crossing the courtyard with Arthur's breakfast in his arms and even Arthur himself tried to talk to Merlin, first to give him orders and then to ask what was the matter because he didn't seem himself.
And Merlin knew he wasn't acting himself and so, he realised, of course some would notice and worry. That part of the idea had been foolish.
But after gathering his orders from Arthur, Merlin shot away to keep himself busy for the rest of the day, not even letting Arthur properly finish before he was out of the door. That part of the plan did work. Keeping himself occupied for the day barely gave him any room to think and when he did it was about the task at hand. And certainly not Arthur. Gwen approached him a few times, asking what the matter was and if there was anything she could do. But Merlin smiled at her and said he just hadn't slept well the previous night. This was the story he continued to stick to, but each time Gwen left him again she never looked properly convinced.
By the time he was finished for the day Merlin was exhausted. He skipped dinner and went straight to bed. Once he had kicked off his boots, dropped his jacket to the floor and flopped down onto his bed, Merlin heard Gaius sigh heavily from the other side of the door and guilt clutched an icy hand tightly at his chest.
But he thought of nothing more. As soon as Merlin's eyes closed he fell asleep.
Merlin managed to keep it up for about a week and would probably have continued it for the rest of his life if he were able to. He ended each day absolutely exhausted and woke up in the morning still very tired but now he was actually getting things done and that felt great. Plus his feelings for Arthur had to already be slipping away because he'd barely thought about them. He hadn't let himself think about them, so they had to be fading if given no room to grow.
Tired, exhausted and utterly shattered, Merlin was starting to feel quite pleased with himself about the whole thing.
Which, of course, meant that Arthur had to go and spoil it.
One morning, roughly a week after Arthur's coronation, Merlin pushed upon the door to the king's chambers with his shoulder and then entered the room.
"Breakfast," he called, glancing towards the bed and finding that Arthur was not in it.
As he set the tray down upon the table, Merlin heard the sound of thick wood and old hinges swinging closed.
Then something heavy plunged right into the pit of his stomach as he heard the door lock.
He turned to find the door closed and Arthur standing in front of it. He was dressed in dark breeches and a loose red shirt but nothing else. And in his hand he held the key to the door.
"Now perhaps you'll tell me what's going on," Arthur said, in that quiet yet rather angry way. His mouth was set grimly down and he watched Merlin closely, very much like how he watched whatever prey he was stalking in the forest.
"What do you mean?" Merlin blinked, trying to ignore the worry he could feel swelling up from his stomach. He was locked in a room with Arthur, who probably wasn't going to let Merlin have the key or even let it out of his sight for a moment. And the look in Arthur's eyes was one of utter seriousness, knowing what he wanted and being fully prepared to not release Merlin until he had it.
"Don't try to pretend!" Arthur's face darkened as he rolled his eyes. "You've been acting strangely over the past week, Merlin, other people have noticed and it's worrying."
"I've been getting things done!" Merlin argued. "I thought you'd be pleased."
"So did I!" Arthur burst out, throwing his arms up in the air. "But it seems even when you're making the effort to be competent you mess it up! I don't think you have any idea as to just what has been happening all around you. Gaius is going around questioning anybody who has even brushed past you in the street, trying to find out what might be bothering you. Some of my knights have been following you on their duties and Gwen has been to me practically begging that I talk to you because she's worried sick!"
Guilt weighed heavily upon Merlin again. He had seen Gwen's worried looks and knew that Gaius had concerns about the way he had been working himself. But he didn't think it had become that bad already.
"Sorry," he mumbled, his voice small.
"It's not as simple as sorry, Merlin!" Arthur snapped, folding his arms.
"As king you have many duties," Merlin said, finding that he was unable to look Arthur in the eye. Those feelings were starting to creep back up again. Damn! "You don't need me in your way."
"I do have many duties," Arthur agreed. "And you, still as my manservant, have your duties as well. We're both busy people. But until you tell me what you're recent behaviour has actually been about, Merlin, neither of us are leaving this room so nothing will get done. So I suggest you spit it out."
The air in the room was heavy and hot and suddenly Merlin found it hard to breathe. His head spun, desperately trying to find an excuse which Arthur might believe. But nothing seemed good enough.
"What is it, Merlin? You can tell me," Arthur spoke up again. "Has somebody been upsetting you?"
"No," Merlin shook his head and looked at the floor.
"Has somebody hurt you at all?"
"No."
"Whether it's a knight, a noble or a peasant, I can do something about it."
"It isn't."
"Merlin," Arthur sighed. "If it is somebody upsetting you, you can't just let them-"
"Nobody else has done anything!" Merlin interrupted, suddenly finding himself looking up to see Arthur's surprised expression. "Why do you even care about my feelings anyway? You've no cause to!"
Arthur flinched and looked hurt.
"Don't care about you?" he said softly, shaking his head. "What makes think that, Merlin, after everything I have done for you? I went to seek a cure when you were dying, I broke the rules for you, I spent nights in the dungeons because of what I did for you. I always let you ride out with me, wherever I was going, I let you follow me into battle, I fought for you, I protected you. Where did you get the idea that I don't care for you after all that?"
