For some reason I have been happy for the past two hours. A sort of placid joy that flows out of me & into the surrounding rooms. I think that I might like ______. I'm not going to overthink it or try to rationalize any of it. I shall simply bask in this ebullience while it lasts. Partly I am joyous because I've been pretty good about my ( Read more... )

So ______, the guy who asked me to prom, likes me. I do not know what to do about it, I do not know how to feel about it. It's just awkward right now & I would really like it to not be awkward. AUGHHHH ! He's sweet, cute, intelligent, shy, athletic . . . Ugh ! Too bad I really liked him last year, but ended up hooking up with his best friend ( Read more... )

I will shot my nose off if Prom is truly the best thing that ever happened to me in high school. It seems like lately the only thing that people have been talking about is Prom. Dresses, limos, dates, dinners, after-parties, money, tuxedoes, photographs, groups, etc. Well I have something to add to the mix. Do not groan. I apologize for imparting ( Read more... )

Recently I have read "Siddhartha" by Herman Hesse, which is undeniably one of the best books out there. While I am not Buddhist I do feel like this book rings true, which is kind of what makes it such a phenomenal book. I find that we rarely have time to just exist. Go find a nice sun-dappled spot outside and just focus on your breathing. If you ( Read more... )

First off, I would like to thank you for making me feel like less of my failure on my last post. I've been pondering it & while it is true that the SATs are to make money for Collegeboard, I also know that without good scores I will not get into the college I want to attend. However, I am not obsessing over it like I was when I wrote that post. ( Read more... )

1900. My entire being, my essence, my intelligence has arrived packaged neatly into one string of numbers: 1900. This basically translates into: Candace is an idiot, do not let her into your college. I am retaking the stupid SATs. I HATE them, & they hate me. 1900 ! Fucking 1900 ! Ever since I broke the news to my parents they have been talking non ( Read more... )

Lately I've been having a bit of a crisis/revelation, maybe ? As I've mentioned I have . . . . gotten a bit voluptuous & bemoaning my lack of self-control. I've been trying to get it back for around a month & a half now & suddenly it is back. Between figuring out my life (summer, college, SAT II's, AP's, course selections, etc.) & my enlarged ( Read more... )

Blargh. My weight keeps fluctuating ! FUCK. Somehow I've grown extremely FAT, without even noticing & now I have no idea how to fix it ! I'm going to a party tonight & I'm trying not to eat too much, but I've already had like 4 slices of banana bread today & some yogurt & muesli. Also, I have no idea where I'm sleeping tonight, because I refuse to ( Read more... )

Yesterday morning I jammed myself onto a crowded bus in order to get to school and I ended up standing right next to this obese girl who's on my swim team. Except she's not really, because she is incredibly slow, but Coach is nice & allows everyone who wants to join stay. And it was strange because I began to compare myself with her. I saw how her ( Read more... )

I know I've been the worst about posting, but I have a legitimate reason this time ! This snarky girl I go to school with mentioned something about ". . .Livejournal page . . . . .thinks she's so disordered . . . .of course I'm notifying her guidance counselor . . . . .Ha ! She'll be sent away . . ." She HATES me and I only caught those snippets of ( Read more... )