Ending 1 Chapter 1004 Part 2 section 2 of 5
“So....tell me about this morning,” Judy said as they all sat down.
Jack picked a pencil off of the top of her coffee table and began tapping it against his knee, while looking out the window, just waiting for the shoe to drop.
“Well...” Sydney began. “Dad said goodbye to Irina.” Jack nodded, but said nothing, so Sydney continued, “And I said some things I needed to say. You would probably say, Dr. Barnett, that I had some closure.”
“Good. And what else---”
“Dad, why, now are you making no objections to my interacting with Derevko?” Sydney asked, deciding to warm up with this question before asking the big one that was bouncing around her mind like a particularly-loud ping pong ball.
“I have decided to have faith in you, your judgment,” Jack answered.
“Decided....” Sydney said thoughtfully, as Barnett raised her eyebrows at Sydney’s astute observation. “You don’t just trust automatically, do you?”
“No. I don’t. I have what psychobabblists call trust issues,” Jack said, shifting around uncomfortably in his seat.
“Psychobabblists?” Judy and Sydney echoed and smiled at each other.
“But you must have reservations...” Sydney noted.
“I...” What would be the best way to answer this question, he thought, as he tapped the pencil harder against his knee.
“Dad...The truth.” Sydney reached out and snatched the pencil away from him. “The complete truth, all of it. I can take it. Don’t try and think of a way to sugarcoat it to...assuage my...childish attitudes in the past. I saw her today, heard her. I know she...mocked you for not manipulating me better to persuade me not to see her before or now. I get it. Believe me I get it now.”
Jack nodded. “Fine, if you tell me you are mature enough to hear this, I will tell you the truth. I do have reservations. In the sense, that I don’t think she will change. I think she will try and find, sooner or later, some way to use you for her own purposes. And it makes me sick inside to think about you being hurt again. But I am going to trust that you will see her for what she is, whatever that may be. I am just going to make that choice, to trust you. You are an adult with a good head on your shoulders. So...there it is.”
“Thank you, Dad,” Sydney said, putting a hand out to cover his. “But, the truth is, I don’t want to talk about Derevko now,” Sydney said firmly.
“You don’t?” both Judy and Jack asked in unison.
“No. I want to talk about you, Dad.”
“You do?” Jack asked in surprise, while Judy thought to herself, ‘About time!’ Then, ‘Oh brother, I just sounded like Susan.’
“I don’t know... What do you want to know?” Jack asked, carefully, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know if he was ready for this, he thought, and grabbed the pencil back from Sydney and began tapping it against his knee.
“Dad...Although I have questions for Irina, remembering now, I think the most important question is for you. Why did you withdraw from me after Laura died, left? Why? It just doesn’t make sense.”
When Jack said nothing, Judy gave him a moment by asking Sydney, “What made you ask now?”
“Recently, I’ve been...Dad has been different. But I realized today, that he wasn’t really different. He was....more the way he was when I was little, before Laura died. And...today, I realized again, how much he loved me and it just doesn’t make any sense.”
“In what way?” Judy asked when Jack said nothing. She watched him carefully, saw his nostrils flare slightly as he took a deep breath, saw the wariness in his narrowed eyes as he turned his head and looked levelly at her. When would the mask drop down, she thought. Sydney, don’t get angry, don’t...
“I...Why would you hurt me like that? Why would you choose to back away from me, your daughter? I loved you, I needed you and you weren’t there! Why?” Sydney asked, leaning forward, her arms crossed over her chest.
“Sydney!” Judy interjected, keeping an eye on Jack’s face. Hmm, still no mask; he was doing better than she expected, although his eyes were wary. To both of them, but looking at Sydney, she ordered, “Take a deep breath. That’s it. Now Sydney, think for a moment. You know your father loved you, loves you. Do you think he would deliberately decide to hurt you for no reason?”