"Why should you?" Merlin asked, though unsure of himself as soon as the words left his mouth. "I'm just a servant."
"If you were just a servant, then I doubt I would have ever done all that I have for you," Arthur told him. "In fact, if you were just a servant, I would have fired you by now and had you kicked out of the castle."
There was a false joy to Arthur's voice, like he was trying to raise a smile. But it failed miserably and only served to thicken the tension Merlin could feel crushing down upon his chest.
"You are far more than just a servant to me, Merlin," Arthur continued, his voice now with a softer edge to it. "You are… well, you're my friend. And I want you to trust me."
"Which is why you throw gauntlets at my head?" said Merlin. He was beginning to sound like a sulky child now but really didn't care.
Arthur sighed and Merlin listened to the soft padding of his feet against the cold stone floor as he crossed the room towards him. Then there was the light scrape of a chair being pulled away from where it was tucked under the table.
"Sit," Arthur simply instructed.
And Merlin did. On the floor. Still looking down at his feet and still feeling very much like an upset little boy.
The eight year-old Will would probably be proud of him.
"I meant on the chair really," Arthur said with a soft sigh to his voice. "But very well."
Arthur sat down on the chair himself, placed the key to the door on the table and leaned forwards to where Merlin was hunched over before him.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you," he said. "Maybe I can be… well, a bit of a prat, as you say, at times. But it seems you've been avoiding me, Merlin."
"Oh, and you haven't?" Merlin said, his voice suddenly with a bitter edge as he looked up at Arthur again. He could feel the backs of his eyes begin to sting but at that point just couldn't bring himself to worry or care. "I understand all the duties you've suddenly found yourself having to take on since your father passed. But you push me away. You only want me close to you when you've had too much to drink and want somebody to keep you upright! You've no place trying to convince me how much you value me when those are your actions!"
He expected Arthur to get angry with him, or at least somewhat irate. Merlin drew in a breath and waited for Arthur to start making excuses and attempts to move the conversation on and decided that he would only get even angrier as soon as he did that.
But it never happened. There was a moment of silence which seemed to drag before Arthur drew in a breath and said;
"I know. I know how I've been recently. And, you're right, it is because I've had much on my mind. Of my duties, but also something else I had to think about."
Merlin's gaze had been drifting down again but now he was looking Arthur right in the eyes, puzzled. Yet there was a lump in his throat which prevented him from asking what it was. Though he was afraid of what the answer might be. Or might not be.
"Do you remember, Merlin, when you told me that I had to do things through love and not through duty?" Arthur asked slowly. "Well, I was thinking of that. And I made my choice. But I needed to be sure of one more thing first."
"Oh?" was all Merlin was able to squeak out. Once again his head was spinning and his stomach was squeezing painfully as he wondered whether or not this was actually happening.
And then Arthur slid off his chair and knelt beside Merlin on the floor, so close their knees touched together. Merlin's stomach did a flip and heat began to pound through his body. He just knew he was blushing and that any second now Arthur would laugh about it.
But he didn't. Instead he sighed again and muttered; "honestly, do I have to do everything?"
Merlin's mouth twitched as he tried to come up with some sort of response. But he never got the chance. One of Arthur's arms was suddenly looped around his back and the other hand was on his shoulder to gently turn him around and angle him so that Arthur could dip his head forwards and then kiss Merlin on the mouth.
Something heavy plunged from Merlin's chest right down to the pit of his stomach. His head was spinning and felt light, as though it were all a dream, a wild fantasy, a drunken hallucination. But, no, there were Arthur's fingers clutching at his shoulders with a slight quiver, the scratch of stubble which needed to be shaved away once again scraping at his cheek, the brush of blond hair against his forehead and, most importantly, Arthur's lips on his. With a touch with was gentle, strangely cautious and even a little shy. Yet it still took Merlin's breath away and made his heart pound in his chest and his legs completely turn to jelly.
Then, as soon as that sudden, strange and wonderful moment started it stopped. Arthur pulled away and Merlin could only stare for a moment. Stare at the red of Arthur's lips and the tinge of colour which had suddenly appeared upon the king's cheeks. Arthur was watching Merlin back, waiting, looking tense.
Merlin opened his mouth but his lips opened and closed a few times before he was able to form the words and start trying to force them out. And even then he only got as far as; "so…"
"So?" Arthur cocked his head to the side, still watching Merlin and waiting.
"You…" Merlin tried to get his breathing under control but wasn't having much luck. "So you… erm… you…"
"Yes," Arthur nodded, answering the question Merlin suddenly didn't dare ask, although now it really was obvious. "Did I guess correctly?"
Merlin raised his head a little to nod his head. But then he couldn't. Instead he asked; "and Gwen?"
Arthur's face fell and he hung his head a little to shake it. "She is not who my feelings go to, Merlin. Surely I've just shown you that."
"But what of Camelot? You will need an heir," Merlin breathed, mentally kicking himself for even having such concerns at a time like this, let along voicing them. But he couldn't stop and was quickly becoming so afraid that Arthur would suddenly stand and tell him that they should just forget the whole thing ever happened.
Yet Arthur stayed exactly where he was, still holding Merlin in his arms and his grip tightened. "We'll find a way," he said. Then a smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "Come on, let's not try ruining something which hasn't even really started yet."
