Surprise!

[daddyderpest]

[as the dorkiest vampire hunter approaches the library this fine evening, streamers suddenly fall from the sky and a sparkly banner unfurls proclaiming:

'CONGRATULATIONS KAIEN CROSS, OVER TWO CENTURIES OF LIFE AND STILL NOT A VAMPIRE!'

Come, interrupt his staring in horror]

Comments

[stillyouridol]

[Reading it thoughtfully]

[daddyderpest]

If you take the same precautions you would at any other time, I'm sure you will be safe.

[I don't really believe what I'm saying, either]

[stillyouridol]

Precautions, hmm? Avoid suspicious people and dark alleys? Garlic smells terrible you know.

[daddyderpest]

What does garlic have to do with anything?

[stillyouridol]

...Vampire repellent? You know, like all the stories say -- garlic and pointy wood stakes.

[daddyderpest]

We don't use those at all where I come from! Imagine trying to get someone to lie still long enough to drive a stake into them!

[stillyouridol]

...

[daddyderpest]

It's very hard to reach the heart, you know. Ribs are in the way.

[stillyouridol]

I don't need such graphic thoughts. I get it.