How odd. I usually do not remember my dreams. I'm remembering bits and pieces of last night's dream. I was part of the staff running an event. There was something about crunching metal like it was a bowl of nuts. Then something about a musical act, getting a message that something needed to be done, etc. Must be all the wire work I did last night.

(In this post, a bit of madness.) Some time tonight, I can't quite tell when, I felt my dán brushed past me. It's a kind of torture, being so close. You can not tell if it is real or only imagined. I so wish for a reader and a teacher. When it comes time for my dán and I to meet, I want to be ready.

I allowed myself to fall into a heap on the couch yesterday. Whenever I do that, I ask myself why. There are so many choices: malnourishment, depression, some remnant of celiac, or just a bad habit. As I sit here wondering and trying to find the positive, I feel that the important thing is to get back up and take care of what I can.

I don't explore much. I don't look very far. Everything I see from the smallest of rocks to the highest of peaks fills me with wonder.

My hands were shaking
As I held my violin.
Yet the notes were clear.

We are in hell. We put ourselves there. The only way out is a different kind of stare.

Go at a speed you can go,
Else you will never know
What things you can do
That you never knew
When you never had the time.

I opened the case.
The violin was uncracked.
Great sigh of relief.

Much to do today. Waking up. Waiting for my cell phone to charge. Shopping and mirrors and other things to try. People to say hi. Things to pass by. Motions to take. Thoughts to make. And bits of wood and wire to contemplate.

Just watched Black Swan. It touched a chord deep inside, not because insanity is sexy, but because obsession is so very intensely sad. No. That's not quite it. It's the fear that, while trying to do something truly amazing, I might destroy myself. I could say more, but I'm not a fan of spoilers.