Merlin agreed and at the same moment he felt something inside him suddenly snap. He grabbed the front of Arthur's shirt to pull him close and kiss him once again in an action which was rushed and sloppy and missed at first, only getting Arthur at the very corner of his mouth. But Arthur managed to twist in Merlin's grip and kissed him on the mouth, wrapping his arms around Merlin's shoulders and twisting his fingers up into his hair. At first Arthur was somewhat awkwardly on Merlin's lap and their knees were digging into each other. But then Arthur pushed his weight forwards and they fell in to the floor in a mess of tangled limbs, hands pushed beneath clothes and mouths pressing against any part of flesh they could reach.
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The haze finally lifted and some sort of sense began to return to Merlin at some point during the middle of the afternoon. Or at least he thought it was. For all he knew it could be morning of the next day or even the afternoon of the next week. Arthur had kissed him and then he had completely lost track of time.
They had made their way to the bed at some point, amongst all the pushing clothes away to touch at each other's skin and wanting to wind their limbs around each other's bodies. Merlin could only just remember that and then his back hitting the covers of Arthur's bed.
And then it was all a blur. Of fingers in hair, twisting and winding, trying for a better grip so they could tug and pull and come closer together. Flesh pressed as close as it could against such needy flesh until Merlin had felt every shudder through Arthur's body, every pound of his heartbeat and every twitch of arousal against his thigh. Palms pressed and fingers touched wherever they could reach, through hair, behind ears, around stomachs, up thighs and then, oh god, up inside him to make Merlin whine and buck his hips. Then there was Arthur's mouth, hot and pressing against Merlin's neck and shoulders and then his lips, tongues tangling to stop the groans and cries from becoming too loud.
As he moaned softly at the very memory of it all, Merlin found himself idly brushing his fingers against his collarbones. There would probably be marks there, he thought to himself. After all the times Arthur had kissed him hard against the skin of his neck and scraped his teeth down. Arthur himself would bare a few marks after how tightly Merlin had clung to his shoulders and dragged his fingernails up and down his back.
And there would be a lot of work to catch up on later and, frankly, it was a surprise to Merlin that nobody had come to find them yet. But, at that moment, it really didn't matter.
He looked over to Arthur, who slept peacefully beside him. The covers were thrown over his legs and most of his hips, but Merlin still had full view of his stomach and chest. There were some red marks upon him which were from Merlin's mouth and hands, some of which would fade within a few hours and some which would remain for a few days. Arthur's fringe was mussed against his forehead and his lips were swollen but as he slept there was still a small content smile upon his face.
He loved him. For all his mistakes and faults and general prattishness, Merlin had fallen for him hard and loved him so much.
Merlin smiled back at Arthur's sleeping form. But then a thought struck him.
Arthur, there's something else you need to know about me.
If Arthur was to truly unite Camelot with Albion, he would have to find out about Merlin being a warlock sooner or later.
But Merlin found himself dismissing the thought for now as he settled back down beside Arthur to doze a little more.
Arthur would know when the time was right and until then Merlin was prepared to wait a little longer.
END
"I had a strange dream last night," Arthur suddenly told Merlin one morning, still in bed when Merlin brought breakfast. "And I'm not sure what to make of it."
"Oh?" Merlin asked, feeling his heart give a little jump, joyful that Arthur felt he could confide in him once again.
"I heard Morgana. She told me she was sorry she couldn't speak to me. But she'll be okay," Arthur said slowly, frowning lightly in thought as he tried to recall the dream as best he could. "I haven't seen her for a while."
"I'm sure she'll be fine," Merlin tried to reassure him, feeling the pain that came with missing her himself. "She can look after herself. And she'll make friends with the right people when she needs to, I'm sure."
Arthur just nodded and went very quiet. Merlin didn't hear him speak of it again.
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A week after the Samhain festival was cause for yet another celebration. The throne room had been prepared and polished throughout the night so that everything from the darkest corners of the floor to the very highest point of the ceiling gleamed. Red banners with the golden Pendragon crest upon them hung from the walls and the windows had been cleaned to allow sunlight to stream through even brighter than ever. The floors had been polished until it reflected those who walked upon it and every single chip and scratch and smudge had been wiped from the king's throne.
It was this throne which Arthur knelt before while he recited the oaths which he had taken such great care to learn. His head was bowed solemnly and the long red cape, made brand new for the occasion, was arranged perfectly on the floor behind him.
He gave those oaths for taking over his father's kingdom in front of a packed room. The throne room was large but on that occasion there was barely space to move. Crowded inside were the knights of Camelot, lords and ladies of the court, guards around the edge of the room and the kings and representatives of Camelot's allies. Dotted amongst them were a few leaders from various other tribes and smaller kingdoms who had come to the ceremony as a gesture of good will and peace, hoping that perhaps later they would be able to make a deal with Arthur and form a beneficial truce.