“What reason could there be?” Sydney said sullenly. Judy resisted the urge to smack her. Be understanding she told herself, this is the hurt child speaking. “Sydney.” Judy tapped Sydney’s hand. “Look at me. You were willing to listen to Irina Derevko’s explanation. Doesn’t your father deserve at least that much courtesy?”
“But---That...crap about ideology when it was really her desire for the game? Yes and---”
“Think about this for a moment. Do you honestly believe, I mean deep in your heart where you can feel truth, that your father’s explanation for his withdrawal will be crap? I know you were hurt as a child. Were hurt again later on, after the truth came out about SD-6 when he didn’t respond as quickly or as fully as you might have wanted. I believe he...Do you love your father?”
“Of course!”
“And you’ve told him so, said, ‘Dad, I love you so,’ how many times? I’m just curious," Judy said softly, to take the sting from her words.
“Well....” Sydney looked down at her hands.
“But he's told you. Why haven't you told him?”
“I was afraid...” She closed her eyes, seeing the startled look on his face when she had said .... “Was he afraid too? But...Dad’s not afraid of anything.”
“Is that a mature adult speaking who understands that parents make mistakes they deeply regret or a child who expects her beloved father to be perfect, to have no fears?”
“But why would he be afraid that I wouldn’t love him....Wait. Is it because he thought Laura didn’t love him, had only used him? And so...” Sydney shook her head. Her father had fears? From where....
“Did you ever think there might have been extenuating circumstances? From his own past, his own life?” Judy suggested, gently tapping Jack’s hand when she heard an indrawn hiss of breath. Looking at him, she mouthed, ‘It will be okay. I promise.’ He merely looked at her, his eyes wide. “Did you ever think that he may not have had... much choice?”
Sydney’s open mouth closed with a snap. “What?” Then turning away from Judy, she turned to her father, who had remained silent throughout the exchange. “Dad?”
Jack cleared his throat, nodded at Judy, who, he knew had taken over the conversation to give him time to gather his thoughts. And his courage. He began carefully, “How much of my discussion with Derevko did you hear this morning? Did you hear me tell her about...”
“About what, Jack?” Judy pressed, leaning forward slightly, trying to engage his attention on her, rather than Sydney. She would be safe, Sydney would be too scary. “Do you remember-“
“I remember. Faith. Not fear,” Jack said, nodding in her direction. “I’ll have it tattooed on my arm, alright? It’s just...”
“Dad - what could you possibly tell Derevko that you cannot tell me?” Sydney asked, trying not to feel hurt, to realize that there was some reason....
“It’s just...telling her, who cares?” Jack shrugged as he stood up. Skirting the couch, he walked over to the window. Over his shoulder, he said, “Telling you, I...care a lot. She doesn’t matter, you do.”
Judy stood up and went over to Jack. Speaking softly, watching him finger the leaves of a plant, she asked, “Jack, after that visit to your former prison, this conversation...” reminding you of your stay in a small padded room of another kind, “Are you feeling that touch of claustrophobia you deny having?
“I have no idea as to-“ Jack began, knowing as he said it that resistance was futile. This would happen. He knew it. Knew he could not control it, had to just let go. He just needed a moment, needed to just allow his mind to wander, find its own path through this maze before him. Or rather, the maze behind him, he decided. This was all behind him. He thought anyway. Sometimes, he worried....
“Yes, to what I am referring. So, let me clarify. You know, how when you feel trapped, in the beginning by being in my office, how you would get up and stalk around the room and just happen to end up at the window?”
“No. I'm just entranced by your orchids. As always,” Jack said quickly, without thought, as he looked down at her plants.
Judy rolled her eyes. “Very amusing, Bristow, as your avoidance techniques usually are. However, I don’t have any orchids over there among my plants and.....” She paused for a moment and turned a shocked face in his direction. Bit her lip to stop the laughter from emerging.
Jack bit his lip and looked out the window and wondered what the hell had just popped out of his mouth. Maybe he should sit down. Then stick the pencil in his eye. Or shove a pillow in his mouth. What the hell was popping out of his mind today? “Sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t know what in the world...”
