24.
Title: Entertain the Pain
Pairing/Characters: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
Summary: The one where Cesc leaves.
A/N: lol. WTF is the title of this story? Whatever, he does not deserve a better fic title anymore. Uhmmm anyway. IDK. Had to be done? It was eating my brain and now just. It's done. For pippopippo (as everything always is) , lavillenie, unembraced and aliice. And thanks (thank you thank you thank you) to cutato.
i.
They arrive at Arsenal together so in a way, it's not that strange that Robin starts to associate Arsenal with Cesc and vice versa. He associates Cesc with the excited buzz in the locker room before a game, the smell of the pitch, the roar of the crowd when a goal is scored.
Cesc is always there. Maybe not always physically, but there's always some memory of Cesc tied to every memory of Arsenal (or maybe it was some memory of Arsenal tied to every one of Cesc.)
ii.
Robin remembers when Cesc gets to him first after he scores. He throws his arm around Cesc, and even after Thierry gets there and is grabbing his face in between his two hands, Robin is still surprised at how Cesc fits just right in the crook of his arm.
(Later, Robin finds out that Cesc fits perfectly in other places too.)
iii.
The last time they packed for the World Cup in 2006, they had both been excited and anxious, especially Cesc. Four years later, he was just as excited.
"Here." He holds out a red shirt to Robin, a smirk on his face. "For luck."
Robin raises an eyebrow. "I don't think packing a Spain jersey is going to bring me luck."
"It's the first one I wore when I was called up."
"So take it with you. I don't want to be caught with it, my teammates will accuse me of mutiny."
Cesc laughs. "Yeah, okay." He watches Robin continue to pack for awhile and then he says, "I hope you make it to the final."
"I don't think you should say that." Robin smiles anyway. "But thanks. I hope you do too."
Cesc's smile falters. "We will. I probably won't have much to do with it."
Robin pokes him in the ribs. "Hey, don't do that. You don't do self-pity very well. Proving yourself, that's what you do."
"Yeah." He perks up and the smirk returns. "I'm going to score the goal that wins us the World Cup."
Robin snorts. "In your dreams, Fàbregas."
Cesc laughs and puts his arm around Robin's neck as he draws him in closer. "Good luck," he says, and Robin thinks that if both of them do manage to make it to the final, not even being on opposing teams will break them.
---
The rumours start the day after.
iv.
They don't talk much during the World Cup. Robin knows Cesc doesn't want him to ask and Robin doesn't really want an answer because he's afraid he won't like it.
So their conversations are quick, short and generic variations of "Congratulations," and "Good luck," but still sincere.
Finally Cesc asks, "What should I do?"
Robin falls silent for awhile. "What do you want me to say?"
"What you really think."
"If you're asking me if I want you to stay, you know the answer to that. If you're asking me what's best for you, I don't know that."
Cesc doesn't reply to that. Instead he says, "I miss you," and they're back on safe ground again.
---
Cesc calls him when Spain get into the final. He's excited and going through his usual round of smack talk and Robin blurts out, "I don't know Arsenal without you."
Cesc stops. "Oh," he says. Then: "Sorry, I should go. We're celebrating, you know? I just snuck off to call you."
Robin feels like that's an answer to the question he won't ask.
---
It's not the actual goal that ends the World Cup for him.
Robin sees Cesc's head fit into the crook of Iniesta's elbow and just like that, the dream is over. Robin is so used to going through the same emotions as Cesc-- sorrow over a loss, happiness over a win, frustration at a draw-- that he can't understand feeling so desolate when Cesc is so elated.
Cesc comes over when the whistle goes, stands on his tiptoes as he puts his arms around Robin. "I'll see you in London," he says.
v.
Cesc seems just a little more desperate that season. He's pushing himself too hard in everything he does-- the way he plays, the way he goes in for a tackle, even the way he conducts his interviews; like he has something to prove.
Robin wonders if Cesc is going through a quarter-life crisis. Then he grows the beard and gets antagonistic if anyone mentions it and Robin gets his answer.
vi.
When Cesc leaves, Robin is surprised at how much it hurts. Cesc had filled spaces that Robin didn't even know were empty; didn't know could be empty.
vii.
Robin watches Cesc win his first trophy with Barcelona after playing just one game, something he hadn't managed to do with almost a decade at Arsenal. Robin sees Cesc with the trophy, wearing different colours, sporting a different crest, and he switches off the television.
viii.
Cesc calls after the United game, but after the initial, "That was rough, I'm sorry," there isn't much to say.
And Robin realizes he can't say anything else. He doesn't understand anymore, he can't.They're on different sides now and they'll never be able to fully understand anymore. Not where it counts.
He knows Cesc is being sincere, but he also wonders if Cesc feels justified for leaving now. It makes Robin feel bitter. Arsenal was his now, not Cesc's, despite the latter's insistence that he was still a Gunner. He wasn't really, and Robin doesn't think it's fair that Cesc gets to see them like this. He doesn't deserve to see them at their worst.
"Cesc?"
"Hmm?"
"I have to go."
"Oh." He sounds surprised. "Okay. We'll talk soon?"
Robin doesn't answer his question. "Bye, Cesc."