The courtyard outside was crowded with people and even more waited at the edge of the lower town to hear that they once more had a king. And amongst the crowd in the throne room, Merlin stood beside Gwen and clapped along with everybody else when Arthur was given permission to rise with the crown upon his head. King Arthur turned to face his court and Merlin felt his chest swell with pride and a smile of joy stretch across his face. Arthur's eyes went about the room, observing everybody on attendance and giving a few nods of recognition. He looked tired to Merlin, having barely slept the night before, but was smiling and looked happier than he had done ever since before Uther had been struck down with sickness, which seemed so long ago now.
Then Arthur's eyes met Merlin's and lingered for a moment. Merlin felt his stomach go soft and his legs went weak, only just able to keep him upright. The smile on Arthur's face was still there but suddenly softer and there was something deep in his blue eyes.
Their gaze with each other suddenly broke when there was a loud cheer sounding from outside and Arthur's attention was snatched away by it. He looked puzzled at first, then realised that the sound was coming from the courtyard. So a smile burst onto his face and he laughed.
-------
As was expected, by the time evening began to fall on the day of Arthur's coronation there was a feast in full swing in the celebration hall. While Merlin was in attendance, he barely got to spend any time at Arthur's side as the new king's attention was being taken by so many others. So by the time bellies had been stuffed and ale was flowing freely, Merlin was staying on the other side of the room with Gwen. She too was not serving and was a guest of Arthur's instead, though she, like Merlin, felt very much like a fish out of water surrounded by all those of the court. Usually she would have Lady Morgana to attend to. But not anymore.
So Merlin could see that she was glad of his company as they stood together, slightly apart from the rest of the celebrations, watching as Arthur moved from guest to guest, exchanging smiles and handshakes.
"You never know now," Merlin said, elbowing Gwen lightly to get her attention as Arthur went amongst his knights. "Your Lancelot will come back now that he can be a knight."
"He's not my Lancelot!" Gwen quickly insisted, looking down as a blush coloured her cheeks.
"He would say he is," Merlin nodded. "And you know he would."
"He might not even want to come back," Gwen said with a soft sigh, looking back up at Merlin.
"Of course he will!" Merlin nearly snorted with what he considered to be the absurdity of such a statement. "Everything he has ever wanted and worked towards throughout his life is here. And, on top of all that, so are you."
"Merlin." Gwen sounded as though she was trying to speak in warning, but the blush on her cheeks and the shine to her eyes betrayed that. All the same, and with a smile, Merlin let the subject drop and looked up just as Arthur's eyes were on him. Once again he found his breath stolen and a lump form in his throat as his heart hammered in his chest and warmth spread in his gut.
By the time Arthur looked away half a second later, Merlin's head was spinning and it hurt yet he wanted more.
-------
As night fell the ale, mead and wine continued to flow, though Merlin was careful to make his one single tankard last as long as he could. Mostly thanks to Gaius keeping an eye on him and just one look from the old physician being enough to keep Merlin in check.
The hour was late, possibly during the early morning and Gwen had already retired back to bed. Merlin offered to accompany her, but Gwen shook her head with a smile and told him that there was no need. She was going back into town with a group of girls from the kitchen. They always went back home together, with the matron amongst them making sure they always got to their doors safely.
Gaius went soon after her, but before he did he told Merlin to keep an eye on Arthur, who was starting to look tired and not always able to keep full balance properly, lightly swaying at times. Not long after that, Merlin decided that Arthur had probably had enough. He seemed to have spoken to all those who wanted his attention and had drifted off to the side of the room to observe the merriness of his new court. Throughout the night the room had steadily emptied but a good few remained, drinking, talking and a few able to dance a little over the floor, although the musicians had stopped a while ago.
Arthur was leaning against the wall and Merlin was suddenly overcome with the feeling that Arthur may be face-down on the floor if it weren't for that. The shadows under the new king's eyes were now rather large and his gaze didn't seem to be focused on anything in particular. Merlin approached him and, once he was by Arthur's side, spoke quietly to him.
"Do you wish to retire for the night, sire?"
"Hmm?" Arthur glanced over to Merlin and his vision seemed to focus on him a little. A half-hearted lop-sided smile appeared on Arthur's face for a moment but then dropped again. "Oh. Well, I get the feeling I should stay and see the whole thing through." Arthur looked out at the celebration hall again and his chest heaved in a sigh. "Although," he continued. "I am King of Camelot now. If I wish to retire, I suppose I'm within my right to."
"Come on then," Merlin said, taking hold of Arthur's arm and tugging lightly. "No need to make a show of it. You just need to slip away. They'll probably notice that you're gone soon and leave themselves."
"Very well," Arthur said, his voice heavy through both tiredness and, Merlin realised, drinking a lot throughout the evening. Merlin could feel his own head buzzing, having never been able to really handle his drink, but Arthur was beginning to look more and more like he would pass out at any moment.
So Merlin led him quietly away, through the servant's entrance so as not to draw any attention to them. He expected Arthur to complain about that but, oddly, he didn't. Then as soon as the door closed behind them and Merlin started to head towards Arthur's chambers, Arthur wormed his arm out of Merlin's grasp and slung it over his shoulders. He leaned his weight into Merlin and groaned.
"Urgh, feels like the whole castle is spinning."
"It's because you drank too much," Merlin said as he tried to pull Arthur's arm in order to hoist him into a better position for stumbling along the dark hallways.
