My goodness it has been over a year since my last update. Well then, lets get some venting done :-) I love living in Destin. Its not home, its a transition. Its nice to know that I can be far away from my parents and still make it. I work at an Irish Bar called Johnny o Quigles and also Longhorn Steak house (yes I am aware that earns me my one way ( Read more... )

So last week I finally stopped telling myself that everything was ok. Then I started hanging out with Alex again and things got confusing. That was more than enough to tell me that my heart and head were just all over the place. So I broke up with Mark, and felt great. But then things got really confusing because apparently I was not over Alex. And ( Read more... )

So I know I should be focusing on all the happy things around me and things will get better, but sometimes its really hard. Donald is a dick. And I am completely done with him. Because every time I am around him all I want to do is make him suffer, and watch him hurt even a fraction of how he made/makes me feel. And I feel like a horrible person. ( Read more... )

So...ok...this starts last night, when I sat in my room and meditated. I was holding my Chariote in my hand, and had my pyramid on my forehead, and I was just meditating. Well I was thinking about Alex but couldn't focus, so then I stopped thinking about him, and stared focusing on his energy and something weird happened. I felt like everything ( Read more... )

So....yeah....errrrr.....I got really really drunk and....kinda slept with someone who is not Alex. And Part of me is like, "well whatever" and part of me wants to break down. I don't regret it, but...I don't know. I miss him so much. I just want to see his face or hear his voice. Thats not a good enough reason, I know, but....I really did it this ( Read more... )

So.....alone. Am I not good enough? I have become such a cry baby over these past few years.

So I went to bed at 8pm, and woke up now (3am). But I had a very strange dream. It was kind of Alice in Wonderlandy were things that I have been around lately just randomly pop up in a very weird way ( Read more... )

I can't believe how freakin' oblivious I am! It took me one full year to understand what Ali meant. I feel so slow. FAIL. Stop torturing me ALI! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

So I just want to rant, mainly cause I have had too much energy lately, which is all Alex's fault. It weird cause when I am with him, everything is so much clearer. I feel like the past is the past and the future will come, all I think about is living in the present. Every second with him is so exciting to me. Urg, I like him too much. I could rant ( Read more... )

So today (aka yesterday) has been one amazing trip. Ok heres where we start, I was all paranoid that Alex was going to stand me up kinda like Anthony that one time. So I called Matt for advise and he told me to call him and ask him if he was still going because I was the one who invited him, so I did and he didn't pick up so I got even more ( Read more... )