I wonder if i'm doing a good job at hiding the fact that I am comlpetely alone...
Must be. Because i'm starting to suffocate in this trapped box I think I put myself in.
I don't know where to turn anymore. So hello, LJ. Long time no talk... at least you never left me.

Why do we only update these old things when we're upset?
Why aren't we as articulate with our positive emotions?
When I'm old and dying I don't want to hold on to these entries,
looking back at a person I hated.
A person I only was for a short time due to some conflict at the time.
I am not that dead person inside,
I am not one to curse this life,
no,
I ( Read more... )

Last night I was 13 again, but only for a moment.
It was like being on vacation. You know you only have a short time and soon you'll have to go back. And as good as it all felt,
walking around the maze at night
standing at the creek where we snuck out so many nights to meet boys and drink and smoke and bask in the natural beauty of life,
singing ( Read more... )

My last post was roughly 23 weeks ago...
and MY how things have changed throughout the year ( Read more... )

SO, first update in awhile and so much has happened I'd like to take note of in my life. Where do I even start?

Breast Cancer walk- Meghann, my best friend since I was 4 told me her mom, who has been like my OWN since I was 4, had breast cancer. With high spirits and sadness for someone we love so much, she had the great idea to get friends and ( Read more... )

Things have sucked lately. I've gotten so down on myself for the way my life turned out. I should at some university, making friends, memories and new experiences for myself. But I'm stuck in the same place, with the stresses of work and home and the only people I have to go to are Carissa, who has her own problems and doesn't deserve me throwing ( Read more... )

I can't take all of this anymore. Especially all at once. I want to quit everything in my life, school, work, all that and just focus on being happy again. Be a kid again where all of this is just an episode on Full House or something. I want to feel safe again.

So I was thinking as the year goes by i'd update interesting things that have happened to me for the first time this year, then at the end of the year bring it all back up into one entry to remind myself of the new things I've done ( Read more... )

I woke up to my grandma's voice on the answering machine. At such an early hour I was unable to make out what she was saying. But somehow I knew. I knew she called to say someone has passed. At first I thought it was my ill aunt, I was sure of it. Not long after my mom called my cell phone over and over, leaving messages. I knew then it was more ( Read more... )

I've spent roughly two hours comparing myself to others, as opposed to the other 22 hours a day I normally do so. Reviewing flaws I have with myself, and jokes or comments from others that seem to be overlooked by the person mentioning them. I mean, even if it's my cousins at work saying something like "you're stupid," because I didn't do something ( Read more... )