"It was my party," Arthur informed him. "I'm allowed."
Merlin sighed but let the subject drop. Somehow between the pair of them they managed to get to Arthur's chambers and then Arthur nearly slumped off Merlin's shoulders to a pile on the floor when Merlin had to shift him and open the door. Once they were inside and the door had been kicked closed, Merlin dumped Arthur rather unceremoniously onto his bed. Arthur grunted as he landed, then rolled over, reached and managed to hook his fingers in Merlin's jacket.
"Hey," he grumbled. "Have a little more respect for your king."
"You might be king now," Merlin said, folding his arms. "But you're still a prat."
Arthur snorted in what sounded like amusement at that and his eyes closed. "You never change Merlin," he mumbled. "I like that."
"Neither do you," Merlin sighed. "Now is that all?"
"No," Arthur muttered, tugging a little on Merlin's jacket. His eyes opened a little and his vision seemed bleary. "Stay with me, Merlin."
"What for?" Merlin felt a lump form in his throat and something knot tightly in his stomach.
"Because," Arthur shut his eyes and grimaced as though suddenly in pain. "This stupid room is still spinning and the bed is rocking back and forth. I think I feel sea sick. And you're the only steady thing right now. So you need to stay."
Arthur tugged lightly at him but Merlin stood his ground. He looked down at Arthur, still in his new robes, his boots still on his feet and the ceremonial sword still strapped to his polished belt. They served as a nice distraction as Merlin managed to twist out of Arthur's light grip to pull off his boots and belt. Then he managed to sit Arthur up enough to slip away his cloak and jacket. He left the shirt and trousers and draped what he had taken over the nearest chair.
When he turned around, Merlin found that Arthur was watching him through the dark. He was tired and his eyes were only half open. He looked absolutely exhausted and unhappy. Even lonely.
"Merlin," he mumbled, practically groaned, and reached out his arm again.
And Merlin relented, toeing off his boots and dropping his jacket over them before he went back to Arthur and crawled onto the bed next to him. As soon as he lay down, Arthur rolled over to fling one arm over Merlin's chest and rest his head in the crook of his shoulder.
Arthur seemed to fall asleep right away but Merlin remained awake for a long while, staring into the darkness and feeling Arthur's warm breath on his neck. He tries to convince himself that he didn't want this; Arthur practically saying he needed him and the warmth of his body. He tried to tell himself that his head didn't need to spin whenever he felt Arthur breathing against his neck and his chest shouldn't go soft when Arthur's fingers clutched lightly over his shoulders and that something warm did not start to twist in the very pit of his stomach when Arthur shifted and slipped one leg between Merlin's thighs.
He tried to convince himself otherwise. But it didn't work. So it was a long, long night in which he barely slept and Arthur once again seemed to go completely unaware of that.
-------
Merlin managed to drop off to sleep at some point during the night but when he woke up again the sky outside still looked dull. It's an early autumn morning and Merlin guessed he'd only slept for a few hours at best. He felt tired and just wanted to close his eyes and go back to sleep, preferably for another week or so.
But, no, he couldn't. Because it was at that moment when Merlin began considering just borrowing away somewhere for the winter did he feel Arthur pressed up against him. Still practically flopped over him with one leg slipped between Merlin's and one arm thrown over his chest. During the night Arthur had pressed himself against Merlin as much as was possible and so now his mouth was pushed against Merlin's neck. A shudder ran down Merlin's spine when he realised he could feel Arthur's warm breath right against his throat as well as the brush of his lips. Arthur was still fast asleep and every now and again snored gently.
At that point Merlin decided that enough was enough. Arthur may be the King of Camelot now but that apparently changed nothing. He was still an utter prat who only thought about himself most of the time instead of how those closest to him might feel. And why should he? Arthur was royalty, having whatever he wanted his whole life. Merlin was just a servant from a small farming village. Why would Arthur need to give a damn about what he was feeling?
Yeah, something right in the back of Merlin's mind said snidely, you keep telling yourself that.
When Arthur finally started to wake up, it was with a groan as he scrunched his eyes closed and tentatively flexed his muscles, stretching his arms slowly up in the air. As soon as Arthur's arm was off Merlin he slipped away, off from the bed and to his feet on the floor, immediately reaching out to grab his boots and pull them onto his feet.
"Morning," Merlin said quickly. "Do you want breakfast?"
"What?" Arthur mumbled, opening bleary eyes and then quickly shutting them again with a groan. One hand shot up to clutch at his fringe in an attempt to fight off what Merlin presumed was Arthur's second hangover that week. His voice was thick and tired. "Oh, Merlin. Right. Well, I suppose-"
"I'll get it for you then," Merlin said, turning on his heels before Arthur had time to finish his half-awake ramble. As he opened the door to Arthur's chambers, Merlin liked to think that the new king was now watching him leave with an expression of confusion and perhaps, a part of Merlin liked to think, worry.
But he didn't dare turn around to check.
