Surprise!

[daddyderpest]

[as the dorkiest vampire hunter approaches the library this fine evening, streamers suddenly fall from the sky and a sparkly banner unfurls proclaiming:

'CONGRATULATIONS KAIEN CROSS, OVER TWO CENTURIES OF LIFE AND STILL NOT A VAMPIRE!'

Come, interrupt his staring in horror]

Comments

[stillyouridol]

[Reading it thoughtfully]

[daddyderpest]

Don't look!

[stillyouridol]

Too late. And it only calls more attention to it if you're dramatic.

[daddyderpest]

Oh, how awful! Maybe I should hide in my room.

[stillyouridol]

...That's even more dramatic.

[daddyderpest]

I'm an old man! I can be as dramatic as I like.

[stillyouridol]

Speaking of being really really really freakishly old... what are you?

[daddyderpest]

Ah, that question. The way you phrase it could be seen as hurtful, you know? It might be hard to believe but even old people have feelings.

[stillyouridol]

I'd be proud if I was over 200 and still looked like that. What kind of moisturizers do you use?

[daddyderpest]

You don't need a fancy product with a long list of ingredients! It's more important to use it regularly and use a face mask once a week.

[stillyouridol]

[soaking in the wisdom]

That simple. Hn.

[daddyderpest]

It's also important to eat well and exercise regularly, of course.

[stillyouridol]

...But back to my original question: what are you?

[daddyderpest]

[sigh]

I am a Hunter.

[stillyouridol]

...Really? What do you hunt? How does that make you live for so long?

[daddyderpest]

My ancestors were at war with vampires and wanted the ability to fight them. It is through a combination of very boring factors that I am as I am.