“It’s okay, Jack. It was...funny. If Sydney were not there, I’d be laughing,” Judy whispered back.
Looking from Dr. Barnett to her father standing at the window talking quietly but both with identical pink patches in their cheeks, Sydney wondered what she had just missed.
Judy cleared her throat and said to both of the Bristows, “I have an idea. Let's go up to the roof. That will be best anyway for what I have in mind.”
“What's that?” Jack asked suspiciously, giving her one of those stares that might have frightened her had she not known he was perfectly safe. At the moment, anyway. “What do you have in mind up there?”
“Tossing you both off of the roof if this doesn't work,” Judy quipped as she led the way to the door and opened it.
Sydney looked shocked while Jack burst out laughing. Sydney turned a surprised face to her father.
“I wouldn’t blame you,” Jack said, shaking his head.
“Let's go,” Judy urged them through the door.
Following them, she turned back to Susan who sat there with a puzzled look on her face watching the procession through the reception area. "Susan, get the---"
"The one you said no one should ever---"
"Yes. And bring it up to the roof,” Judy ordered.
"Wait -- you never told me where you hid it,” Susan called out as Judy began to follow the Bristows from the office.
"It's in one of the books on my shelf. Let's see how long it will take you to figure it out."
"You're making a game out of this?" Susan asked as she got up and went toward Judy's office.
Judy sighed. "Clearly, I've spent too much time with the Bristows, haven't I?"
"Or not enough," Susan mumbled as she began scanning the bookshelf.
Susan shifted from foot to foot. This was going to be a pain given the eclectic nature of the books on these shelves. Judy liked to have a variety of books, believing that sometimes a book might trigger something in one of her patients. Well, it certainly wouldn't be I'm Okay, You're Okay, because if her patients were okay, they wouldn’t be sitting in this office, now would they? Gee, no books by Dr. Phil? What a surprise, Judy thought he was bombastic. This old self-help book by Gail Sheehy, Passages. Nah. Love Story? No, Judy hated that book, thought the catch phrase was one of the worst prescriptions for relationships ever written. She ran her index finger along the spines of the books on the shelf at eye level, tilting her head as she read the titles. A Nancy Drew mystery, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, Of Human Bondage, Dr. No, the Bible, Northanger Abbey...What? What was wrong with Judy? Everyone knew that Pride and Prejudice was the premier Austen novel, although...she flipped open the book, looking, there it was....”Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.” But no, not there. Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day? Well, Susan thought, it was certainly windy outside, but that wasn’t working. Didn’t Judy have any more recent books? She looked over to the side. Must Love Dogs, that was a new one, her book group hadn’t read that one yet...It was about some woman who placed a personal ad and decided that the premier requirement was that the man had to love dogs. Hmm. That was true enough, any man in her life had to love her dog Angela and
beep. beep
“Yes?” Susan said absently into her phone.
“Susan. Are you lost on your way up here or just lost in front of my book shelves?”Judy asked impatiently. She wanted this over. She was taking a risk, a calculated risk, but....If Jack was going to kill her, she’d like to get it over with as soon as possible.
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Hurry up, Jack and Sydney just spotted Vaughn coming in and they are calculating when they should drop the pencil based upon his approximate speed of walking and the drop ratio, or some such thing, of this pencil. You can borrow Must Love Dogs, later. Now figure it out and please come up here. It’s at eye level, hidden in plain sight.”
“Okay!” Susan clipped out as she ended the call. Let’s see.... Welcome to Temptation? Well, if she were looking for that dayum photograph, that would certainly be where she would look. But...that wasn’t the photo for which she was searching, which, she sighed, was a shame. A dayum shame. Wait, if that photo was about...temptation, then....Her head snapped up. Her hand reached out and she grabbed a book, flipped it open and the item in question, folded in half, fell out, fluttering away. She replaced Of Human Bondage on the shelf and picked the item up off the floor and headed out the door outside into the warm sunlight of the rooftop.
TBC at
Chapter 1004 Part 2 section 3 of 5