-------
Merlin very swiftly came to the conclusion that if Arthur didn't give a damn about his feelings then neither should he. However, this wasn't an entirely easy decision to come to as it did involve firstly having to admit to himself that he did have some… feelings for Arthur. Feelings which involved actually wanting to sleep in Arthur's bed with him but not when he was so drunk he probably had no idea what he was doing. He wanted Arthur to want Merlin to stay with him for the night and Merlin knew he would agree without a second thought. He wanted to wake up feeling the warm press of Arthur's skin against him and gentle breathing upon his neck which didn't also come with the smell of ale. He wanted to stay by Arthur's side for as long as he was able to and more still. He wanted the feel of his lips, the touch of his hands, those looks that seemed to make his eyes deeper, as though Arthur were baring his entire self to Merlin and Merlin alone.
There were also feelings which made his stomach twist and heat pool right down between his legs and involved a lot of thoughts about fucking Arthur practically anywhere he could think of. Arthur's room, alcoves, the forest, over the table he dined on, the throne…
Those thoughts were filled with Arthur's bare flesh and the film of sweat which covered it. Fingernails dug into Merlin's back, skin pressed together and Arthur's hot mouth was at his neck and lips. In his thoughts Merlin could hear the way Arthur would moan and cry out and all the incoherent things he would gasp into Merlin's shoulder as he began to lose himself.
They weren't easy things to admit and Merlin spent a long time feeling confused, then crushed as he began to cry and then even found himself reduced to humping his battered old mattress, consumed with those thoughts of Arthur because oh god he wanted him.
But no.
When morning came, Merlin pulled himself together and left quickly, grabbing a chunk of bread from the table and hurrying away before Gaius even had a change to notice his pale face and tired swollen eyes. Merlin barely gave anybody the chance to notice things throughout the day, moving quickly, taking on task after task to keep his mind busy and his body at work. Because if that happened he wouldn't think about Arthur and if he didn't think about Arthur that meant he wouldn't think about his feelings towards Arthur.
And if he didn't think about his feelings towards Arthur then surely they would go away in time.
His plan to not let anybody notice what an absolute wreck he looked didn't quite go as he wanted. They did notice. Gwen looked very worried, the kitchen girls tried to grab him to sit him down and ask what was wrong, Leon actually stopped in his patrol to watch Merlin crossing the courtyard with Arthur's breakfast in his arms and even Arthur himself tried to talk to Merlin, first to give him orders and then to ask what was the matter because he didn't seem himself.
And Merlin knew he wasn't acting himself and so, he realised, of course some would notice and worry. That part of the idea had been foolish.
But after gathering his orders from Arthur, Merlin shot away to keep himself busy for the rest of the day, not even letting Arthur properly finish before he was out of the door. That part of the plan did work. Keeping himself occupied for the day barely gave him any room to think and when he did it was about the task at hand. And certainly not Arthur. Gwen approached him a few times, asking what the matter was and if there was anything she could do. But Merlin smiled at her and said he just hadn't slept well the previous night. This was the story he continued to stick to, but each time Gwen left him again she never looked properly convinced.
By the time he was finished for the day Merlin was exhausted. He skipped dinner and went straight to bed. Once he had kicked off his boots, dropped his jacket to the floor and flopped down onto his bed, Merlin heard Gaius sigh heavily from the other side of the door and guilt clutched an icy hand tightly at his chest.
But he thought of nothing more. As soon as Merlin's eyes closed he fell asleep.
Merlin managed to keep it up for about a week and would probably have continued it for the rest of his life if he were able to. He ended each day absolutely exhausted and woke up in the morning still very tired but now he was actually getting things done and that felt great. Plus his feelings for Arthur had to already be slipping away because he'd barely thought about them. He hadn't let himself think about them, so they had to be fading if given no room to grow.
Tired, exhausted and utterly shattered, Merlin was starting to feel quite pleased with himself about the whole thing.
Which, of course, meant that Arthur had to go and spoil it.
One morning, roughly a week after Arthur's coronation, Merlin pushed upon the door to the king's chambers with his shoulder and then entered the room.
"Breakfast," he called, glancing towards the bed and finding that Arthur was not in it.
As he set the tray down upon the table, Merlin heard the sound of thick wood and old hinges swinging closed.
Then something heavy plunged right into the pit of his stomach as he heard the door lock.
He turned to find the door closed and Arthur standing in front of it. He was dressed in dark breeches and a loose red shirt but nothing else. And in his hand he held the key to the door.
"Now perhaps you'll tell me what's going on," Arthur said, in that quiet yet rather angry way. His mouth was set grimly down and he watched Merlin closely, very much like how he watched whatever prey he was stalking in the forest.
"What do you mean?" Merlin blinked, trying to ignore the worry he could feel swelling up from his stomach. He was locked in a room with Arthur, who probably wasn't going to let Merlin have the key or even let it out of his sight for a moment. And the look in Arthur's eyes was one of utter seriousness, knowing what he wanted and being fully prepared to not release Merlin until he had it.
"Don't try to pretend!" Arthur's face darkened as he rolled his eyes. "You've been acting strangely over the past week, Merlin, other people have noticed and it's worrying."
"I've been getting things done!" Merlin argued. "I thought you'd be pleased."
