Surprise!

[daddyderpest]

[as the dorkiest vampire hunter approaches the library this fine evening, streamers suddenly fall from the sky and a sparkly banner unfurls proclaiming:

'CONGRATULATIONS KAIEN CROSS, OVER TWO CENTURIES OF LIFE AND STILL NOT A VAMPIRE!'

Come, interrupt his staring in horror]

Comments

[stillyouridol]

[Reading it thoughtfully]

[stillyouridol]

...You don't look like a vampire hunter. You look like you should be sitting next to a fire somewhere, reading and drinking tea.

[daddyderpest]

I do enjoy reading and drinking tea by the fire. That's an excellent way to spend your time.

[stillyouridol]

Must be better than vampire hunting, at least. I was told that there are vampires here... Does that mean you go after them?

[daddyderpest]

Oh, not at all. I have no interest in hunting vampires. Some of my best friends have been vampires.

[stillyouridol]

So... you're not a hunter. You're just old.

[daddyderpest]

It's not what I do, so much as what I was born to be. Hunters aren't quite the same as humans.

[stillyouridol]

What are the differences? Besides age, that is.

[daddyderpest]

Hunters can sense vampires and how powerful they are, though my age isn't common of hunters at all.

[stillyouridol]

You're going to be dodgy about this age thing, aren't you.

[daddyderpest]

I'm not being dodgy about it. I'd prefer not to talk about, but there's not a lot I could tell you.

[stillyouridol]

But it doesn't really have anything to do with moisturizers, does it?

Vampires don't exist in my world. I'd think having Vampire Radar would be a natural thing... Survival and self-defense and all.

[daddyderpest]

I think my moisturiser is still quite effective!

As for 'Vampire Radar', I'm afraid it is not so. Vampires do look so very like humans, after all, and are quite charismatic. Hunters also have some degree of added strength. But, you never know, vampires might exist in your world! Most people in my world don't realise that vampires exist. It's all kept secret.

[stillyouridol]

[Unnnnnneasy]

[daddyderpest]

You needn't worry about it. I'm sure you're quite safe here.

[stillyouridol]

What makes you so sure? And I'm not worried.

[:| lies]