Pairing/Characters: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
Summary: The one where Cesc leaves.
A/N: lol. WTF is the title of this story? Whatever, he does not deserve a better fic title anymore. Uhmmm anyway. IDK. Had to be done? It was eating my brain and now just. It's done. For pippopippo (as everything always is) , lavillenie, unembraced and aliice. And thanks (thank you thank you thank you) to cutato.
i.
They arrive at Arsenal together so in a way, it's not that strange that Robin starts to associate Arsenal with Cesc and vice versa. He associates Cesc with the excited buzz in the locker room before a game, the smell of the pitch, the roar of the crowd when a goal is scored.
Cesc is always there. Maybe not always physically, but there's always some memory of Cesc tied to every memory of Arsenal (or maybe it was some memory of Arsenal tied to every one of Cesc.)
ii.
Robin remembers when Cesc gets to him first after he scores. He throws his arm around Cesc, and even after Thierry gets there and is grabbing his face in between his two hands, Robin is still surprised at how Cesc fits just right in the crook of his arm.
(Later, Robin finds out that Cesc fits perfectly in other places too.)
iii.
The last time they packed for the World Cup in 2006, they had both been excited and anxious, especially Cesc. Four years later, he was just as excited.
"Here." He holds out a red shirt to Robin, a smirk on his face. "For luck."
Robin raises an eyebrow. "I don't think packing a Spain jersey is going to bring me luck."
"It's the first one I wore when I was called up."
"So take it with you. I don't want to be caught with it, my teammates will accuse me of mutiny."
Cesc laughs. "Yeah, okay." He watches Robin continue to pack for awhile and then he says, "I hope you make it to the final."
"I don't think you should say that." Robin smiles anyway. "But thanks. I hope you do too."
Cesc's smile falters. "We will. I probably won't have much to do with it."
Robin pokes him in the ribs. "Hey, don't do that. You don't do self-pity very well. Proving yourself, that's what you do."
"Yeah." He perks up and the smirk returns. "I'm going to score the goal that wins us the World Cup."
Robin snorts. "In your dreams, Fàbregas."
Cesc laughs and puts his arm around Robin's neck as he draws him in closer. "Good luck," he says, and Robin thinks that if both of them do manage to make it to the final, not even being on opposing teams will break them.
---
The rumours start the day after.
iv.
They don't talk much during the World Cup. Robin knows Cesc doesn't want him to ask and Robin doesn't really want an answer because he's afraid he won't like it.
So their conversations are quick, short and generic variations of "Congratulations," and "Good luck," but still sincere.
Finally Cesc asks, "What should I do?"
Robin falls silent for awhile. "What do you want me to say?"
"What you really think."
"If you're asking me if I want you to stay, you know the answer to that. If you're asking me what's best for you, I don't know that."
Cesc doesn't reply to that. Instead he says, "I miss you," and they're back on safe ground again.
---
Cesc calls him when Spain get into the final. He's excited and going through his usual round of smack talk and Robin blurts out, "I don't know Arsenal without you."
Cesc stops. "Oh," he says. Then: "Sorry, I should go. We're celebrating, you know? I just snuck off to call you."
Robin feels like that's an answer to the question he won't ask.
---
It's not the actual goal that ends the World Cup for him.
Robin sees Cesc's head fit into the crook of Iniesta's elbow and just like that, the dream is over. Robin is so used to going through the same emotions as Cesc-- sorrow over a loss, happiness over a win, frustration at a draw-- that he can't understand feeling so desolate when Cesc is so elated.
Cesc comes over when the whistle goes, stands on his tiptoes as he puts his arms around Robin. "I'll see you in London," he says.
v.
Cesc seems just a little more desperate that season. He's pushing himself too hard in everything he does-- the way he plays, the way he goes in for a tackle, even the way he conducts his interviews; like he has something to prove.
Robin wonders if Cesc is going through a quarter-life crisis. Then he grows the beard and gets antagonistic if anyone mentions it and Robin gets his answer.
vi.
When Cesc leaves, Robin is surprised at how much it hurts. Cesc had filled spaces that Robin didn't even know were empty; didn't know could be empty.
vii.
Robin watches Cesc win his first trophy with Barcelona after playing just one game, something he hadn't managed to do with almost a decade at Arsenal. Robin sees Cesc with the trophy, wearing different colours, sporting a different crest, and he switches off the television.
viii.
Cesc calls after the United game, but after the initial, "That was rough, I'm sorry," there isn't much to say.
And Robin realizes he can't say anything else. He doesn't understand anymore, he can't.They're on different sides now and they'll never be able to fully understand anymore. Not where it counts.
He knows Cesc is being sincere, but he also wonders if Cesc feels justified for leaving now. It makes Robin feel bitter. Arsenal was his now, not Cesc's, despite the latter's insistence that he was still a Gunner. He wasn't really, and Robin doesn't think it's fair that Cesc gets to see them like this. He doesn't deserve to see them at their worst.
"Cesc?"
"Hmm?"
"I have to go."
"Oh." He sounds surprised. "Okay. We'll talk soon?"
Robin doesn't answer his question. "Bye, Cesc."