"So did I!" Arthur burst out, throwing his arms up in the air. "But it seems even when you're making the effort to be competent you mess it up! I don't think you have any idea as to just what has been happening all around you. Gaius is going around questioning anybody who has even brushed past you in the street, trying to find out what might be bothering you. Some of my knights have been following you on their duties and Gwen has been to me practically begging that I talk to you because she's worried sick!"
Guilt weighed heavily upon Merlin again. He had seen Gwen's worried looks and knew that Gaius had concerns about the way he had been working himself. But he didn't think it had become that bad already.
"Sorry," he mumbled, his voice small.
"It's not as simple as sorry, Merlin!" Arthur snapped, folding his arms.
"As king you have many duties," Merlin said, finding that he was unable to look Arthur in the eye. Those feelings were starting to creep back up again. Damn! "You don't need me in your way."
"I do have many duties," Arthur agreed. "And you, still as my manservant, have your duties as well. We're both busy people. But until you tell me what you're recent behaviour has actually been about, Merlin, neither of us are leaving this room so nothing will get done. So I suggest you spit it out."
The air in the room was heavy and hot and suddenly Merlin found it hard to breathe. His head spun, desperately trying to find an excuse which Arthur might believe. But nothing seemed good enough.
"What is it, Merlin? You can tell me," Arthur spoke up again. "Has somebody been upsetting you?"
"No," Merlin shook his head and looked at the floor.
"Has somebody hurt you at all?"
"No."
"Whether it's a knight, a noble or a peasant, I can do something about it."
"It isn't."
"Merlin," Arthur sighed. "If it is somebody upsetting you, you can't just let them-"
"Nobody else has done anything!" Merlin interrupted, suddenly finding himself looking up to see Arthur's surprised expression. "Why do you even care about my feelings anyway? You've no cause to!"
Arthur flinched and looked hurt.
"Don't care about you?" he said softly, shaking his head. "What makes think that, Merlin, after everything I have done for you? I went to seek a cure when you were dying, I broke the rules for you, I spent nights in the dungeons because of what I did for you. I always let you ride out with me, wherever I was going, I let you follow me into battle, I fought for you, I protected you. Where did you get the idea that I don't care for you after all that?"
"Why should you?" Merlin asked, though unsure of himself as soon as the words left his mouth. "I'm just a servant."
"If you were just a servant, then I doubt I would have ever done all that I have for you," Arthur told him. "In fact, if you were just a servant, I would have fired you by now and had you kicked out of the castle."
There was a false joy to Arthur's voice, like he was trying to raise a smile. But it failed miserably and only served to thicken the tension Merlin could feel crushing down upon his chest.
"You are far more than just a servant to me, Merlin," Arthur continued, his voice now with a softer edge to it. "You are… well, you're my friend. And I want you to trust me."
"Which is why you throw gauntlets at my head?" said Merlin. He was beginning to sound like a sulky child now but really didn't care.
Arthur sighed and Merlin listened to the soft padding of his feet against the cold stone floor as he crossed the room towards him. Then there was the light scrape of a chair being pulled away from where it was tucked under the table.
"Sit," Arthur simply instructed.
And Merlin did. On the floor. Still looking down at his feet and still feeling very much like an upset little boy.
The eight year-old Will would probably be proud of him.
"I meant on the chair really," Arthur said with a soft sigh to his voice. "But very well."
Arthur sat down on the chair himself, placed the key to the door on the table and leaned forwards to where Merlin was hunched over before him.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you," he said. "Maybe I can be… well, a bit of a prat, as you say, at times. But it seems you've been avoiding me, Merlin."
"Oh, and you haven't?" Merlin said, his voice suddenly with a bitter edge as he looked up at Arthur again. He could feel the backs of his eyes begin to sting but at that point just couldn't bring himself to worry or care. "I understand all the duties you've suddenly found yourself having to take on since your father passed. But you push me away. You only want me close to you when you've had too much to drink and want somebody to keep you upright! You've no place trying to convince me how much you value me when those are your actions!"
He expected Arthur to get angry with him, or at least somewhat irate. Merlin drew in a breath and waited for Arthur to start making excuses and attempts to move the conversation on and decided that he would only get even angrier as soon as he did that.
But it never happened. There was a moment of silence which seemed to drag before Arthur drew in a breath and said;
"I know. I know how I've been recently. And, you're right, it is because I've had much on my mind. Of my duties, but also something else I had to think about."
Merlin's gaze had been drifting down again but now he was looking Arthur right in the eyes, puzzled. Yet there was a lump in his throat which prevented him from asking what it was. Though he was afraid of what the answer might be. Or might not be.
"Do you remember, Merlin, when you told me that I had to do things through love and not through duty?" Arthur asked slowly. "Well, I was thinking of that. And I made my choice. But I needed to be sure of one more thing first."
"Oh?" was all Merlin was able to squeak out. Once again his head was spinning and his stomach was squeezing painfully as he wondered whether or not this was actually happening.
And then Arthur slid off his chair and knelt beside Merlin on the floor, so close their knees touched together. Merlin's stomach did a flip and heat began to pound through his body. He just knew he was blushing and that any second now Arthur would laugh about it.
But he didn't. Instead he sighed again and muttered; "honestly, do I have to do everything?"
Merlin's mouth twitched as he tried to come up with some sort of response. But he never got the chance. One of Arthur's arms was suddenly looped around his back and the other hand was on his shoulder to gently turn him around and angle him so that Arthur could dip his head forwards and then kiss Merlin on the mouth.
Something heavy plunged from Merlin's chest right down to the pit of his stomach. His head was spinning and felt light, as though it were all a dream, a wild fantasy, a drunken hallucination. But, no, there were Arthur's fingers clutching at his shoulders with a slight quiver, the scratch of stubble which needed to be shaved away once again scraping at his cheek, the brush of blond hair against his forehead and, most importantly, Arthur's lips on his. With a touch with was gentle, strangely cautious and even a little shy. Yet it still took Merlin's breath away and made his heart pound in his chest and his legs completely turn to jelly.
Then, as soon as that sudden, strange and wonderful moment started it stopped. Arthur pulled away and Merlin could only stare for a moment. Stare at the red of Arthur's lips and the tinge of colour which had suddenly appeared upon the king's cheeks. Arthur was watching Merlin back, waiting, looking tense.
Merlin opened his mouth but his lips opened and closed a few times before he was able to form the words and start trying to force them out. And even then he only got as far as; "so…"
"So?" Arthur cocked his head to the side, still watching Merlin and waiting.
"You…" Merlin tried to get his breathing under control but wasn't having much luck. "So you… erm… you…"
"Yes," Arthur nodded, answering the question Merlin suddenly didn't dare ask, although now it really was obvious. "Did I guess correctly?"
Merlin raised his head a little to nod his head. But then he couldn't. Instead he asked; "and Gwen?"
Arthur's face fell and he hung his head a little to shake it. "She is not who my feelings go to, Merlin. Surely I've just shown you that."
"But what of Camelot? You will need an heir," Merlin breathed, mentally kicking himself for even having such concerns at a time like this, let along voicing them. But he couldn't stop and was quickly becoming so afraid that Arthur would suddenly stand and tell him that they should just forget the whole thing ever happened.
Yet Arthur stayed exactly where he was, still holding Merlin in his arms and his grip tightened. "We'll find a way," he said. Then a smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "Come on, let's not try ruining something which hasn't even really started yet."
Merlin agreed and at the same moment he felt something inside him suddenly snap. He grabbed the front of Arthur's shirt to pull him close and kiss him once again in an action which was rushed and sloppy and missed at first, only getting Arthur at the very corner of his mouth. But Arthur managed to twist in Merlin's grip and kissed him on the mouth, wrapping his arms around Merlin's shoulders and twisting his fingers up into his hair. At first Arthur was somewhat awkwardly on Merlin's lap and their knees were digging into each other. But then Arthur pushed his weight forwards and they fell in to the floor in a mess of tangled limbs, hands pushed beneath clothes and mouths pressing against any part of flesh they could reach.
-------
The haze finally lifted and some sort of sense began to return to Merlin at some point during the middle of the afternoon. Or at least he thought it was. For all he knew it could be morning of the next day or even the afternoon of the next week. Arthur had kissed him and then he had completely lost track of time.
They had made their way to the bed at some point, amongst all the pushing clothes away to touch at each other's skin and wanting to wind their limbs around each other's bodies. Merlin could only just remember that and then his back hitting the covers of Arthur's bed.
And then it was all a blur. Of fingers in hair, twisting and winding, trying for a better grip so they could tug and pull and come closer together. Flesh pressed as close as it could against such needy flesh until Merlin had felt every shudder through Arthur's body, every pound of his heartbeat and every twitch of arousal against his thigh. Palms pressed and fingers touched wherever they could reach, through hair, behind ears, around stomachs, up thighs and then, oh god, up inside him to make Merlin whine and buck his hips. Then there was Arthur's mouth, hot and pressing against Merlin's neck and shoulders and then his lips, tongues tangling to stop the groans and cries from becoming too loud.
As he moaned softly at the very memory of it all, Merlin found himself idly brushing his fingers against his collarbones. There would probably be marks there, he thought to himself. After all the times Arthur had kissed him hard against the skin of his neck and scraped his teeth down. Arthur himself would bare a few marks after how tightly Merlin had clung to his shoulders and dragged his fingernails up and down his back.
And there would be a lot of work to catch up on later and, frankly, it was a surprise to Merlin that nobody had come to find them yet. But, at that moment, it really didn't matter.
He looked over to Arthur, who slept peacefully beside him. The covers were thrown over his legs and most of his hips, but Merlin still had full view of his stomach and chest. There were some red marks upon him which were from Merlin's mouth and hands, some of which would fade within a few hours and some which would remain for a few days. Arthur's fringe was mussed against his forehead and his lips were swollen but as he slept there was still a small content smile upon his face.
He loved him. For all his mistakes and faults and general prattishness, Merlin had fallen for him hard and loved him so much.
Merlin smiled back at Arthur's sleeping form. But then a thought struck him.
Arthur, there's something else you need to know about me.
If Arthur was to truly unite Camelot with Albion, he would have to find out about Merlin being a warlock sooner or later.
But Merlin found himself dismissing the thought for now as he settled back down beside Arthur to doze a little more.
Arthur would know when the time was right and until then Merlin was prepared to wait a little longer.
END